The Midnight Rose
by First Commander Miari
Summary: What will she do after her true love dies? Can she even bear to carry on? See the shocking end of The Midnight Rose...
1. The Fox

I've lived in this world for four long years. There's not much to do around here, seeing as there aren't any demon gangs to fight with, but sometimes I enjoy the peace. Then I close my eyes and let my vivid imagination take wing. I think of the time when we were still together, when I thought that he had taken me to be his forced bride when he was just nursing me back to health. Who would have thought that Youko Kurama would find a soft spot for a helpless little girl like me? Well, he did, no matter the circumstances. Back then, I was known as Kaiina, the Lone Wolf.

Prior to my time with Kurama, I traveled Makai with my loyal attendant, Jakiri, descendant of the Iceshadow Dragon from long ago. After her blood was mixed with that of a human, her and all her relatives found their ability to take a humanoid form. Her features were still quite distinguishable, but it made the going easier when we had to do anything in the presence of the Ningens. Their ignorance still astounds me, though I have found a home here in their world. Upon seeing anything that is unfamiliar to them, they run in fear, wishing to escape that creature's presence. They do not take the time to find out whether it's friend or foe; they just run. Anyhow, Jakiri and I traveled our homeland for quite a while, until I made one great mistake.

Being a crafty criminal, I was wanted by Koenma, Prince of Reikai, the Realm of the Spirits. Several demon hunters pursued me, but to no avail. I was too clever for them, and they oft lost interest in chasing me from the desperation of it all. Several of them simply ended up dead. After finding out why I was wanted, it was no surprise that so many chased me. I had murdered Carteih, a renowned spirit detective who was long since dead. I had been quite young, and a master of mine had assigned me a task of assassination.

This master was fond of me, and thought that I could carry out any wish he might have. So, he told me to kill the woman who was chasing him...Carteih. Fortunately, I killed her in her sleep, quickly swiping a dagger over her throat and getting out of there. Nobody chased me for a long time, but it only took one slip of the tongue. I was speaking with a low-class demon, and he gushed every bit of information that he could to Koenma. Though I can hardly say I trusted him, I still did not expect him to come and claim a reward from the despised Prince. That was when the trail went hot again. They decided to chase me throughout the wilderness of Makai, throughout my home.

As I was quite at home in the woods, it didn't take long before they were desperately lost, seeking the protection that only another powerful demon could have given them. I used the trees, the shrubbery, anything I could find, and ambushed them one by one. It was laughably easy, and when I recall those tales to Jakiri, her response is her beautifully dark, musical laughter. It's like the tinkling of bells at a funeral. To the normal ear, it sounds half-hearted, almost mocking, but it holds a melodic, melancholy beauty that few appreciate. In this case, those bells were ringing over past funerals. All of the seven that I killed were burned in a travesty of a funeral service.

For a few more years, I wandered about within the several wild areas of Makai, making sure not to stray from the entangled territory at the center of the forest I always knew as Hell's Grove. The name was perfectly fitting. If you did not know the territory, you would arrive in a certain clearing. The shrubbery and vines around it are so thick that it is nigh on impossible to escape once you have entered the aforementioned clearing. Normally, the trees block out most of the sunlight as it is, but here you are stranded in pitch-black darkness. Hardened, thorn-covered vines block every possible exit, and only those who have known the forest all their lives are able to get out.

Eventually, I had to leave. I needed little of food and water, but there was little activity in Hell's Grove. I felt as if I was wasting away the youth that should have been used fighting off enemy demons and making a name for myself. Instead, I meditated with Jakiri inside the confines of this dark clearing. Moisture was everywhere around me, a cool moisture that comforted me when it touched my skin. It was the one thing I remembered from my childhood, and the one thing that made me feel truly at peace. However, I knew that I had to leave it, even if such a decision did not befit the cunning of the Lone Wolf.

Immediately after I left, I felt my energy resurging, having multiplied itself tenfold. It filled me with a euphoria of power, an ecstasy that I didn't want to let go. Lost in my own utopia, I wandered away from Jakiri for a day or two, telling her that I would be back...eventually. Knowing me, Jakiri decided that she must obey, as the last remaining servant of the Iceshadow Order.

While I was alone, I ran into a very powerful spirit detective. He cornered me easily, since I was without the advantage of having someone to watch my back. We fought long and hard, neither admitting defeat. I used my power to summon plants from the earth and entangled him in a web of vines. Pressing my fang-like saber up to his throat, I relished in the fact that Koenma's last ditch effort had failed. He had failed to capture a murderer who had disappeared for his radar for what seemed to me like an eternity. That wasn't the end of the noble man, however.

Trying to kill me in one heavy stroke, he unleashed all of his raw spirit power, knowing that he, too, would die in the process. Darkness embraced me, holding me tenderly in a dreamless sleep for weeks. When I awakened, I was on a lavish couch in what looked like some sort of mansion. A few high-class demons were seated on other couches, and a silver-haired youth looked at me with a dangerously playful smirk on his face. "So, you're awake," he said, walking over to the couch that I had managed to entirely occupy all by my lonesome. "I was beginning to wonder if you were dead or not." He said these words like I was some trivial pet, a thing that could live or die without causing him any trouble.

Slowly his hand was stretched toward my cheek. Snapping out of my half-sleep, I reached out and clasped his wrist. "Don't touch me," I said, frowning up at him.

"And how is a weakened pup like you going to stop me?" he asked, his suave voice holding a certain challenge to it.

"Like this," I said, and tried to kick him in the process of a backward somersault. However, when he lay on the floor, defenseless, I felt my entire body screaming in painful protest. No matter how resolute I was, my body simply wasn't ready to get back into the action just yet. The detective's blow had dealt me some damage, and I could see a long gash that went from my collarbone all the way down my torso. It was the first time any of the hunters had damaged me, and now I was sick and abed with this pompous idiot taking care of me.

"Who are you?" I demanded, at least managing to sit back down while leaning against the side of the couch's arm. "Why save me."

"Oh, how rude," the youth said smoothly, standing up to present himself to me. Flowing white cloth was draped all over his body, giving him a very regal appearance. His eyes were a bold golden hue, showing the same cunning I saw when I looked in the mirror. His figure was lean and fairly well-muscled, but the thing that surprised me the most was his height. Even having been away for so long, I knew that I was considerably tall. However, the tips of my ears barely reached his shoulders, making him a whole head taller than me. "My name is Youko Kurama," he said finally, while I examined him. "And this is my following. We're thieves...of sorts."

"You're- no, you couldn't be," I said, stumbling over my own words. "You're...different from what I expected."

"What does it matter?" he asked. "I am able just as well as any other demon. My appearance presents little trouble in Makai. Few have lived to see my face."

"If you're Kurama, I think you'd fetch a hefty price, and clear my name," I said, heading off toward the door.

"How rude," he said nonchalantly, waving a hand off to the side. "And I thought you had potential."

"What kind of potential?" I demanded, suddenly becoming very interested. Perhaps he would be willing to help me discover this potential.

"That kind which would allow you to become one of us," he said. "You're smart, you possess untapped strength that is greater than that which almost all demons have. Though it's not too important, you'd be quite a pretty addition."

"What am I, then?" I shouted at him, infuriated at the last remark. "Just another 'addition' to your HAREM!"

"Oh, come now, it's not that bad, child." His voice began to burn on my ears. I wanted to find Jakiri and be out of there. However, she found me first.

Startled that I was awake so soon, Jakiri ran over to me and embraced me, something she rarely did, followed by a hard slap across the face. "What the hell did you think you were doing!" she screamed, glaring at me with her sky blue eyes. Her snowy white hair seemed to bristle with anger at my misdoings.

"I'm the master, Jakiri," I said, trying to remain calm. "You swore to obey me!"

"Well that was for your own good," she retorted. "You're still just a hatchling, running off without any protection. You could have been killed." Youko tried to intervene, but both me and Jakiri whipped around to shoot him the best icy stares we could manage. Frustrated with me, he mumbled something nasty under his breath and walked off.

All around us, demons were watching the fight, cheering me on. "Look," I said to Jakiri, "it was a dumb thing to do, but thanks to that, now I'm stuck _here_, with _him._" My voice bristled with anger, and he turned around to give me a triumphant smirk. I snarled back at him viciously while the crowd around us laughed, watching their leader get riled up over a spunky little brat like me. It almost occurred to me to just vent my anger on a few of them right then and there, ruffle Kurama's feathers a little more. Oh yes, it would be sweet revenge for him humiliating me. I would have thought him attractive if he hadn't acted so arrogantly. His debonair mood seemed to be put on, to conceal some dark secret, perhaps fear.

Jakiri went away to talk to the other thieves, thinking that she might get them to slip some information about Kurama to her. I, however, was left to talk to the arrogant "Prince", as I dubbed him, myself. He was tending to some business with friends of his. When I walked up behind him, he turned around to glare at me with his golden eyes. They really were quite stunning, incredibly powerful with a tinge of sadness. "Oh," he muttered, "you're back for more, are you?"

"Of course," I said, displaying my own cocky grin.

"If all you want to do is humiliate me," he said angrily, "then you'd do better out there...with all the demon hunters. You're a murderer just like the rest of us. The only difference between us is that I know how to cover my tracks." The sting in his voice seemed to nail a hole through my heart, making me feel slightly guilty about refusing hospitality that was so rare.

"Look," he said, "maybe you are right for the job, but why do you keep talking to me? I understand that you hate me. I liked you for a little while. Then I saw the wolf in sheep's clothing."

"I'm a wolf demon," I said smartly. "What else did you expect?"

"Nothing less from one of your bloodline," he said, smirking at me again. "I know everything about you, and you know so little about me. How sad."

"Yeah right," I said, raising my eyes so that I glared up into his. What I saw in those awesome golden orbs frightened me. I had committed crimes, but he had gone further. I had killed and he had murdered thousands of people after endless torture. I was an innocent little child compared to him, compared to what he had done. "What do you know about me anyway?" I asked, curious to see if his information was mixed up."

With a sigh, he decided to tell me. "Kaiina, the Lone Wolf. You're a wolf demon from one of the past royal families. After your family was deposed, you left your home and became a common criminal." So far, so good. I nodded my approval and allowed him to continue. "Jakiri, the last remaining Iceshadow Dragon, is your guardian and attendant. It is her job to defend you at all costs. For the past five years, you've been living in seclusion in Hell's Grove to escape pursuit from Reikai. You ventured out alone and were injured by a very powerful spirit detective. He unfortunately marred your beautiful body with a very large scar and something of a last ditch effort." Astonished that he knew the last part, and offended that he was talking about my body so freely, I stared at him.

"I'm right," he said triumphantly, "am I not?" Letting out a sigh that turned out to be half a snarl, I nodded. Those golden eyes seemed to rub it in my face, making me feel like an entire idiot. I was stuck here for a while, until my body managed to heal itself fully, which would be a little over a week. There was nothing I could do about the fact that I was injured. After all, the spirit detective had died and I hadn't. So, that made me victorious, didn't it? No matter. I still had this pompous, arrogant fool to deal with.


	2. Betrayal

Unfortunately, the time that I was to spend with Kurama went by like each hour was a day in its entirety. There was no relief from the cutting remarks, preying on each other as we tried to find some reason not to get along. I found it rather entertaining after a while to sit in the corridors of the mansion that had become my surrogate home and simply test his wit. We would both try to trick the other into admitting defeat, but I usually came out as the loser. Kurama would flash that aggravating smirk of his and walk away, his silver tail swishing behind him gracefully.

I can't say that I didn't like Kurama. He was very handsome indeed, and intelligent also, but I didn't want to give him anymore reason to talk to me about how beautiful I was. He said it at least once every day now, making me slap him across the face as he tried to come in and kiss me. There were no grounds for me to become romantically involved, and it bothered me that he seemed to know more about me than even I did. He knew what my limitations were, how old I was, even at what age my parents had died. This was no coincidence, but without my parents' fame, I had become inconsequential. There had been no reason left for me to be famous anymore. I was just a nobody who occupied her time.

Kurama didn't seem to think so, however. Though our introduction was rather rocky, his first impression had been good. I was surprised to hear this, but Jakiri wasn't. She claimed that Kurama was very eccentric, and usually didn't portray his feelings. I think she was just liking Sako, a very kind and gentle member of Kurama's gang. None of them were that terrible, but it was Kurama and his arrogance that I detested. They drove me to the brink of insanity combined, and I wanted to crush his skull like a melon.

Sometimes it seemed as though he wished to do the same to me. One day, we got into something of a fight, and he simply exploded on me. "You're just another puffed-up, arrogant little boy!" I shouted, brandishing a fist. My saber had been taken away for confidential reasons.

"Don't touch me, you cur," he said angrily.

"Fine. Don't let me ruffle your feathers. I'm just the little pup, remember?" I grinned from ear to ear, knowing that it probably looked _very_ stupid and immature.

"Well," he said, surveying my entire body. "I'd love it if you'd just let me have you, but I suppose you're just going to fight me off. Even if I chain you up, you'll find a way to break the chains."

Glaring at him, I opened my mouth to speak but reconsidered. He had the upper hand here, since he was right. This always happened at some juncture. He would change the subject- successfully of course...- and then he would take me by surprise by trying to woo me to his side. It was the only predictable thing, and even that didn't happen every time we argued. Kurama was the only man who had ever caused me so much trouble. Even my own father hadn't been thought of as such a threat as Kurama. "Of course," I said confidently. "A cornered beast always gets away, one way or another."

This statement recalled to my mind the fight with the spirit detective. Anger swept over me, and I felt an impulse to do things that I wouldn't normally do, things that would help me gain power. I'd never played the part of seductress, but I knew my own grace. My own feet, wrapped in cloth with utmost care, carried me up behind him easily. "What are you doing?" Kurama asked softly, turning slowly to take me up in his arms. Making him happy was the only way to get him to tell me what I needed to know.

"What I know you've wanted me to do for a long time," I said, tracing the side of his face with my fingers. "You flirt with me constantly, and you expect me not to react."

"What a misperception," Kurama whispered into my ear. "Please, let's return to my chambers. I wish to...speak with you."

"Don't push your luck," I warned him, waving a finger before his face.

"Forever the feisty Kaiina," he replied, touching my cheek softly. It seemed to take the edge off of him when I surrendered, when he got what he wanted. I don't know how I could have kept it up though without any feelings for him.

"Certainly," I said primly, looking up at him. His eyes were molten honey now, the kind that seems to sparkle as it trickles slowly from the bottle. The thing he had treasured and nurtured the most had finally come to fruition. Obviously, he had been watching me for a long time, wanting me for the queen of his gang.

"I never wanted anything but her," he said quietly. "I've been looking after you for a while. I knew you were outside Hell's Grove when you were attacked because I went to make sure that you would survive. This is why you survived." He pulled a part of the folds of cloth away from his chest and revealed an ugly, emaciated piece of flesh. There was no actual scar, but I could tell that he had taken the brunt of the blow.

Gazing at that piece of dead skin, I couldn't help but stroke it. Leaning into him, I smiled, realizing that maybe I did have feelings for him. My hand crept up to his cheek, his hollow, drawn cheek. The flesh there was cool and pale, stretched rather tightly. It seemed as though taking care of his gang didn't allow him to eat much. However, Jakiri now made remarks about how I was "a living corpse," or how thin I was looking. Thankfully, my thick, motley brown hair covered most of it, making me look much fuller and far less like a cadaver. Kurama's thin silver hair, though it fell down to his lower back, could not hide the fact that he was incredibly drawn.

"I was something of a brat at first," I said, letting him hold me for a while. I just had to be careful not to let this ruse become a reality. After all, I was only scheduled to be here for a little over a week, according to Jakiri. Therefore, I couldn't allow myself to become attached, or it would be the downfall of my entire plan. Soon, I was going to take over Makai, become its queen, but first I had to have good connections, demons who were just as powerful as I was. That was where Kurama came in.

He looked down into my eyes, and I knew he could see the plotting within them, the gleam that they always took on whenever I was up to something. "Wait a minute," he said, pushing me away. "You're using me, and I can see it. You should never hide your eyes. Then people notice them when they're finally raised. Your eyes are still pretty, though. I've never seen anyone or anything like you, but...go to your room. Forget what I said before." I looked up at him, convincingly feigning tears, something I hadn't done in a long time.

"Please," I pleaded desperately, throwing myself into his arms once more. "I need help with something. Kurama..." He glared at me furiously. It was obvious that I had been trying to use him for power, the thing that many others had probably done with far less success than I had.

However, Kurama still just pushed me away, telling me to leave him alone. So, I was resigned to walking back to the room I was assigned in complete and utter silence. Nobody bothered me and nobody said a word. I had the feeling that they had all watched the two of us fighting, and thought of me as some sort of brash cur. It wasn't the best reputation to have, but before that day, I hadn't been worried about it. Now I needed their help, and I could hear Jakiri laughing in another room, obviously sharing stories of us with Sako. They were an obnoxiously beautiful pair. It was sickening to sit there and watch Sako dote on my servant. Since several of the other gang members watched me on Kurama's orders, she figured that I would be safe. However, I wasn't synchronized with them like I was with Jakiri, and it was starting to feel lonely now that nobody paid any attention to me. Wasn't that how I had wanted it here? Didn't I want to be left alone?

Obviously, Kurama thought that had been my wish all along. He constantly made an effort to avoid me, not even bothering to spare a snide remark. After a little while it dawned on me. The blow I had struck to him was far deeper a wound than I had thought it was before. Now he walked around with a solemn, almost defeated look upon his face. The swagger that I had seen in his stride before was gone. Something seemed to be missing, a glow that had enveloped him before, but was now just a dull shimmer. His radiance was gone. His golden eyes no longer shone like the sun. It was all because of me. I had tricked him into thinking that I actually did love him, then crept up and jammed the knife in his back.

On the other hand, didn't he deserve it? He talked about me as if we had been passionate lovers since the dawn of time, while I haphazardly pieced together semi-witty retorts. In every argument, he caught me off balance, hoping to drag me off where I would be alone. I had taken so much talking down, so much snobbery from him, that I had wanted to take advantage of him, to use him like he deserved. At that point, I hadn't had the faintest idea how he would react.

Now, I saw the dulled Kurama walking past me, his eyes cast to the ground. "Wait!" I called, jogging to catch up with his long stride. "Please, Kurama..." I whispered it, my voice straining with tears. I had not felt this sort of emotion in a long time, but now there was someone who made me feel accepted again. For so long, I had only trusted Jakiri, but now she had left my side and I had begun to feel abandoned.

"What?" he asked spitefully, turning around with a swish of his hair. It was held back in ponytail, a silver cord wrapped loosely around it.

"Yesterday was..." Lost for words, I looked at him, my eyes dripping with tears.

"What?" he demanded, agitated. "A disappointment? A missed opportunity?"

Before I could say anything to contradict him, he glared down at me and shouted, "Kaiina, I thought that you despised me. Then, back in the hall, you just pretended, playing the wolf in sheep's clothing so that I could help you get back to your old position. I thought maybe you could come to accept a life here with me, but I guess you're just too self-centered for that! There's only room for one on your stage." He was about to walk away, but I caught his arm, following him.

"Please hear me out," I pleaded, wanting him not to be angry at me anymore. It wasn't fun fighting with him like this.

"How can I know if you're telling the truth?"

"Lies are easier to tell than truths, and I would have lied when we first met if I hated you entirely."

Kurama looked at me, some of the spark entering his golden eyes. They still burned with anger, though. "Fine," he conceded. "I doubt you'll have anything good to say, but try me."

"Yesterday was a mistake," I finished. "I can't say if I'll ever love you as deeply as you did me, but you make me feel accepted. I know I don't deserve it, but will you give me one more chance?" I inched slightly closer, and Kurama's arrogant smirk reared its ugly little head again.

"I know that was a mistake," he said, still smirking at me. "For how could such a beautiful demoness not enjoy such an appeal to her vanity?" Kurama looked at me gently and I couldn't look away. They were bright as polished gold, deeper than the darkest honey, yet golden as the lightest. He had captured me now, and wasn't to let me get away so easily.

"So," he said, taking me in his arms, "they say demons can't love. I feel it burning, more vicious and tenacious than anything any human will ever feel."

"You're as in touch with your animal spirit as I am," I whispered into his ear, standing on my tiptoes. My arm snaked its way around his waist, still very lean from his lack of nourishment. Untrying one little knot, I undid the cord that bound his hair back and ran my hands through it. Holding me, Kurama looked into my eyes and held me there. He leaned down and we met in a long kiss, his love spilling over into me. Soon, we were rolling around on the floor, not realizing or caring that it was dark.

His fingers danced across my bared, copper stomach, while he smiled hungrily. "You're even more beautiful up close," he said softly, straddling my hips. A hand cupped my cheek gently, and he admired my face, surrounded by a mass of motley brown hair. Kurama smiled, not a smirk, but a smile, and rested his chin on my shoulder, soon lying on top of me. Breathing deep, he inhaled my scent, and I ran my hand over the part of his chest that was bared by his toga-like garment.

"It feels more satisfying to surrender," I admitted, looking up at him challengingly. However, I couldn't have guessed that my escapade would be cut short so soon.

Jakiri came striding up the hall, seemingly oblivious to us, until we both got up. Me and Kurama both were disheveled, but smiling triumphantly as he held me close to him, letting me inhale his scent like a strong, beautifully aromatic incense. Alone, my servant looked at us in schock, her sky blue eyes giving off a faint blue glow in the darkness. "So you think you can elope in the darkness, do you?" Jakiri said, glaring at me. I looked over my shoulder at her and sighed.

"Please, I'm the mistress, Jakiri. Don't..." My tirade was cut short by Kurama, who stepped in front of me.

"Forgive me," he said. "It was my fault. Kaiina didn't want me...she fought me off like a true warrior."

"So that's why I saw you two practically melting into each other?" Jakiri demanded. "Mistress, what if you are with child, or you get too attached? Nothing I can do will be able to help you then! He's just looking for a temporary jaunt to get him on a high! Everything that fox says is a lie!"

Infuriated at the insult to his credibility, Kurama seemed to fly forward at Jakiri. Before it was too late, I realized what was really happening and stepped in front of Kurama, taking a hard blow to the chest by what seemed like thorns. They embedded themselves within my skin, each thornmultiplying itself a hundredfold in pain before snatching itself out. Feeling the scar down my torso rip open, a warm, crimson fluid washed over most of my body. It seemed like someone else's blood, and not my own, as it sprayed out of the wound. Looking frustrated, Kurama tore off the entire top half of his robe and wrapped it around my upper body. Also, I saw him take one of his long silver hairs, whisper a few words, and press it into the wound before Jakiri healed me.

Though the wound was closed, the pain remained. "What in the Nine Hells was that?" I wheezed, the breath having been knocked out of me momentarily.

"He attacked you!" Jakiri screamed, pointing at Kurama. "He knew you would defend me and meant to kill you!" Looking up at Kurama, I felt tears well up in my eyes.

"It's not true...is it?" I asked him.

"I'll let you decide on that," he said, and walked away into the darkness, the glow gone from his eyes once more.


	3. Scars of the Soul

After Jakiri had interrupted us in the hall, I didn't want to go near Kurama for the next day or two. Had it just been an act of desperation due to the fact that my only friend had disappeared? Jakiri still spent many hours with Sako, but when I was lying on top of my bed, Kurama didn't come anymore. He seemed to be scared of hurting me again. I would have been too, but he had wanted me so badly before that it seemed odd for him not to come.

When I was not alone, it was Jakiri who visited me. Those visits weren't entirely pleasant, but it was better than not having anyone at all to talk to. "Mistress," she said stiffly, walking in in a very businesslike manner. For all of her honorifics and distance, she could have been the executioner of royalty. Oh, that's right. I still held the title of royalty, and she would have taken that power away if she had been able.

"Servant," I replied mockingly, running a hand through my hair in boredom. Eventually I stopped because it only made me think more about Kurama.

"I just came to make sure that nothing...suspicious had happened here," Jakiri replied with a grim look on her face.

I slapped a hand to my forehead in frustration. "I've barely moved from this spot," I snarled, trying to remind her that Kurama had barely come within ten feet of me for the past days. The anger in my voice shone through, giving it a certain edge. Hopefully, Jakiri would be fazed by it.

"Of course," she replied smartly, smiling at me, "he's too scared that another accident will happen." My eyes lowered in a vicious glare as Jakiri sat on my bed. Letting the blind fury go, it came out in the form of raw power. So much for the beauty of my bedroom.

Hard vines sprouted up everywhere, forming themselves from the hardwood floor. Jakiri was taken aback as she was thrown from her place onto the soft, earthy floor. Forming a dome that only let some light in through very narrow cracks, my power provided a shield from everyone. If I made contact with no one, then I wouldn't be able to get myself into trouble. I couldn't get hurt by desperate spirit detectives, I couldn't let Jakiri chastise me, I couldn't let Kurama run his fingers through my hair...

"Kurama," I whispered weakly, gazing out of one of the cracks to see that the floors of my bedroom had become soft earth and the ceiling was the same, with mossy vines hanging from it. Roses, their petals wilting slowly, were scattered across the floor. Seated on the bed, it was the soft grass of Hell's Grove, the place that was the only true home I had ever had.

Back then, Jakiri and I had been friends with each other. I hadn't felt like I needed to be alone before I met Kurama. I had just wanted to stay in power with my servant to watch my back. Now the power was the one thing I had left. Jakiri's long fingernails had turned into long, pale blue claws, and she was trying to bring down my barrier. Wherever her claws struck, I could see a flash of green light. "Kurama..." I whispered again, feeling a tear drizzle down my cheek. It wasn't even that I wanted him. It was just...I had never had so many problems in my life before we met.

The shield I had built up around myself refused to give, no matter how much Jakiri struck at it. Finally, I sent a surge out, and a shockwave threw Jakiri back roughly until she hit the earthy wall. "Leave me alone," I rasped, curling myself into a tight ball. Even my own breath seemed to come only with effort. Suddenly, I heard footsteps outside, those which were coming to check on me. One crack opened wide and I could see Kurama. After I saw him, all of the cracks closed tightly. They responded to my nervous emotions that told me to run from all of them, not to let them take me over. Jakiri would try to domineer me until I had no will of my own left. Kurama would tie me down to one place for the rest of my life. Neither option sounded appealing.

Rose petals drifted within my shield, wilting and withering as they floated down to me. I grasped one petal and squeezed it gently, watching it crumble all too easily. "I can't," I said, burying my head in my lap. "I can't do this. Not forever." Faster and faster, the petals showered me in their crimson glory, the crimson glory that was fading away. Looking down at my arm, I saw that a long, narrow cut ran down the length of my forearm. Blood poured from it in a steady stream, floating up to become the wilting petals.

Pressing a hand to my collarbone, I could feel a jolt of pain. I stood up and surveyed the rest of my body. It was streaked with cuts like the one on my forearm. Suddenly, I collapsed to my knees, clutching my head. Thoughts and emotions flurried in my mind, one melting into the other, the first thought quickly changing into the second and vice versa. "I can't stay here," I rasped, feeling the dry crackle of my breath. Shutting myself out, I had forced my own death, the death of a soulless corpse. My night with Kurama had been a foolish escapade, a desperate gesture because I had been feeling abandoned.

Shouts echoed in the shield, and I could make out Jakiri and Kurama's voices. My head was spinning, but I could hear the two of them arguing. Letting the shield down enough to hear, I listened to the only two voices that were clear anymore...

"It was your stringency that made her do this!" Kurama shouted. "She's slowly killing herself, shutting out her soul!"

"It's not my fault that you're both irresponsible children," Jakiri retorted coolly, gazing at him with icy blue eyes.

"At least we found some aspect of forgiving! You're just not willing to let go of the days when you two were alone!"

"Those were better than the days when she swooned over a stupid fox!"

"Well, the 'Stupid fox' seems to have more than you do!" It continued on and on, until it was just background noise that melted into the whisperings within my head.

Without my bidding, the shield fell. My power had nearly been depleted, and I was covered in cuts that went deeper than my physical self. They gnawed at my soul. Why had I done this to myself? Even if I didn't belong anywhere, I still had goals to accomplish, things that I needed to do. Now I was slowly dying by my own hand. Scarlet petals continued to fall, showering me in their softness and turning to blood when they touched me. Kurama stared helplessly at my limp form. "You fool," he said laughingly, walking up to the bed where I was.

He looked as though he belonged on the earthy floor that had been forged of the original wood. The rose petals that had formed a carpet on the rich earth seemed to suit him perfectly. "Idiot," I whispered to him, for letting me do this to myself. Kurama just laughed and touched the center of my chest, causing a silver glow to form. The worst of my cuts closed up and the blood vanished from my body. Normally, such wounds would have been fatal, but he had saved me.

If nothing else forced me to owe him something, that did. Ever since I had come into this house, all I had done was humiliate and reject him. First I hated him, then I used him, then I loved him, then I avoided him. It all felt so wrong to mislead him like that now that I reflected upon it. "I know a healer who can come and see you," Kurama said gently, brushing a soft hand across my cheek, dipping slightly whenever it hit one of my cuts. Without another word, he ran off swiftly to fetch this "healer".

That left me and Jakiri to be alone for a little while. Both of us stared at the ground, ashamed of how we had acted toward the other. We each knew that our behavior would only have befitted very young children under normal circumstances. "Forgive me, Mistress," Jakiri said, looking up at me sorrowfully. "I...forgot my place. For a while I had forgotten what it was like to have my own life, but now I know that my duty comes first and foremost above all."

"You had a right to be angry," I replied. After such a sincere admitting of wrongs, I felt that it would be a very stupid thing to do if I didn't apologize also. "Me and Kurama, I think it was just a short escapade anyway. I felt abandoned, so I reached out to the one I knew would love me deep within no matter how he tried to hide it. After a while, I just thought that if I didn't let either of you in, all my problems would be solved."

We looked at each other, smiling. Jakiri had forgiven me for loving Kurama, and somewhere deep inside, I wanted to forgive her for ignoring me. It seemed such a self-centered thing to be angry about, after all. Both of us lay on the bed, working out the wrongs we had done to each other. Rose petals were everywhere, and some had even begun to stick to the walls. As I let all my fears and confessions go, they fell on top of us, dark and moist once more. They were so soft on my skin, and I grabbed one, stroking it with my thumb.

"I'm sorry," I whispered finally, and sat up, rose petals falling from my torso. My clothes had become torn rags hanging limply from my body. There was no shape left to them at all. Wherever there was a cut, there was an even longer tear in my clothes. Stained with blood, they were also a horrible sticky mess. Getting up from the bed, I dug through the warbrobe. There was a giant fold of white cloth, much like the one Kurama wore. I peeled off my old clothes and wrapped the snowy cloth around me. Jakiri found a small brooch that was silver with a light blue gem set in it and used it to fasten the garment onto me.

Just as I had arranged the folds so that they didn't show too much skin, I looked down to see that the bottom only came down to midthigh on me at its lowest point. Kurama walked in and smiled. "I see you found a way to turn it into something that suits you," he said, smirking. Behind him was a short girl with green hair and large, black eyes. She wore a light green dress that fell to her knees with an ankle-length train behind it. In the center of her forehead was a white jewel that glowed eerily. "This is Yuki," he said, after he caught my attention again. This woman emanated a tremendous aura that said she was far more powerful than her slight frame portrayed. Looking into her eyes, I could see the hardness that came with the experience of having dealt with all types, having seen the most grotesque wounds. Perhaps some of them made me look like a little girl crying over a few tiny scrapes.

"If you do anything to hurt Kaiina, revenge will be taken," Jakiri said from the corner, speaking in a low, dangerous tone.

"If I meant to hurt her," Yuki said calmly, "I wouldn't have let you and Kurama live this long." At mention of Kurama's name, she smiled a little bit and then turned back to me. "So, you are Kaiina, the spoiled, deposed princess."

"I'm different than your preconceived notions, then," I retorted sharply.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist," Yuki replied. "Your father forced my mother to die a very painful death. Perhaps the two of us are destined to share such a path."

"I doubt it," I said cuttingly, anger seething in my mind.

"Well, then, let's get on with it."

Yuki ran her hands lightly over body, feeling what would have been my natural outline had I not had all those gashes and welts from my own torture. "What did you do to yourself?" she murmured, finishing up by cupping my head in her hands. "Something big must have happened here," she said. "I can close up the wounds, but there will be pain from time to time. There's a sort of...barrier. When I try to delve into the wound and mend it, something in your body protests very strongly. If you want, I can try to push past it. However, it will be painful." Just wanting to live normally again, I nodded.

With a look of deep concentration, she pressed her hands to the place on my stomach where the deep gash was. Closing her eyes, I could feel something tingling on the surface. All of a sudden, my eyes shot open, and I felt the most unbearable pain. Hot needles seemed to be poking their way into my skin, sinking in so I could feel the searing heat. Everything raged in protest, and I reflexively sent out a surge of power, knocking Yuki against the wall. She got up easily enough and glared at me, trying it again. This time, the needles penetrated even deeper, and I could feel something melting away. Liquid fire scorched my soul, melting in around it, cradling it with the feel of a hateful mother's touch. It would have been gentle if not for the pain that made me cry out desperately, speaking names that I had almost forgotten for so long, friends from the days when my family had still been alive.

Suddenly, the fire formed into something solid, and there was an in and out motion, going in and out of my skin. I raged on and on, but it didn't go away this time. Defeated by this horrific pain, I sank back, only to find that it was gone, My eyes watered heavily, but I blinked away the tears. Jakiri looked over at me and smiled. I could see Yuki stepping away, shaking her hands as though they had been seared as badly as I had. "It's over," she said. "You should only have a few minor scars. About that large gash down the middle of your front, I closed it up, but I couldn't stop a little scar from forming."

"Thank you," I murmured, wrapping my arm around Kurama's and sitting up with little difficulty.

"Just rest a while and you'll be fine," Yuki said matter-of-factly, and walked out the door, the long part of her dress fluttering out behind her.

"Finally," I breathed, looking up at Kurama. Jakiri sighed, rolled her eyes, and got up to leave. He helped me out of the bed and looked at me lustily. He had wanted me whole for so long, and now it was finally true. I wasn't wounded and abed.

"You look more beautiful than ever," he whispered to me, and brushed my hair back. By now, Jakiri had left the room to attend to other things.

"You don't need to starve yourself for their sake," I retorted, teasing him about his drawn appearance.

"I was just worried," he retorted, laughing at my comment.

My body was in his arms, and he could have taken me by force if he really wanted to. However, I wasn't sure if I wanted another brief escapade. Would it lead to me having too much to handle, or would it be the best experience I would ever know? Did he really love me, or was Jakiri right? Confused thoughts swirled in my head as I gazed up into his eyes. Yuki had acted like she wanted him, but she already knew that he was taken. She would be better suited for him. There was no tentativeness to her, no hesitation. She would be quick to please him, and he would be so much happier. Despite that, he wanted me. I decided that, brief escapade or not, I would try to enjoy the moment without thinking of Yuki.

He stroked my back for a little while, one arm wrapped around my waist. I shrank back for a little while, but then I fell into him, letting him at least have me for a little while. Scared of what might happen, I stood on my tiptoes, but he lifted me so easily,cradling me in his arms. "The night comes swiftly," he said softly, kissing my cheek with utmost tenderness. Even the night and its cover did not provide enough security for me to feel safe. I looked up at him, my eyes filling with tears. He pressed my head to his chest, and let me cry into him for what seemed like forever.

"I'm so sorry," said between sobs. "I just don't know if I'm ready for this. I don't know if I can measure up to the great lover that you have set me up to be. Please, Kurama, I need my space. I just need to get away from all the confusion for a while."

"But you're not leaving, are you?" he asked, tempting me with his eyes of molten gold.

"I have to," I said, my tears drying up slowly. "Otherwise, I don't know if I'll ever be ready. Please, just let me go this once, and I promise I'll come back someday. Someday, we'll find each other again, and I'll be ready to love you like you deserve."

Setting me down, he looked at me with sorrow and disappointment in his eyes. I couldn't look at him anymore, not after just having rejected the one who had loved me so deeply. The feel of his soft hands lingered on my skin, and his scent lingered all over me. It was just a brief escapade, though, and I had to get away. Oh, it felt so horrible to lie to him.


	4. Homecoming

The next morning, Kurama saw me off to Hell's Grove. I had to go back. There were no other options, and I wasn't ready to get tangled in the complexities of romance. Though rather distressed about it, he seemed to have accepted it. Despite this, I still felt as though I was abandoning him once again. I had just told him that I wasn't ready to be with him all the time, so I needed space. The truth, however, was that I was afraid of being caught in a relationship with someone I barely knew. He didn't know me _that_ well, and I had only been near him for a little over two weeks. Now that my time of confusion was over, I knew that things would be better.

"Remember me," I said softly, letting him embrace me one last time. Maybe someday I would be deserving of him in my own eyes. Even if I never was, I knew that somewhere deep inside, I would always love him with that same passion that he had felt. My immature mind wasn't yet ready to accept these truths, so I looked up at him with sadness in my eyes. "This may be goodbye," I continued. "We both operate in a dangerous world. Death comes easily to those who deal within its borders."

"You stay safe," Kurama said, touching my cheek playfully. "We have...unfinished business."

"Farewell," I whispered.

"Goodbye, beautiful Kaiina."

Before he could see my silent tears, I turned away and let Jakiri escort me away. "It's alright, mistress," she said gently. "We all have to let go sometime." The path seemed so far now that I remembered I was leaving behind the one who had always loved me. Once we were out of Kurama's sight, I broke into a full run, and I saw Jakiri sprout large, bat-like wings and fly next to me. She was a flash of shimmering blue with how fast we were going, but I didn't see even a drop of sweat on her forehead throughout the whole run.

Jakiri was far older than me by many hundreds, perhaps even thousands of years. The Iceshadow Dragons had protected my family since the beginning of time, and I didn't even know how long each of them lived. When they died of natural causes, they always seemed to be very old, and had stopped saying or even remembering their age. Most likely, Jakiri was a little over eight-hundred years old.

Not until we got on the road did I realize how far we really had to go until we got to Hell's Grove. Several small towns passed me by, but I didn't feel like stopping until I got to the one place where I would be safe, where no one but Jakiri could reach me, for the forest knew her almost as well as it knew me. There was no place left to go beside my old homeland, and I felt as though this would be the first step toward a certain healing. Kurama's memory would fade in my mind and vice versa, and then we would both be able to continue the lives that we enjoyed leading.

Then there was the possibility that I would not feel better at all until I was reunited with him, and I would have to hold myself back for many years. Going back to that fox was only asking for more trouble, and he would have been able to persuade me to do things that I wouldn't have done under normal circumstances. Jakiri and I both agreed that our departure was for the better. After all, Sako had also been something of a bother for her after the first couple of days. He had kept her away from my side and her duties.

Nothing but the will to find peace would have taken me away from Kurama, and such a will had broken loose while I was staying at his place. Somehow, accidents seemed to happen more frequently when I was around him. While I was defending my servant, a fairly new scar had been ripped open. Because he had loved me so deeply and forced me into such a timid corner, I had almost separated myself from my soul, tearing my body apart in the process. Due to the fact that I had angered him after angering Jakiri, I found out what it was like to be in total desolation. Very few good things had happened there, and the bad definitely outnumbered those. The worst part of all had been his snide comments.

The good things that happened there were so good, though. I loved to reminisce about the times when he had overtaken me. Even though I was hardly a match for him, and had no need to be tied down by the fetters of a lover, it had felt warm when he held me, when his hand brushed against my cheek. When he kissed me, I could feel the fire of his passion, brimming over. He controlled it only out of respect for me. How I had become so soft, I could not fathom, but it gave me a sense of purpose in life, as though I wasn't just a bloodthirsty killer anymore who ravaged the land. I viewed myself with more finesse, more skill than that.

Still the mystery of why I had even been attracted to him remained. Had it been his suave manners, the gentle touch he possessed, or perhaps his handsome looks? All of those seemed such shallow reasons to fall in love, but I had to find out somehow, and explore every single possibility.

A ways down the road, Jakiri suggested we stop in a certain pub to rest. There was no place else to stop, and when I walked in, cloaked in dark emerald, the stench of low-class filth filled my nose. It was unbearable. They were all the dirty, pathetic scavengers of Makai. When they killed, it was for some master that they drooled over upon receiving a few coins. Nonetheless, we had been walking nearly the whole day, so I consented to stop there. They would have been suspicious if I had left anyway.

"Hey," called one of the newcomers sitting at a table to my left, "you got a face beneath that cloak?" I glowered at him from within the shadows of my hood.

"Heh, probably one of those uppity servants of Kurama's" he said, seeing that I wasn't going to reply with words. "What's the word on his big operation? Gonna go steal somein' from the Prince, i'nt he?"

"I wouldn't know," I shot back coldly, and moved on to another empty table.

Before I could sit down, I felt a hand on my arm. It was that man who had been harassing me. Everything about him seemed to have a certain stench about him, making me desire his company even less. "What do you want?" I asked, lowering my hood.

"Nothin' much," the grubby little fiend replied. "Just...a little cash. Kurama's got quite a tab here, and as the manager, I'd like to see it paid."

"I'm not one of Kurama's messengers," I shot back flatly.

"Well then, how come you have one of those cloaks?"

"I made it," I retorted, and tried to stalk out of the place. This wasn't very relaxing at all.

However, all of the other demons in the place had formed a half-circle around me. Drawing my saber, I stood poised for battle. Since my childhood, I had been an expert fighter, and my skill had only increased with age. "Pathetic filth," I spat, eyeing each and every one of them. There was no easy way to get out of this one. Quite a few demons would have to be killed. It wasn't as if they were the most respectable kind anyway.

"We heard that," the manager said, and launched himself at me, charging up some sort of crude energy attack. Dodging easily, I smirked and flipped my saber so that it slid smoothly across his throat. A few more came at me, so I jumped into the air, landing on one of the rafters. One stretched out batlike wings and flew up to meet me, his jaws gaping wide, revealing very long, sharp teeth. Leaping from rafter,I soon found myself backed up against a wall and smiled. "Wrong move," I said, and very hard vines came up to suffocate him, sprouting out of the wood.

The rest came, and they, too, fell easily. It was pathetic how the lot of them could barely provide a challenge. Standing amidst a pile of blood, broken furniture, and corpses, I turned to Jakiri. "Was that really necessary?" she asked, giving me that chiding look again.

"Of course not," I said with a grin. "Just having my fun for the day." My servant sighed and we moved on, a few bloodstains covering my cloak.

However, just as we were about to walk away from the tavern, I turned and saw a flash of silver and gold. The shade of gold reminded me of the look that Kurama had given me when he had loved me with all his being. Seeing that silver color recalled the time when I had untied the cord binding his hair back, and it had flowed outward like a tranquil river, down his back, almost below his waist. "Wait!" I shouted as he ran away. Following him, I heard Jakiri vaguely call the same thing.

Through the back roads of the town and finally to a thick forest, I followed the mysterious figure. A sense of belonging enveloped me, and I knew that I was in my forest. It was the opposite end from where I was supposed to be, but that was inconsequential for the moment. All that mattered was not losing his trail. I could see a long lock of silver hair streaming out behind, and I hoped inwardly that it was him. "Kurama?" I called, and I saw the figure stop. Was it really?

"What are you doing Kaiina?" he said, turning around to gaze at me. I could see those saddened eyes of molten honey, and his hair was bound back in that same ponytail again, with a silver cord criss-crossed around it.

"I...I don't know," I lied. "I was heading back to Hell's Grove."

"This is the other side of the forest," he stated matter-of-factly, gazing at me flatly.

"Well, I know the forest well enough, so it doesn't matter," I retorted weakly. "What are you doing here, more importantly? Following me again?"

"No. Business. Actually, I'm about to be late. I'm afraid I must say adieu for now. Perchance I'll see you again...afterward." With that, he stepped back into the shadows. When I dashed in to find him, he had mysteriously vanished.

Inwardly, I called myself an idiot a million times over. How could I have been so stupid as to follow him? Now I had to trek through the one part of the forest that I didn't know. Here was where the old inhabitants had lived. It felt as though I was treading upon holy ground, with no right to be here. "Jakiri," I said sharply, "where to from here?" For an answer, she pointed one finger straight ahead, into a part that grew very dark, where many vile things resided. Such creatures were older than time itself, and they would not hesitate to attack any passersby. This was the region that even I had avoided ever since coming to Hell's Grove.

Slowly but surely, I stepped forward, making sure not to stray too far from Jakiri. If anything attacked, I wanted her to be able to watch my back. She was also silent the entire way, and I wanted to run through this place. If I did though, something would find me easily. Albeit this was the forest where I grew up, I didn't know the terrain or the shortcuts of this part. Stepping carefully over any bushes we encountered, I listened anxiously, hoping that no sounds would come, no creatures would find us.

Of course, find us they did. The sound of light footsteps resonated within my mind, and soon I saw huge, lupine shadows. At least, they had four legs and fur. Each one had a hunchback, with inky, dark green fur and malicious black eyes. Glaring at me, five of them circled both me and Jakiri, and I knew that this would be far more difficult than was planned. I just shouldn't have let Kurama snatch my curiosity again like that...

I looked around to try and find some way to escape quickly, but each hound covered one exit. These were from the deepest pits of Hell, beasts that had come to live in this forest because they were excommunicated from their original home. Otherwise, they would not have been unleashed on wanderers like myself. Before another breath could even be drawn, one leaped forward, with the other four closing in also. Scrambling, I leaped to the side and swiped my saber where its throat should have been. Where I cut it, no blood poured out, and I could see through to the rest of its body. This thing was hollow, barely a creature at all, but a shell of what it once was.

Despite its lacking in the ways of life, the hound leaped right back to attack me, and I stepped back, vicious teeth sinking into my flesh. Jakiri muttered several incantations in her own language and ice flew at one, only to melt as the lupine beast's fur bristled. "Sharniech, liorei hanata!" White light enveloped my servant, and I had to concentrate hard not to look. Her wings returned, and her body took on a slender shape. Icy blue eyes gleamed out of her face, and I could see the dark blue shade of her body. Monstrous wings were spread wide, and she beat them once, sending her opponent flying back in the air.

"Jakiri," I whispered, silently thanking her for transforming when she did. Knowing that we might have the upper hand now, I held my saber firmly at leaped at a fresh hound, tearing into its flesh with my weapon. Loud howling sounds that were closer to terrified shrieks rang through the air, and I looked at each one in turn. The wounds I had inflicted had healed up, and now they were refreshed. Jakiri glared at them, her head bent low as she snarled dangerously.

Craning her neck, Jakiri slammed one long-taloned foot into the ground, her claws sinking in slowly, and a surge ripped up the earth, finding its way to one of the hounds. Underneath the foul beast, the ground opened up, and its cry sounded forth while it was still plunging into the depths of Hell's fire. Ice sprouted up elsewhere, taking another beast by surprise, and I stood and watched while the attention was diverted from myself. Sweat glistening off my body, I listened to their cries as each in turn plummeted to the depths of Makai, a place from which no being returned.

"Are you alright?" I asked Jakiri, watching as she shrank back down to her usual form, staring down at her hands in shock.

"Yes, mistress," she said gently. "Let's try and hurry to Hell's Grove though. I don't think I can do that again for a while."

"It's alright," I replied, looking down at the ground. "We might not have lived through that if not for your little trick. I thought that power was lost to the Iceshadow a while back."

"That's what we wanted the outside world to think," Jakiri replied, flashing a wan smile. "Through our mixing with the human and demonic races, the Iceshadow Dragons' power has certainly been weakened. Originally, our only forms were those of a drake, but now it's extremely difficult to transform without some sort of aid."

"Then what did you use?" I asked, an obvious question.

The same old grave look taking over her face once more, Jakiri pulled aside part of the high neck of her dress and showed me a gem that was such a light shade of blue, it almost looked white. Pulsating rapidly, it glowed a darker hue, and I felt so stupid for not noticing it earlier. "It's the eye of my mother," she said, fingering it cautiously. "It sounds barbaric, but the eye of an Iceshadow hardens after death, forming a gem that is worth incredibly large sums of money." A moment of awkward silence took over once more as we picked up the pace. Now that we were nearing Hell's Grove, I could feel the energies within it reacting to me, welcoming home the master they had known for many years.

Hell's Grove had been the birthplace of my family. Forged of the raw earth, Kiraaya was the mother of my entire family. As the seventh generation, I was the last survivor. However, while the generations grew more and more sophisticated, they drifted away from their birthplace, erecting buildings that had far more grandeur to them in order to replace their old home. Once Kiraaya was dead, they abandoned the place entirely.

I had stumbled upon the place by accident; either that or it had called out to me. Awakening my powers that are linked very closely to the earth, Hell's Grove quickly became my place of peace and meditation. Whenever I was troubled, my footsteps carried me there automatically. Nothing could keep me from the place that had become my retreat. It was there that I met Jakiri, who was a fugitive from her own tribe. If I wished to return there, the forest itself would have to rebel against me in its entirety. The scent of the leaves changed, and I knew that I was home.

"We've finally returned," I told Jakiri, watching her look around the place. The grass was soft and lush, with only one large stump in the middle to interrupt that. That tree had been cut down in an attempt to stifle the calling this place sent out to all members of my family. However, my strength in spiritual power had shown me the way, and it had never failed me before.

"This is the only home I've ever had," Jakiri confided. "It feels good to be back."

Setting down my supplies, I dropped onto my back in the deep green of my home. It did feel wonderful to be home again, without having to consider fights with Kurama or with Jakiri. "What now?" Jakiri asked. "We have gotten out of Kurama's mansion, but what will we do now. After seeing the outside world again, I..."

"You what?"

"I don't want to go back to the old way. It was so tiresome the way we were living before, and with Kurama's gang of thieves, there were others there, others who were very different from anyone I had ever met before." Deep inside, I knew that this was true. How could I leave behind a life where there were other demons around beside me and Jakiri?

Suddenly, a loud scream rang out through the forest. It sounded like a masculine voice, and I remembered how we had seen Kurama earlier. Frightened as to what had become of him, I dashed toward the source of the voice, hoping against hope that it hadn't been him...

**A/N: Sorry for those who are reading this and were waiting so long for an update. I've been busy lately, and I've had to do stuff over the summer for school. Hopefully, the next chapter won't take quite so long. Anyhow, thanks to those who reviewed, and I'm very grateful that I even got any. What with the vast number of stories and authors, I find it's very difficult to get noticed on this site. Thanks again to those fans I have, and I hope to hear from you again soon!**

**Miari**


	5. Heartbreak

I ran swiftly as I could and decided that it couldn't be Kurama. It had to be one of his underlings. However, when I got to the location of the scream, the dead silence bespoke a funeral ground. Something had happened here that wasn't right. Nothing could shut up that annoying voice that said I shouldn't have left him out there to be taken by something more dangerous than his desires: his recklessness. Upon abandoning me, he seemed to have abandoned the skillful caution that had helped in his success. Loneliness crept over me as the creatures of the forest sang, their voices raising up a lament to those lost.

"Mistress?" Jakiri called. "Mistress, please, it's alright..." Nothing could stop the tears. Guilt made me feel so inadequate that I wished she would plunge her claws deep into my throbbing heart. Death was the only way to escape the pain. It was the only way I could atone for his death. Why hadn't I seen it? Yuki was obvious and very forward, but it wasn't her that he wanted. Kurama had always wanted me more than he would ever want any other woman. My heart had been so obviously blind to every gesture, every act of rejection when I turned him down. If he didn't have me, then he wouldn't have anyone else.

Tears formed so easily in my eyes as I sat there, not seeing his body. I didn't even see his corpse, but I could sense an emptiness in the forest, as though something important had left. Before I could even realize or confess my feelings, my flurried emotions, I had lost him. Now he was gone forever, never to return. It struck me like a thousand painful daggers. I felt the way I had when those thorns rent my flesh, tearing it to pieces. No, that made me think of him. It felt as though he were looking down on me with scorn...no. It felt like I had been a complete and total asshole toward him when he loved me with every scrap of passion in his soul. Yes, but I didn't want to believe in my naivete.

Jakiri rested a hand on my shoulder and I felt myself slowly drifting off to sleep, or something of a half-sleep. "No," I murmured restlessly. "NO! I don't want to think about him anymore!" To my servant, it didn't matter. She would do what she thought was best for me, and I was already closing my eyes against my will...

_"Kurama," I whispered, wrapping my arms around myself and shivering. In this world it was cold, there was nothing left to feel except for this numbing coldness. "Kurama," I cried again, a tear falling from my eye. "Please, don't be dead. I don't know what I have left. There's nothing for me to do anymore except fade away into oblivion." Now tears streamed, and I collapsed to a kneeling position, bent over the cold, frost-covered ground. It burned on my knees, bared by my loose skirt that fell just short of that area. However, I knelt there, clutching my head frantically as though letting go would mean letting go of those few memories we had shared._

_A hand suddenly slapped me across the face. It was my master from my days as an assassin. His hardened features were a greyish hue, almost black. Brightly livid green eyes glared out at his softened pupil coupled with a stubborn frown. "This isn't the Kaiina I knew," he said, spitting on the ground before me. "You've become nothing but a disgrace to yourself, and to everything you or your family ever was. Now you're just nothing, a soft-hearted idiot with nowhere to run."_

_"NO!" I cried. "It isn't true!" Standing up, I found that the cold caused me to stagger, but my master showed no signs of faltering. There was nothing that could be done to make him fall like I was about to._

_Before there was time for me to draw my saber, he leaped at me, his steel pole crashing into my face, sending searing pain through my frozen body. Chill enveloped me, and I could hear his laughing. Never before had I remembered it being that wicked. No, it had been far kinder when I was the cold, emotionless wretch that he had praised so often. That monster hadn't deserved the praise, but now I understood. My own kind wouldn't take me in anymore. From here on out, it would be me and Jakiri, and that would be about it._

_The icy embrace of death seemed to be closing in on me. However, I felt something wrapped around me, and I was in his embrace. It felt so good after being away for so long. Now his kiss felt like the liquid fire that soothed my veins, got my blood flowing again. Regaining control of myself, I wrapped my own arms around his neck, feeling every part of him. It was all so real, and I didn't want it to ever end. While I kissed him passionately, we were both on the ice, ignoring the chill that was probably freezing us together as one. _

_Looking at him, I saw his silver hair spread out across the white, snowy ice. Golden eyes like molten honey gazed at me so lovingly as his hand touched my cheek briefly. It had seemed like so long since we were alone...alone and happy. Jakiri had created a gap between us that had been very difficult to bridge at first, but now I just felt him constantly, letting him touch me and flood my chilled body with his warmth. Somehow, though he was touching the ice, he wasn't cold at all. "Please forgive me," I said softly, kissing him briefly on the lips. "I should never have left you."_

_"No," he said with a winning smile. "It was my fault. I shouldn't have let you go." Pressing me close to him, he let me rest my chin on his shoulder, staring into that soft mass of silver hair._

_"Can't we just stay here forever," I asked, tears running down my face. "Please, I don't want you to leave. Not again. Not for the third time."_

_"I have to," he said. "Your servant will want you back, and I will try to find a way. Trust me, beautiful Kaiina. We will see each other again?"_

_"But how-?" He was gone. There was no time left for questions as I laid my head down on the ice, not caring whether my cheek would end up frozen to it or not. Honestly, I hoped it would..._

"That was a cruel trick," I muttered to Jakiri, who had settled my head comfortably in her lap. My voice was entirely monotone. Why bother with expressions when the one who had shown me how to feel many different emotions was gone?

"I thought you might be happy to see him again," my servant retorted, giving a look that demanded the retraction of my ingratitude.

"Illusions are no way to see him," I said, sitting up. "I have to see him in person."

And there indeed he was, lying prone on the ground. His toga-like garment was torn in several places, and I could see cuts and scrapes from various minor injuries. Nothing was left entirely intact, but I embraced him nonetheless, stroked his back, kissed his cold lips. It felt like dancing with a corpse, but I wanted to love him in any way that I could before the animals picked the body apart, feasting on the man who was my love. We wouldn't see each other again. We would never even hear each other's voices in the future. He was gone for the rest of eternity, and I was doomed to a life of misery.

Jakiri looked at me sadly, unsure as to what to do. Never before had I been this depressed, and it felt so terrible I wanted it to just go away. However, it wasn't about to do that. The pain tore at my soul, rent my heart in two, slashed my thoughts of happiness to bits. Now there was only sadness...complete sadness and this cold, lifeless body.

Nothing could be done about that. There were very powerful demons out there like Yuki, who could do great deeds, but they couldn't cheat death. No one ever can. It is the one thing that is both imminent and final in this world. Each of us, even those believed to be immortal, will die at some point in time, and when we die, we shall never be able to be resurrected. We shall be lost to those who loved us, or happily reunited with them in the afterlife. There is nothing more to death than that. Otherwise, it is a sad and cruel thing that either causes the corrupt to feel pleasure, or the caring to feel horrible, biting, tooth-gnashing pain. I was left in a situation where the only logical thing to do was to die.

Yet there did remain that very small hope, the one that somehow he would find a way back to me and the one thing he had ever loved in this world. Who knew what it would be? Perhaps he would appear as some strange ningen, or a creature from their world. Perhaps he would appear as a beast, ready to impale me upon its horns before it remembers the love it once had, too late to save either life. For my own selfish desires, I hoped he would appear as the same old Kurama. Then he would know me, and I would know him at first glance.

There was nothing at all to be done, and now everything had fled from me before my tearstained eyes. The one whom I had loved, who had loved me when I needed it most, was gone. Jakiri's sheltering arms seemed so far beyond compare to his. His simple touch made her melt into a very small puddle, wanting him to touch her more, yet not wanting to give him the satisfaction of victory.

Looking down at my collarbone, which was bared by the shirt that I wore, I saw a deep cut further down. That was the one that Yuki had declared infected and unhealable. Kurama had been the cause of that, hadn't he? He'd forced me to such distress that I had secluded my own soul away from my body, wreaking havoc upon my empty corpse. It was so dangerous, behavior like that, and I didn't want to do that ever again. "I can't just run away again," I confided to Jakiri. "What if he comes back and I'm too busy acting like the scared, immature child that I am?"

"You'll know it when he's back," Jakiri replied, filling her voice with as much confidence as she could muster. "He _will_ be back."

With nothing else to do, I embraced my servant, and then looked at the corpse. Feeling lonely again, I laid down next to it and caressed his face, his beautiful golden eyes closed, perhaps never to look at me again. "Don't leave me alone," I whispered in his ear. "You will find me in Ningenkai. I'll be there when you're ready for me to come to you. Please, do come back. For now, farewell." I kissed him softly on the cheek one last time and then raised myself up, ready to leave the place that held so many memories.

"Can you open a portal to Ningenkai?" I asked Jakiri.

"Certainly," she replied. Raising one arm to the sky, white light enveloping it. More uncertain than ever, I watched in amazement. Soon enough, the light shaped itself into a rough circle. Shining so brightly...I felt blinded by its radiance, just like I had when we had been together for a few minutes that night. Tears ran down my cheeks, but there was no one else beside me and Jakiri, so I stepped through...

The first thing I saw was a bustling city. Wherever it was, everything was busy here. Ningens bustled around in a hurry, chatting on strange contraptions and shuffling through what seemed to be endless stacks of papers. It was so different from the wild world of Makai. This place had been tamed.

Shuffling past all the people, I searched for a place to stay where it would be free. Force wouldn't work here; it would be too conspicuous. Jakiri and I looked at each other, and ducked into an alleyway. "We need to take on disguises," I whispered. Let's start with the appearance." With a flick of my hand, my eyes turned a deep, liquid blue, and my hair became a smooth, inky black. My height remained for the most part, with only a few inches taken off. The clothes could be taken care of soon enough.

Jakiri chose something far more elaborate. She became a very pretty blonde, with innocent baby blue eyes, brighter than the sky itself. Her frame was so simple: a little curvacious, but fit. Before, I had never seen her actual shape through the long dress that she wore. It was still there, but somehow she made it a little more fitted, snug around her shapely hips. Producing a long, thin blue ribbon from the folds of her garment, she used it to tie her hair back in a loose ponytail, a few golden strands falling forward. "You look so beautiful," I said, looking at the transformed Jakiri.

"This was what my mother's original form looked like," she said, looking to the sky with her big, pretty eyes. Silence fell over both of us, and I decided it was time to go find some clothes that would fit in here, rather than the garb of forest warriors.

Here, there seemed to be certain shops where clothing was sold, rather than having it custom made. Several of the shirts said things that contained references which I didn't get. It was all so very interesting, but I wanted to choose something inconspicuous. In the end, I chose a pair of dark grey pants and an olive green shirt. Jakiri wore a white sleeveless top that had a slit going a couple inches down and a pair of blue jeans that fit her very well. The saleswoman looked at us and how we are dressed and barely suppressed a snicker. Too sad and tired to be angry, I took the useless plastic bag and went off with Jakiri to the restrooms to change.

Now that the point of our appearance had been changed, I decided it was time to find a place in which to live. Neither of us knew how such arrangements worked in this world, so we both walked up and down the streets. Darkness fell and we still hadn't found a place. So, the both of us decided on a very run-down parking garage that looked about ready to fall apart. This might not have been the ideal place, but we both knew that there wasn't going to be anyplace else.

As we were both falling asleep, I walked out to the outside of this dingy old building, a blanket wrapped around me. Cold though it was, my heart felt colder. Hopefully, Kurama could find his way here, where I was waiting for him earnestly. With a rueful sigh, I whispered his name softly, as if he was there, and lay on my back, imagining that the stars formed his face...

**A/N:Sorry for the short chapter, but there really wasn't much else to communicate. Thanks once again to all my reviewers, and I hope you continue to enjoy "The Midnight Rose"!**

**Miari**


	6. Hope

**A/N- Wow, don't have many reviews yet, but I'm so happy to know that those few fans I have are quite consistent. Thank you to my loyal fans and please spread the news. Sonya, I agree with you entirely, so you can help spread the word about this rather undiscovered story. Quite glad that I made you cry though. Here goes another chapter...hope you enjoy!**

**Miari**

_Stirring slightly, I awakened to see a familiar face before me. "Kurama!" I shouted, throwing my desperate arms around his neck. Dressed in my ningen clothes, I blushed a little at the fact that I was hiding even while he was around. "I've missed you so much."_

_"And I've missed you, my lovely Kaiina," he replied, brushing a hand against my cheek. It seemed as though I had gone from strong lover to porcelain doll once more, but this time I actually did feel like a doll. My heart had been starved for the love that only he could give, and I didn't want to abandon all hopes of his return._

_"You look thinner," Kurama observed. "You needn't starve yourself over me." Burying his face in my now glossy black hair, he breathed deeply, taking in my scent and enjoying it. These were the small gestures that I remembered from our short time together, the things that had sent chills down my spine._

_"I feel like less of a person now," I replied, wrapping my arms around his waist. Somehow, he had become more muscular, even more attractive, if that was possible. There was no option of running away anymore. I **had** to find him, and as soon as possible. "How can I return to you?"_

_"Go to Yuki," he began. "She knows how to find me. She will tell you how to reach me and perhaps help you in doing so. She's a jealous woman, but she knows who I really love. Please, Kaiina, it's nearly dawn...time for me to go."_

_"One last thing," I said softly, reaching out to grab his arm._

_"What?"_

_"I'm sorry I left you there. I should never have let that happen. Not in my forest, at least. It was the place I knew best, but I couldn't-" He placed a finger on my lips, then drew me into a very long passionate kiss. After we broke apart, I was nearly in tears, knowing that he had to leave._

_"It wasn't your fault," he said, and slowly that dear image faded away, until the darkness would hide away the veil of death once more..._

A hand on my shoulder awakened me sharply, and I felt the lush grass beneath me. For a split second, I thought I was back in Hell's Grove. However, my mind snapped back to unwelcome reality, and I realized Jakiri was kneeling next to me, and we were in Ningenkai. Her now innocent blue eyes stared down at me with concern, but I wasn't feeling receptive. All I could feel was the terrible cold that enveloped me. It was the desolation that I felt without Kurama.

"Mistress," my servant whispered, wrapping her arms around me tightly. Once again, there were a few more cuts on my body. Maybe I'd have to give up sleeping if it meant acquiring more small scratches. Tears fell from my eyes, and I looked up at her. No, Jakiri couldn't help me through this trauma. She couldn't wrap her arms around me like the mother I'd never had and comfort my screaming soul. It refused to shut itself up this time and condense into one little ball of misery. Dusky grey hung over the entire city right now, and it seemed to multiply my loneliness a thousand-fold.

Getting up in an instant, I took off, dashing toward the downtown, where there seemed to be plenty of places to go and run away. All I needed was somewhere to forget the misery. Maybe if I forgot, I wouldn't have to face my competitor like this, a weakened fragment of what I once was. Yuki couldn't see me like this and say how weak I was, how I was incomparable to her and how she should have Kurama! Sinking down against the wall of an alleyway, I clutched my hair, pulling on it vigorously and crying non-stop.

No one stopped to even try to comfort me. I was just a sad, lonely soul, a thing of the ordinary that was barely worth looking at. There were so many out there with worse problems than mine, but why was I so upset? Why couldn't I get over him and move on? There was never absolute love amongst demons, just lust and a night's thrill, something pathetically temporary. How could I have ever believed in such a philosophy?

I had believed because it was true. He had taken care of me, made no mistake that he loved me. We had laughed together, kissed, teased each other for the sole purpose that we found it entertaining. None of those memories remained now. It was just the vague feeling that I had once done those things, back when I had been a young, immature _harlot_! I had been needy, irresponsible, and overall weak. Now I had matured, right? Now I was beyond running from my problems...but that was what I was doing at that very moment, curled up tightly in a ball, hoping nobody would find me.

Raising my head slightly, I could hear Jakiri's voice. "Kaiina!" she called. "Come out! It's alright, just tell me what I did wrong!" Leaping to my feet, I jumped soundlessly on a dumpster and sprang up to the first windowsill. This process was very easy, until I reached the roof. There was nothing to do up there, except wait and try not to be seen or heard. Both were easy to do at the moment, since I really had nowhere to go. Nobody but Jakiri acted as though I existed. Kurama's touch would have been so very welcome at that moment, but he wasn't there. Leaning up against a door surrounded by a raised concrete rectangle, I slowly drifted to sleep, the only place where we were together anymore...

_"Kaiina, you're back early," he said, looking at me in pleasant surprise. "You didn't see Yuki." Shaking my head, I looked at him, tears in my eyes. There was no way to mince words; I had failed him and that was that. Tears fell...and fell...and fell some more, but I couldn't bring myself to stop. It wouldn't have been right to stop._

_"I couldn't bring myself to do it," I admitted. "Yuki is competition...she would have been too harsh...I couldn't have taken it."_

_"It's alright," he said, pressing me into his chest, letting me moisten his soft skin with my childish tears._

_Distraught and unsure, I looked up at him, my eyes still glistening brightly. There was nothing else to live for but finding him. Jakiri had shown me that she was capable of straying, and I knew it could happen again, even if she didn't want it to. There was no stopping the terrible force of nature, that which could be strong and intimidating enough to knock down the fiercest fighters. It was that very force combined with the even more powerful love that tied me and Kurama together, making us inseparable. "I'm sorry," I said. "I should have done it. I really do want to see you again, but I can't make myself go see Yuki...not yet, at least. Perhaps I'll send Jakiri to do it."_

_"Now, Kaiina," Kurama said, a sly smile illuminating his gorgeous face, "why spoil our few meetings with these apologies, especially when you're not even at fault? It's quite disappointing."_

_"You haven't changed a bit," I said, glaring at him, challenging him boldly in a contest that I rarely won._

_"There's no time for this," he said, kissing my cheek tenderly. "I've found a way back into the world, but I will be in Ningenkai, and it will take time."_

_"How much time?" I demanded, stroking his long, silver hair gently. _

_"Sixteen years, give or take." My jaw gaped open. That seemed like an eternity to wait. How could I live that long without really seeing him, touching him in reality, not this dream world? Would I be able to survive that long without Kurama?_

_Kurama, being the sly fox that he is, saw the distress in my eyes and wrapped an arm around my waist. It felt good to have him touch me, but it was different from a real touch, from the world that I was accustomed to, where I didn't have to run away. "I'm so tired of running away," I said softly, running my hand up and down his back in a tantalizing fashion. "How can I make those years go by faster? How is it possible to defy time?"_

_"Go see Yuki about that," he said, basically giving me a big, fat 'I told you so.' Somehow, I would have to gather up the strength to go see Yuki, and it definitely wouldn't be easy..._

Just as I was before, I was on the roof of a building, one that I didn't know. It could have been anywhere, and it didn't really matter anyway. Reality had come to rudely arouse me just when Kurama was about to feel me one more time, gently kiss me goodbye on the lips, any of those small gestures I had come to appreciate. Nothing else could duplicate the feeling I got when Kurama kissed me. So, it was definitely important that I go see Yuki. She would be in Makai, and if I just felt around a little...there was a portal almost right on top of me. Whispering a few archaic words, I watched the green ring of fire open up, creating an eerily colored light.

Then I was back in Makai, the place that held so many memories...in Hell's Grove, no less. Looking down at the ground, I could almost see the crimson blood pouring out of his veins, draining his life away as he screamed in agony, unable to contain the emotion anymore. There was his corpse, so beautiful even though it was drenched with blood. His silver tresses were spread out behind him, and I saw the last flickering of golden eyes before his lids were closed shut with the fateful sleep of death.

The scene was so nightmarish that I had to close my eyes for a moment and regather my thoughts. What was there to regather? I realized. Kurama was my only thought, him and reaching Yuki. Picking up the pieces of my broken heart, I carried on, toward the edge of the forest. When Yuki had healed me, she had left a trace of herself behind in me. Also, that trace seemed to lead me right to her door, which was locked quite tightly.

Even with some severe pulling, I couldn't open Yuki's door. Deciding to be polite to the wench, I rapped gently on the door and saw it swing open of its own accord, revealing a very small disheveled house to match a very small disheveled Yuki. "What do you want?" she demanded irritably. "I know he wants me to help you, but why should I? You put me out of the running with him."

Staring at her in indignation, I realized that she was just as catty as I was, and this was going to be quite the argument. However, it was the only way to get the information and the help that I needed. "Excuse me," I said, rolling my eyes flippantly, "but he _chose_ me over you. I didn't even like him to start with. Why do you think I left a couple days after you healed me?"

"Nice try," Yuki retorted sarcastically, shooting me a glare that could have killed anyone else.

"Nice try at what?"

"Getting me to help you," she said, as if it should have been obvious. Of course, it was my purpose here, but that didn't mean she, of all people, had to be sarcastic about it.

"Well, Kurama told me to see you," I said, glaring at her. "We both know that you wouldn't want to disappoint him. After all, he'll be coming back soon."

"Really now?" she said, perking up a little and feigning excitement. "I can tell that you have no ability in foresight. You couldn't have known that."

"He told me in my dreams," I said softly.

"Really," Yuki said. "He told me when we were in bed last night."

"Liar."

"Good," she replied, glad that I wasn't entirely dense. "I remember the time when me and Kurama were together. We met during one of his smaller raids..."

"He was in my master's house back when I was an apprentice. Studying hard, I was up late until dusk came, and I knew it was time to head to my chambers before the master found me out at such ridiculous hours. On my way down the stairs, I heard a sound, and pressed myself against the wall, hoping that whoever was there wouldn't see me. If it was my master, I would be flogged, most certainly. However, upon looking around the corner, I could tell that it was a very arrogant group of thieves. They all carried themselves as though they could have ruled Makai, talking and making noise as though I was deaf.

"It wasn't long before they began to head up in my direction, and I used a cloaking spell. It was simple, so I was able to weave my way through them, for the most part. When I got to Kurama, and saw him up close, I was so taken aback that one of his drones ran right into me. Startled out of my wits, my cloaking spell dissipated, and I was left out in the open. Kurama so kindly notified me that they could implement various forms of torture in such a situation, and being so young, I shrank back in terror of what they could do to me. Back then, I was hardly what one would call competent.

"Seeing how scared and pathetic I was, Kurama decided instead to start commenting on my features, using various forms of flattery to soothe my nerves. Instead of letting me go, he took me back to their headquarters, where I learned some...different skills. For a long time, we lived undisturbed, and truly in love.

"Then you came along. He set eyes on you, and nothing could divert them. Every night he would talk about you, dream about you, talk while sleeping as if he were lying next to you and not me. This carried on for a while, until I grew tired of it. Fed up with playing second to someone I didn't even know, I left him without a warning, without a trace, and made my own living, trained by myself, until I became what I am today." Finishing out her story, Yuki had a very nostalgic look on her face. I had known that she wanted Kurama, but I never knew that she had once had him.

"So, then, will you help me?" I asked, hoping she would say yes. Yuki seemed to be the sort who could make themselves into quite a problem if they wished it, and I didn't want to deal with that big a problem.

"Why not?" she replied, shrugging. "I've got nothing better to do. What do you need?"

"I need time to fast forward about sixteen or seventeen years. That's when Kurama said he would be ready."

"Say hello to him for me," Yuki said, and all of a sudden, the floor fell out from under me.

Not only had I not expected Yuki to help me, but I hadn't expected time travel to be so painful. A constant vortex seemed to pull me one way, then another, then another. Lights flashed brilliantly before my eyes, and I could see so many different images. They blurred together into one until I landed, looking around at Ningenkai, where I had been transported somehow. I was alone again, with no more Yuki and no more Kurama. Once more, I was being made to stay in a place that was entirely unforgiving.

There was nothing to do but wander, and hope that I found him as soon as possible. There was no telling what I would do if we weren't reunited soon. There were vast possibilities, none of them good. For all I knew, we were doomed to a life of eternal boredom, where we would slowly grow tired of each other. That would be such a disappointment, I barely gave that one a chance.

Gazing down the practically unchanged streets, I saw very little there in the way of places to stay and decided to walk a little further. It was too bad I had left Jakiri behind. She was so loyal, but I needed to make this pilgrimage alone, without her aid. If she came along, I would be hindered too far, and there would be the problems of both of us impeding my path. That was the one thing I didn't need, since I was strong enough to be on my own. I was strong enough to make it without someone to watch my back all the time, or so I thought.

Something flashed by and leaped out at me, pinning me to the ground and sitting on me triumphantly. "Aha! Finally found you!" a cocky voice shouted.

"Finally found what?" I growled. "A beating?" A few rather unnoticeable vines came and lifted that unwelcome body off of me. Standing up, I looked at the boy who had pinned me. His hair was black, slicked back and very greasy looking. Dark brown eyes stared at me viciously, as if he were circling in for the kill.

"You're that demon we've been looking for," he replied. "You broke into Kurama's vault!"

"Screaming won't solve anything," I said flatly, glaring up at him. "You think I would go near Koenma's office? He wants me dead, and the security would have spotted me. Even Kurama couldn't have gotten through there. I'd have to murder the Prince of Reikai to make it out of there alive."

"Well, your trace matches the DNA Koenma gave us, so please explain why you're not it!" the boy shouted, raising his fists as if he were ready to fight.

"You couldn't even take me," I spat, giving him the dirtiest look I could manage. This child was getting to be far too insolent for my tastes. "What's your name, anyway?"

"Yusuke Urameshi," he said confidently, as if that name could buy him all the glory in the world. Sighing heavily, I began to walk away, only to find that he was ready to follow me already.

"I'm done being the rabbit," I said. "I prefer the very illusory butterfly." Taking a giant leap into the air, I landed on a windowsill and jumped back and forth. Ahead there was a very large building that looked like some sort of office structure. It was nothing compared to the great architecture of Koenma's palace, but maybe I could find Kurama in the records there. If nothing else, I could get some information.

It didn't take long at all to get there, jumping from rooftop to rooftop. Nobody followed me, and I found that this building was a school. What kind, then? A martial arts school? When I went inside, I passed various rooms where people were studying. A few had them talking, but I came to one office where a stern man sat inside. Maybe he could help me find Kurama. "Excuse me," I said, walking in, "but I was wondering if you had any records of residents of the city that I could look through?"

"No, miss, I'm sorry," he said. "Are you the new transfer student?" Hey, if I couldn't get to those records, I could get in by being one of them and getting inside their operations.

"Good," he said. "You start tomorrow."

I said my farewells and left the building. On the way out, I saw a boy with long, vividly red hair and emerald eyes. He looked to be a little over six feet tall, and reminded me of Kurama. That couldn't be him, though. Kurama wasn't that soft, that gentle. Everything about that boy seemed so quiet, but I found it captivating at the same time.

Dismissing such silly thoughts from my head, I refocused, ready to begin my main objective: finding Kurama again. I didn't know what he would look like, or even if he would remember me, but I wanted to see him again, no matter what.


	7. The Plane of Luminescence

That night, I sat on the lawn of the school, right underneath the tree that the red-haired boy had been sitting under. Though I knew that he wasn't Kurama, he would have made a good temporary replacement. This spot smelled faintly of roses, a very sweet fragrance, but it also brought back memories. It reminded me of the time when I had ravaged my own soul, leaving only the mere shreds for Yuki to rebuild. Rose petals had fallen then, turning into blood once they touched me, making a soft splashing noise as this deeper crimson blood mixed with my own, which was slowly draining. Covered in blood, I had managed to reconcile with Jakiri.

Now I had managed to leave my ever-faithful servant behind. She was probably sitting elsewhere, reminiscing of the times when she had had a purpose to her life. Back in the days, she had been part of my life, when we inhabited Hell's Grove and stayed there for a while. She would teach me those techniques that I could learn, those that were known only by the Iceshadow Order. Only the simplest of those were within my grasp. Obviously, since I had been born a wolf demon, I had not managed to change myself into a drake as Jakiri had done. Without Jakiri, though, it seemed as if I was missing my significant other.

The stars were beautiful, forming a myriad of light as they illuminated the darkness. Darkness was the one thing that soothed me in most cases, but it felt good to know that, when everyone else was gone, I would have at least the stars to keep me company. My race was an ancient one, and I knew that I was destined for a far longer life than those of my friends and acquaintances. Even Yuki, with her powerful magic, wouldn't be able to outlive me.

Gazing up, I saw a few stars clumped together, about nine or ten of them. After reconfiguring them a few times in my mind, and mentally drawing in the lines, I saw a very crude image of a fox there. How interesting. The first night in Ningenkai, I had seen his face because I was so lost, but now that fox really was there. It really was a small fragment of the endless sky. Nothing could have made me back down on that point. "Kurama," I whispered, inhaling the scent of roses. He had always had that same aroma, but it had been darker, more mystical. This scent was very pretty, but not beautiful like Kurama's.

Smiling at my own idiotic thoughts, I reclined against the tree, finding a notch where my head rested comfortably. It was so peaceful here, compared to sleeping at Kurama's mansion the first few nights. Back then, when I still considered him to be rather aggravating as opposed to amusing, I was afraid that he would come in the night and rape me, tying me down until he had his way with me. Then I learned that he really wasn't out to take my body after all, and he just wanted to love me like he thought I deserved to be loved.

What a shock it had been to see that love was possible among demons. It was a passion greater than that which any other creature could possibly feel. It burned like a furious, angry fire that demanded to be satisfied. Once such a fire is kindled, it cannot be suppressed. It raged within me, consumed me, until I was nothing without him. Without Kurama, I was so much less than I was with him. When he left, I felt a gaping hole in my heart that seemed to ache without rest. Even when I slept, only the dreams of him could stop it for a short while, until my restless sleep was disturbed.

Many guardians must have been with him, for I never thought that he would find a way back; I had hoped, but I had never known for sure. He was always so strong, though I just knew him for a little over two weeks. Maybe, after all this time, he would have forgotten me by now, moved on to a woman far more beautiful and far more deserving than I. With this thought in my mind, I slowly fell asleep, sincerely hoping that he would come to me in my dreams once more, kiss me tenderly, love me like he always had...

_Looking around, I was in a very open valley. On the horizon was a gorgeous cathedral that had large stained-glass windows. They reflected the light in reds, blues, oranges, yellows, and many shades that I couldn't name if I tried. Any name I could have thought up for such hues would never have done their beauty justice. Its steeple rose high in the air, piercing the blue sky with its imposing blackness. There was no Kurama yet, but it felt as if his awe-inspiring person deserved to be in this scene of absolute beauty. So, having faith in the power of my will, I sat on the lush grass and waited for him to come and rescue me._

_Minutes passed, and there was no sign of him. Rather disappointed, I got up and walked around, toward the cathedral. It was so attractive that I thought he might be there, waiting for me to come and let him love me. Yes, that was all I would have to do...I would just have to come to him this time. Things wouldn't be any different than they had been before. He just hadn't felt like finding me for the millionth time. Maybe he was growing bored with always having to take care of me. Admittedly, I was rather high maintenance._

_The doors of the cathedral were wooden, carved with intricate vines that climbed up and down. Roses were etched in, entwined by the crimson flowers that I had come to associate with Kurama. Silence was the only thing I could hear when I pressed my ear to the door, but then again, the wood seemed incredibly thick. Slowly, tentatively, I opened one of those huge double doors and stepped into the main chamber. Somberly-colored tapestries were hung from the ceiling, and the entire place seemed to have a history of little more than bloodshed. Nothing else could have fit the place more perfectly._

_Each pew was adorned with a wreath of thorns, and one rose hovered in the center, a deep shade of scarlet, apparently remaining there of its own accord. Fingering one of the roses, I was able to take it in my hand without getting pricked by the thorns. Laughingly, I though of how similar this was to my relationship with Kurama. He had so many thorns, but with a little gentle guidance, I had been able to avoid those thorns and wrap my fingers carefully around the moist, green part that felt soft and alive to the touch. Kurama had tried to look more lively for me, he had tried not to make me live in the rough conditions that were imposed upon him and his comrades._

_Since there was nothing else here, I sat in the pew and looked up at the altar. A cross was hung behind it, but there was no corpse upon it. It was a simple, rather crude wooden cross. Wrapped around it and trailing to the ground were long vines with roses growing out of them. Staring in awe, I wondered what it could mean, but I was cut short by the sound of footsteps. "No one beside me has been here in a while," a light voice said. Each word it said was like a note on the harp, smooth and placid, but sharp and pronounced._

_"It's a very attractive place," I replied absently. It didn't occur to me to look around and see who I was talking to. Instead, my eyes were focused on the rose in my hand, as if it were Kurama. "It's a shame more people haven't come here."_

_"There has been one other," the voice said, "but he hasn't been here in a while."_

_At the prospect of Kurama having been here recently, I perked up, and I knew the guest was smiling...or did that voice belong to the host? "It was cruel Fate," it replied, as if reading my mind. Even without the power to read minds, any being with eyes could have read my gestures of eagerness. "Every time a new person finds their way here, he comes to paint a picture that will foretell the future." Baffled by this statement, I closed my eyes and tried to think for a little bit. What was "Fate" trying to tell me?_

_Suddenly I remembered that I didn't even know this person whom I was talking to? Was she even trustworthy? Somehow, I knew that this grave image would become reality, that I would be involved in this grief, whatever was going to happen. I stood up and stared at the figure that had been standing right behind me. It was a slim figure, obviously a very slight girl, with white robes that were fringed in gold. Underneath the shadows of her hood, I could see a white light, and my eyes shot open immediately._

_Kurama was there, and he looked at me lovingly. It didn't feel right though...I wasn't feeling the same way I usually did when he visited my dreams. "I'm sorry I can't tell you where I am," he said, gazing into my eyes. "At least you went and saw Yuki." His strong arm was wrapped firmly around my waist, and I didn't want to let go of his neck, which I had thrown my arms around._

_"I left Jakiri behind," I confessed, as if he would care that I had abandoned the one who tried to tear us apart. "Yuki was eager to get on with it, and it didn't occur to me, and-" Kurama gently pressed a finger to my lips. Silenced, I leaned into him, breathing in his scent, the one thing that I had still been able to remember._

_"It's not your fault," he said, stroking my hair. "It's better if you make this journey alone for the time being. You have to let your own feelings, your own instincts guide you, and not those of others." I knew who he meant when he referred to "others". There were no other possibilities, after all. I had known all along that a time would come when Jakiri's help would become a burden, hindering my own growth, especially after our stay at Kurama's mansion._

_"I always knew it would come to this," I said softly, running a hand through a thick lock of his silver hair. "Can you at least tell me where to start?"_

_"Meio Private Academy," he said, smiling at me and letting go. _

_Once Kurama let go of me, I felt everything cave in. Darkness surrounded me and crowded out my being, until it was so black that I couldn't see my own two hands in front of my face. There was nothing left to do now except curl up into a ball and cry until my death came, such a welcome thing for one so grim. Nothing else could save me from the nightmare that I saw ahead, the light that shone in various hues that were so complex that I couldn't name a single one. Slowly, I looked around, saw what was there, and screamed..._

More suddenly than ever before, I woke up to find that it was morning. Taking the uniform given to me by the school out of my pack, I put it on. Really, it wasn't that bad, but I wished the skirt could have been a little longer. It only came down to midthigh on me. My inky black hair was perfectly tamed, and I was ready to start the search. Meio Private Academy was the school that I had signed up for, and I realized that, from the information packet that the teacher had given me, I was late.

Quickly, I hurried into the building and found my classroom. They were doing some sort of problem in there, using long strands of numbers and letters that I couldn't understand. Every letter and number seemed to mean something, but I knew that everyone else would know exactly what each meant, while I knew nothing. It was the one of the more uncomfortable situations I had been in in a long time.

Walking into the classroom, I spotted the redheaded boy from yesterday. He smiled at me in welcome when my eyes drifted toward his area, but I quickly turned away, blushing slightly. "Class, this is Katie Arroya," the teacher said. "She's our new transfer student from America."

"Hi," I said, waving at the whole class. A few whistles came from the back of the room as I went to take my seat. Of course, I was seated next to _him_. He always made me feel nervous, and he had the silent compassion that Kurama had had for me.

"Shuiichi?" the teacher called.

"Yes, sir?" the redhead replied. So Shuiichi was his name, was it now? At least I could call him by name if we met in the hall, which was more than I could say for the rest of the class.

"You'll be showing Katie around the school." Shuiichi nodded and waved at me demurely. Even sitting down, he looked quite tall, six feet or even more. Kurama was still taller, and even more handsome than this pretty-boy.

After class, I picked up the books that the principal had given me and walked out the door, only to be followed by Shuiichi. "We have biology, math, and history together," he remarked, glancing at my schedule. Next is bio. If you'll follow me..." His voice was very smooth and quiet, the voice of a gentleman. Shrugging dismissively, I followed him down the hall, hoping that we wouldn't have to spend every day together like this. It made me feel as if I was cheating on Kurama.

That brought back so many good memories, especially of the night when we found each other in the hallway. It wasn't like we did anything really serious, but it had been so free, so...intimate. Before then, I had never experienced anything so satisfying, and I had never known my own lusts before then either. They were my downfall, and now I was searching desperately for Kurama. This was a huge school; he could be anywhere.

"Katie?" That subtle voice awakened me from my temporary daydreaming. "Are you...all right?" Realizing that I had been on the verge of tears, I slapped a hand over my mouth and blushed. _Shoot,_ I thought. _I have to watch what I do now. It's not just me and Jakiri anymore. _Pretending to brush a loose strand of hair out of my face, I wiped away a tear that had almost fallen for my lost lover. "Look, if there's something you need to talk about, then we can go outside for a couple minutes." Glaring at him, I wanted to make him feel like the dumbest person on earth. Why would I want to talk to him when it was Kurama, or even Jakiri or Yuki who I needed? What was the point in talking to him when all he did was remind me of Kurama and how I couldn't have both? I couldn't move on, not after all the times he had held me in my dreams. I wanted it to be like that again, where we would both feel happy and safe.

Turning on my heel, I ran outside and swung myself up into the high branches of a tree that stood about fifteen feet tall. The branch supported my weight easy enough, and I leaned against the trunk, resting my chin between my knees, which were drawn up to my chest. Once more I wanted to disappear, to stop this feeling of desolation and return to the life that I had only begun to want.

Down below, Shuiichi had already caught up with me, a concerned look on his face. Incredibly agile for a ningen, he started to climb deftly up the tree, reaching a hand out toward the branch I was sitting on. When it shook, I was startled, and lost my balance. Falling down, I rolled and got up, running away until I knew there was no more Shuiichi to bother me. No, he couldn't make it all right! I had to make it on my own just this once, without breaking down or acting like a scared little girl! Wasn't that what I had just done, though? He wanted to help, but I had run away, frightened by his presence that seemed to stir up my feelings for Kurama.

"I can't be around him," I decided. "All he does is remind me of what I lost, what I had before..." With a heavy sigh, I sat down and hoped for the best. It hadn't taken long before I was in a forest on the outskirts of the city. Here was a cliff that overlooked a lake, so pure and shining and beautiful. My skirt fluttered slightly in the breeze, and I wished I had my old ningen clothes on, rather than these things that made me think of Shuiichi. At first sight I had been attracted, but at second sight, I had remembered my fidelity to Kurama. I couldn't cheat on Kurama even if I wanted to, after all he had done to show me the path to happiness.

"So you still want him to come back, do you?" said a voice from behind me. Frowning, I recognized that voice. It was the woman from my dream. She wore a black dress that swept around her ankles underneath a golden hooded cloak.

"Who are you?" I asked, trying in vain to see beyond the shadows that her hood cast. It was nigh on impossible to see anything aside from her full, crimson lips as she talked.

"I am a wanderer of sorts," she replied. "I visit those who come to the Plane of Luminescence. After all, few can find their way there so naturally. Usually it takes the death of a loved one in the least."

"Youko Kurama was my love," I replied. "In my dreams, or in your Plane, I was told that he had been resurrected. However, I can't find him."

"And he has been," the woman said. "You've been closer to him than you think."

"What do you mean?" I demanded. "Who is he hiding as?"

"That I can't tell you," she said. "He'll reveal himself in time. Or maybe you were trivial enough that he forgot. Sadly, it happens so often, I wouldn't be surprised." I stood up and stared at her angrily, wishing that she could have given me something more useful. "Farewell," she flourished, dissipating into thin air until I thrust a fist at the air.

She couldn't be right. It just couldn't be. How could he forget me after all of our nights together in those dreams. Taking off my shoes, I felt the grass brush gently against my bare feet. It sent a warm sensation up my spine, but I couldn't shake the thought that she was right. I didn't want her to be, but it was the only truth I had now, and she had been my only real companion since I met her in the dream. She wasn't conjured up by my mind, but she was real, an actual being. Somehow, though, I had a feeling that I didn't want to know what was behind that mask of shadows that she always wore.

Tired with the day, I lay down and gazed at the sky for a while. Now even the clouds seemed to form small foxes that danced amusingly across the sky, taunting me. Kurama was here, but I couldn't find. Apparently, I'd just have to look harder...

**Author's Note-Yeah, I'm getting very used to writing these. I know it's been very slow, but it'll pick up soon enough. I just didn't want it to seem too sudden. Hope that all my loyal fans enjoy this chapter and I can't wait to see what all of you have to say about chapter 7!**

**Miari**


	8. The Best I Ever Had

The next morning came all to quickly. I awakened with a horrid drowsy feeling, and I knew my dreams had been restless. They had involved the hooded figure. Though she appeared to me in different clothes every time, never did she reveal her face. Was it so repulsive that she didn't want to show anyone, or did she really have something to hide. Unfortunately, I still had information to find, and that would mean being in the same place as Shuiichi...again.

There wasn't much that was wrong with Shuiichi. He was very attractive, with a winning smile and a mystery about him that made every part more appealing. When he talked, it was in that smooth, low voice, but I knew that not everyone heard that considerate voice. He liked me too, but this was just a false pretense of me. The real me had been left behind in Makai; she had died with the one who had loved her most dearly. Now there was just her shell...me.

Looking around, I didn't see anyone, and wondered why I was alone. Nobody ever bothered me. Stranded out in this forest, I had very little idea how to get back to the city. The grey before dawn was slowly seeping out of the sky, and I knew that I only had about an hour. This place was so welcome, and I wanted to stay here, but that wasn't an option. No, I couldn't whittle my precious life away like I had in Hell's Grove. When I had returned there, it was only to run away some more. I would never be ready to face my problems, like Kurama and Jakiri. Forever I would be the weak, dependent fool.

When I came to the edge of the trees, I touched a hand to one, closing my eyes. Images floated through, some interesting, some very ordinary. Then there was a couple running off through the forest a little bit to the left. This scene played through till the end, showing me the path that would lead out of the forest. I couldn't afford to blow my cover by being late again. Even better, I would have to explain to Shuiichi why I had run away from him yesterday. Really, that was the part I was looking forward to the least.

Once I was out of the woods it didn't take long to find my way back to Meio. Everybody was rushing inside, and I found my way to history class alone, taking a seat in the back of the class, far from where Shuiichi seemed to like to sit. He would be all the way at the front, and it would appear to him that I was sick. He entered with a chorus of giggling girls and took his usual place, dropping his book bag right next to his seat. My cheeks flushed red at the embarassment I felt for running away like that. It had been so easy to lose him, it had almost seemed staged.

However, I wasn't getting away that easily. Shuiichi shot me a look that said we needed to talk and a few of the other girls started to whisper in amusing jealousy. They looked at me next, but I just averted my eyes and listened to the teacher for the rest of the period. Every second dragged like it was its own eternity, and I felt so guilty that it hurt to even look at Shuiichi's back. Every time I did, a sinking feeling took my stomach.

The bell rang, to my relief, and the rest of my classes were almost Shuiichi-free. Not only did he remind me of Kurama, but I found myself looking when I knew he wasn't. It was such a dirty thing to do, to cheat on Kurama when he probably would never know where I was, since I was too self-absorbed to help him. Shuiichi and I would live out our happy lives with many redheaded children, and I would settle inconspicuously into Ningenkai without ever finding the lover I had mourned such a short time ago. It was all so pitiful.

That wasn't the way I wanted it to end, though. I wanted to be close to Kurama when I died, to have him hold me while I drew my last breath. Then my life would have been complete, a long and full one, and I would have no regrets. However, fate would most likely have something very different to say. It always did.

After school, Shuiichi caught me near that tree. He looked at me as if we had had some sort of awkward moment. Oh, that's right, I had run away from him like the selfish brat I was. He just wanted to help, even though he would have liked to become romantically involved, but he didn't want to take me away with him...he just wanted to talk. "Hi Shuiichi," I said, smiling. I knew it looked so pathetic and fake. "Did you need something?"

"I just wanted to apologize," he said, holding out a hand. "If you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to."

"Thank you," I replied, giving him a truly genuine smile. "It was just that you remind me of someone I used to be very close to. He's somewhere out there, but I'm still searching."

"I hope you find him," he said, and walked away to let me have a little time to myself.

The walk away carried me to a very dark place, where there weren't many people. The only light filtered in through cracks in the old, rotting wooden walls. It wasn't a place where I would normally go. It made me remember that dome I had formed around myself, where there had been almost pure darkness. "It's a little early," the woman at the counter said. "Usually no one comes in 'till at least five. Guess misery can't wait that long, though, huh?" Seeing how I had a very upset, defeated look on my face, she ushered me over to a table and brought over two glasses with a strange liquor in them.

"So, hon, what's your problem?" she asked, setting down the drinks and sitting down herself. "You look like you've been through a heartbreak or two...too bad, since you're so young."

"Yeah," I said half-heartedly. "I thought he died, but then found out that somehow...somehow he survived. I was so gulty. There was no other way for me to know if he hadn't told me. I wanted to find him so badly, but I never knew it would be this hard." I let out a very heavy sigh and took a sip. The liquor was strong, but it was appropriate for this sort of occasion, especially in this sort of place.

"You can't do anything but keep on searching," the woman said, grasping one of my hands. Looking up her arm, I could see several tattoos, and then I hit her eyes.

Those eyes were so empty, as if she'd gone through too much pain to care about the world anymore. Yet she hadn't...she wanted to listen to my problems without hesitation. This was one of the advantages to being in Ningenkai; the people were a lot more open, and I liked being able to know what they thought of me without having to read expressions every second. "Never give up, hon," she said, and I knew she meant it. "I made too many mistakes in the past, and now I can at least help other people solve other problems." She looked at me as if I was another subject, but one that was very special to her.

"Thanks," I said softly. "I won't, trust me."

She left my table, but I still decided to stay here. Nobody from the school I was attending seemed to come by this part of town, and I liked the bartender for talking sense into me. Before, I had given up when things weren't easy enough, but Kurama had planted a desire in my heart that was insatiable. If I never knew him, I would never have learned how to actually go after things.

Suddenly, I heard the radio get louder; it must have been a song that the bartender liked, because she blasted it, despite the fact that it was a slow song...

_So you sailed away,_

_Into a gray sky morning._

It reminded me of Kurama. He had just left me without warning, and then he was gone. There was no time for goodbyes...I had only been left with his cold, dead body.

_Now I'm here to stay,_

_Love can be so boring._

Wasn't that the truth. I was in love, but there was no physical contact for the moment. We couldn't touch each other like we should have been doing. My ears were so unfortunately closed to his words of endearment. There was nothing for me to do here except search for him, waiting for the day when his false identity would finally melt away, and I would be left with my beloved.

_And nothing's quite the same now..._

_I just say your name now..._

"Kurama," I whispered. "Kurama..." One more time for good measure never hurt anyone. The simple acoustic melody drifted easily through my ears as the singers rough voice melted my heart, reminding me of the one who had captured my heart.

_But it's not so bad,_

_You're only the best I ever had..._

As this part played on, I closed my eyes and remembered the times when he would kiss me so tenderly, whether it was in my dreams, or in his mansion. Either way, he loved me so much that it spilled over whenever he touched me, and he acted as if I was a very fragile, delicate creature...

_You don't want me back,_

_You're just the best I ever had..._

Kurama probably wouldn't want me back in the end. I had been such a coward, and it was taking so long for me to figure out who it was. After all that time had passed, both of us would have become old and grey in our ningen forms...

_So you stole my world,_

_Now I'm just a phony._

_Remembering a girl..._

_Leaves me down and lonely._

He had stolen my world, and I was nothing without that ever-endearing love. Whenever I thought about the girl I once was, it brought to my mind thoughts that some would call depressing. Every single time, it brought about images of his dead body, and the guilt that still lingered in my heart.

_Well send it in a letter..._

_Make yourself feel better._

Who was there for me to send a letter to anyway? I was alone in this world; I had even left Jakiri. Confessing my confusion to the bartender had made me feel a little better, but otherwise...

_But it's not so bad,_

_You're only the best I ever had. _

_You don't want me back,_

_You're just the best I ever had..._

The guitar kept on going on its own for a little while, and I cried a little. Kurama had died without me being there to see him, and now I was lost in this whirlwind of emotions. First I was angry at myself, then feeling sorry for myself, then acting happy for the sake of acting happy.

_And it might take some time_

_To patch me up inside, _

_But I can't take it so I..._

_I run away and hide._

_But in the end I'll find_

_You were always right,_

_You were always right..._

_But it's not so bad._

_You're only the best I ever had._

_You don't want me back,_

_You're just the best I ever had._

_You're just the best I ever had..._

When the song finally finished, I cried my eyes out, and the bartender came over to wrap her arm around my shoulders. "It's alright, hon," she said, her lips curving upward in a slight smile. Sadness had spread into me, but I still felt a warmth coming from her. "My name's Tina...I'll always be here if you need to chat, okay?" Nodding, I looked down at the chipped table and drank the rest of the drink in one shot. It burned my throat, but it distracted me from the tears burning in my eyes.

The radio had been turned down immediately when the song ended, so that I couldn't hear it anymore, but it sounded like the station had been changed. Standing up, I left and walked down the street. The school should be empty by now, so there was nothing to worry about. I went there and climbed up onto the roof, letting my hair down from its ponytail and feeling the breezes ruffle through it. Finally free, it was very thick, and brought out the sapphire shade of my eyes.

Before I could run, I heard a sound on the roof. "What do you want?" I demanded, and turned to face Shuiichi. "Why come all the way up here?"

"It's not _that_ difficult," he said, looking at my eyes. Though he was trying to be a gentleman, I could see that he wanted me.

"Well, I thought this place would be a little more _private_," I said, and glared at him scathingly. I turned around, trying to hide the remnants of tears from this afternoon.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk?" he asked, offering me his hand. That was growing to be a tiresome gesture.

"Already tried it," I said. "It didn't work. You're not him, anyway." When I tried to leave, he stepped in front of me, quite agile for such a bookworm.

"Just hear me out," he said, as if that was an order, not a request.

"I'm listening," I replied irritable, tapping one toe on the roof.

"You can't run away from everything, Katie. Please...just let me help you."

With a low growl of irritation, I leaped off the roof and ran away, thinking that he wouldn't know I could make such a jump. When I was almost out of eyeshot, I looked back to see him turn away in dismay and walk into the horizon. Swifter than I had ever thought I could be, I ran to that forest again, and stood on the cliff that overlooked the lake. It was gorgeous, that was the only thing that words could tell of it. One had to see the crystalline surface, so pure. They had to breathe in the clean air hinted with the lovely scent of the forest.

I smiled and took off my clothes, leaping into the water with a giant swan dive. It was so cold, and I didn't think it would even be possible, what with the warm weather. Frozen in it, I dove under, and that was when everything began to swirl and form into images that weren't entirely unfamiliar to me...

**A/N: Surprise! A cliffie, for all you fans who are always dying for the next chapter. Thanks to 4-is-lovely and Sonya-White-Angel, who have been with me since I started this story pretty much. I can't wait to get going on chapter 9, but school may be intervening a little, thus allowing me to only type on weekends or really late at night. Hopefully, I can finish this out, but I still have quite a bit left before the end...**

**Hope you enjoyed this chappie!**

**Miari**

**P.S.-The song used for the songfic portion of this chapter was not written by me. It's Gary Allan's song called "Best I Ever Had" and it's dedicated to his wife, who committed suicide a little less than a year ago. It just seemed to fit so well, even though Kurama's death did not involve suicide.**


	9. The Truth

Freezing in the deathly cold water, I hovered on the surface for a little while, waiting for my body to become numb. Why did it have to take so long before I could go under? The water looked crystal clear and very soothing, once I got past the part of its temperature. Knowing that it really wasn't going to get much warmer, I dove under, and images started to swirl...

I was in an open field, with soft green grass below me and a boundless blue sky above me. In the distance to my left there lay several patches of longer grass. To my right was a very gorgeous cathedral, with a long steeple that rose, large and black, into the heights of the sky. However, it was missing one thing...Kurama. This place was so much like the world of my dreams, but this place did not feature Kurama. "I miss you," I said aloud, hoping no one could hear me. "I miss you with everything I have!" Looking up to the sky, I almost expected some sort of response, some sign that said he was listening from a place far beyond where I was.

Instead, there was a rustling behind me- the sound of footsteps on the soft cushion of the springy grass. "Days pass and hope fades," a familiar voice said. "Night slowly becomes day, which slowly turns into absolute darkness. And yet you search." Everything went silent. I didn't breathe, since I didn't know the source of this voice. To do so would prevent a threat as it was.

"Who are you?" I asked, my eyes wide with terror. "Why are you here?"

"I am the messenger," it replied. "You know me, you harbor a part of me in you."

"What kind of part?" I snarled, turning around to see that no one was there either.

"All of the darkness that you have ever felt. I am the part that you left behind, the part that you abandoned when he died. After I melted away, I took shape, and you still know me. You're not Kaiina anymore...don't even try to fool yourself like that. You're Katie, the weakling, the one who can't get over the loss of her beloved." I shifted my eyes to the side and caught sight of a winged figure with black feathers flying all around her. Dark features shimmered as she placed a hand on her slight hip. Smirking, I stood up, ready to confront this part of me.

"So is it you who provided all those distractions...all those things that stopped me from loving him?" I asked, looking into those eyes that burned lividly like two hot coals.

She had a look of triumph on her face as she confronted me, and I took on a fighting stance, hardly rusty at all even after all those years. My saber hung at my hip now as I changed back to the demoness that I was before fleeing to Makai. Every part of me was disheveled and wild now, but I paid that detail no heed. Grabbing a long black string, I tied my hair pack into a loose ponytail, watching as she let me prepare. It was unnerving to see her standing there as if it didn't matter how long I took. After all, it must have looked like I was stalling my inevitable death.

Finally, I was ready, and she charged, using her massive dark brown wings to propel her forward. Dodging to the left, I swiped at her and caught the wing that was flying by me. Obviously, no blood spurted forth, but the messenger seemed to stumble, falling onto one knee. When her wings folded in, they disappeared, and she was free to fight me. Remembering Kurama, and all that she had done to distract me from him, I smirked and charged forward. She smiled playfully and jumped up in the air, claws coming out from her fingers, spreading until they were almost a foot long. Black liquid dripped from them, and I laughed,realizing that she knew my fighting style by heart...it was mine, after all.

"What do you want from me?" I asked, pausing to take a few quick breaths before charging again, zig-zagging back and forth this time.

"If you're defeated," she said, panting as she blocked my series of blows with the saber, "I'll be able to get into Ningenkai, and take it for my own. Yes, there will be nothing to stop me. Your fox won't even know I'm there until it's too late...and you'll be trapped in this realm for eternity." Laughing wickedly, she thrust her claws forward, and I felt them sink into my sword arm, slowly rendering it limp and numb...virtually useless.

"That just means I can't let you win," I said, keeping that blatantly ridiculous smirk on my face. "Kurama's mine, and I've looked too long to just give up on him." Then I dashed forward.

It was a matter of seconds before she was impaled on my merciless sword, and I knew she was dead. I didn't even need to check it and see if she had a pulse. "You lose," I said, drawing the blade out of her stomach. "You can't have my body." Smiling viciously, I looked at that dead body. Spread out there, I hadn't realized how much she looked like me. Her face wasn't as round as mine, but her features were the same color and she had moved with the same litheness. Somehow, I had been able to distract her for that split second, which was just enough for me to come in for the kill.

Now silence was back once more. It haunted me, amplified the loneliness of this vast, empty space. Still, there was no Kurama, but I felt so at peace. Slowly, ever so slowly, a song crossed my lips. It was one I had heard Jakiri sing so long ago...

_The shattered glass on the floor_

_Can never be restored._

_All that now is broken_

_Will ever be no more._

_Yet light will shine through cloudy days,_

_Illuminate the dark._

_It chases dreary shadows away_

_And drives out the twilight stark._

_You'll never be the same,_

_But here I'll be,_

_Calling out your name_

_Until you return to me._

_My emotions fly like birds_

_With wings that are meant for speed._

_My thoughts remain unheard_

_Taking wing without heed._

Honestly, I couldn't remember the rest, but it had been just as beautiful. The emotions that that song carried for me were far beyond what I had shared with Jakiri in our friendship. My love for Kurama shone through the darkness and mystery that shrouded his current form, hiding it deftly from my hungry eyes. Moving on, I decided to head toward the cathedral.

When I got there, it was extremely beautiful. Ebon doors were carved with vines that climbed up to the arch. Roses were dispersed in various places, and they were marked with intricate patterns of rubies. No one could have duplicated that pattern if their lives depended on it. Pressing my hand against one of the doors, I heard it creak open and walked through the slender space. Once again, I was in my human form, being quite used to it after these past few days.

Inside the building was even more spectacular than outside. Behind the altar hung a cross. Wrapped loosely around the cross were vines with roses on them, identical to those carved into the doors. Each one was a rich shade of crimson, and the petals slowly fell to the ground, leaving a soft carpet for me to tread upon. Strangely enough, none of the flowers lost their fullness no matter how many of their petals fell. For a moment, I thought of Kurama. He had always smelled like roses mingled with other scents from the wild. Sometimes, however, his thorns numbered more than his petals.

"So, you still want to find him, do you?" a familiar voice said. It sounded like my dark side's voice, but it wasn't tainted with hostility--yet.

"Of course I do," I said. "It's very lonely, but you wouldn't know, now would you?"

"Oh," the voice said, and I heard her clasp a hand to her mouth. "You must have met Oretheia. She has been here a while, but never before has she attacked anyone like that."

"You're not her?" I asked, turning around to face that hooded figure solemnly. As proof, she took down her hood. My first reaction was her beauty.

Pure blonde hair spilled down her back and into the robes that she wore, shining like the sun it resembled. Her eyes were the deep blue of the ocean at twilight, and there seemed to be the same tumult within them as within the ocean. However, they were free from the darkness that had possessed Oretheia's eyes. "My name is Lirra," she said, pulling her hair out and letting it fall down to her lower back. Two thick locks fell a short way past her shoulders, resting on her arms. The white robes only made her seem like some sort of goddess as she stood there in all her regality.

Lirra. It was a pretty name to fit a pretty face, but I still felt as though I had to be on guard. Staring directly at me, her blue eyes were a challenge, her beauty was an awe-inspiring distraction. However, she kept her robes wrapped tightly around her as she stepped forward once, twice, three times. That face's expression still didn't change, and I felt as if it were my time to die, the way her face was stuck in such a solemn expression. "What did you want from me?" I asked, a little fear

"Nothing," she replied softly. "I took pity on you. Two demons, feeling mutual love...it must be very strong to affect you so. Usually it wouldn't even be possible, but you, at least, are different. In case you haven't noticed, you're not exactly a full demon."

Anger rose up within me, and I clenched my fists, trying to hold back from attacking Lirra. "What the hell do you mean?" I demanded, restraining my fury by a thread. "I belong to one of the longest lines of demonic aristocracy!"

"You're not a demon. Everything about you, your thoughts and emotions, they're not those of a demon." She looked into my eyes directly and mine shot open as wide as they would go. Though I tried, I couldn't close my eyes. "You're an elemental spirit in essence, but you are still part demon. Fehreil, your father, was a wolf demon, but your mother, Rhia, was the spirit of Hell's Grove in solid form. Honestly, you weren't supposed to be born. Rhia was told to kill the child because Fehreil didn't want a 'filthy half-breed' in his bloodline."

"It's all a lie," I screamed, infuriated that she could deny my bloodline. "I lived in my father's palace for the first years of my life! He could have just exiled me." Lirra smiled at my apparent ignorance and shook her head, blonde hair swaying from side to side.

"Fehreil _was_ going to exile you, at first. However, Rhia disguised your appearance, making you look more like your father, but giving you most of your mother's powers. Upon seeing that he would have a powerful daughter, Fehreil thought he could bring you up his way and make you into a ruler fit to inherit his place. When you fled to Hell's Grove, though, you and Jakiri developed without all the training your father wanted you to undergo. Thus, the side of you that is more like your mother came out."

Staring up at the cross, I saw the petals falling down from nothingness. When I looked up at where the ceiling would have been, there was just eternal darkness. Lirra picked up one of the rose petals off the floor, and it turned into a flower in full bloom. "Your mother had the ability to enter the Plane of Luminescence, too," she said gently. "I see now why you didn't enter this place before. Your mother's blood needed to be awakened, so that you could learn her abilities. You're on a level with your servant, and, as you know, she's not a demon. In truth, Jakiri is a dragon from Reikai, from the deepest caves of that world. Even King Yama doesn't know about them."

"I've always known where Jakiri came from, but I always thought I was a pure wolf demon! My mother's name wasn't Rhia! I'm a pure-blood, and I know that for sure!" I lunged forward at Lirra, grabbing her by the neck.

"So," she said, "you are willing to listen to me, but only when I say what you want to hear, is that right?"

"No!" I screamed. "It's all a lie! You're just lying to me...!" Clutching my head, I sank to my knees, screaming in agony. I was a demon, a pure-blood wolf demon! Some stranger couldn't just come up and tell me that everything I'd known all my life had been a lie!

"If you deny it, you'll never be able to tap your full power," she said, backing away at my anger. My face was in the floor, my back arced, and I looked at my hands. Tanned, smooth, flawless, they had been the hands of a demon so long. Now I looked at myself differently. Petals fell on my back, mingled with my hair. They smelled so sweetly like Kurama's scent, that which I had taken in when everything was still simple, and I still knew that I was what I thought I was. More and more petals fell on top of me, and Lirra tipped up my chin, gazing into my eyes.

"Listen to me," she said. "Hear me out." I nodded and waited, petals falling off of my neck as tears ran silently down my face. "You are more earth apparition than you are earth demon, but you are still part wolf demon. I'm not saying that you're not a demon, you're just more like a half-blood. Remember that there are even more abilities that you will be able to unlock due to the blood of your mother. In truth, you really are stronger than Jakiri, and she knows you always will be." Sighing, I calmed myself and stood up, feeling all the petals fall off of my back. Lirra smiled at me and took my hand. "Now," she said, "do you want to see him?"

"Yes," I said. "I've wanted to see him for so long."

"Then follow me," Lirra replied, and led me outside the cathedral.

Slowly, we walked out toward the long grasses. When I stepped inside the patch she directed me to, I felt it brush against my head, and the colors of the whole place swirled. My head spun, and I started to feel dizzy. A flash of green streaked across my vision, and I gazed helplessly at the spinning images until they finally stopped.

I was in a bedroom made entirely of dark colors. Deep blue sheets were on the bed, with silver bedposts. An ebony nightstand was next to there, with a single crimson rose sitting in a vase on the table. Obviously, it must have been Kurama's bedroom. Suddenly, I heard footsteps, and tried to find a place to hide...to no avail. He came in, his toga-like robes wrapped loosely around him. His silver hair flowed freely over his shoulders, making him seem so glorified. "I haven't seen you in so long," I said, running over to greet him. I was swept up in his strong arms, and felt his hands run down my back, soothing my fears.

For now it didn't matter what the real truth was. I just knew that Kurama was here, and I would be able to find him soon. He had to be here. There was no other way for me to keep on going without him. "Where have you been?" I asked. "Please, what does the vessel look like?"

"He will be the one who rescues you from the lake," he said simply, kissing my neck just below the cheekbone. "You've been away a while too. Here, it's such an eternity, but he can't discover me yet. Though he knows that he is me, I'm still locked away here for a while."

"No matter what form you're in," I said, "I just need to see you in reality once, to feel you close to me. I don't want to believe what LIrra told me."

Kurama looked at me gently. "You have to," he said, and drew me closer until we were kissing passionately. I was pressed up against him, taking deep breaths whenever he needed air too. My hands wrapped around his neck and I shook. If only it weren't a dream. If only this were the reality that I wanted so badly.

"Now I know that you'll find him," Kurama said. "Amazingly, you still haven't lost access to this place, and I hope you won't...ever."

"I hope so too," I replied, and smiled up at him lovingly. It was possible for me to love, but it was in a less savage way than he loved me. I really was the daughter of Rhia and Fehreil. They had borne me, and whether I was a mistake or not, I was what I was. That was when I slowly slipped out of that Plane, back to reality.

I was lying on my back, and I could feel a few rose petals still tangled in my hair. An orange jacket that was too big for me covered up what needed to be hidden, and there was the smell of some sort of food. "Kurama?" I called, remembering the words of Youko Kurama, my lover. When I sat up, I gaped at my own stupidity. How could I not have known?

**

* * *

**

**Hey! Cliffhanger! Alrighty, you probably know what's going to happen, but this took a while to finish. I had this chapter on a floppy disk but then that disk wasn't working, so I had to retype the whole thing! Argh ! Anywho, I really must apologize. My frustration coupled with the start of my freshman year really slowed down this update, which was supposed to be out around the 23rd. Also, I will probably only get to update about once a week, since I have papers and such to type up also. For now, I bid you adieu, hoping that I am able to update soon!**

**Ciao!**

**Miari**


	10. Utopia

It was Shuiichi, from school. He looked concerned, but I was entirely baffled. "You're not," I said, my jaw gaping wide. Feeling very vulnerable, I didn't want to try anything too drastic. That jacket was all I had on.

"I'm not what?" he asked, looking over at me.

"You're not him," I said, my eyes still open wide.

"Who are you talking about?"

"Kurama," I said, and watched as his mouth twitched. He had been about to speak, but had checked his tongue. So he was...but how? "You...you don't look anything like him."

"It sounds like you're talking about an entirely different person," he said, and set a plate of food out before me. A campfire was there, and it was nighttime. Everything on that plate smelled delicious, and I ate every bit of it. Even if it had been mud, I would have been hungry enough to eat it.

"What were you doing in that lake?" he asked. "It seemed like such a long time before you came up. I gasped and glared at him. So he had been watching me when I dived off the cliff naked, had he? The thought made me consider what he had done before covering me up.

"I was going swimming," I said sharply. "And for your information, I thought I was alone." Shuiichi turned a pale shade of red and started eating his meal.

"You were just lying prostrate on the shore," he said. "It's a lake...it's not as though you could have just drifted there on your own." I took a moment to think about that. Maybe Lirra had just given me a ride out of the water...where anyone could have seen me and done many other things.

How could Shuiichi be Kurama? He was too kind, without that certain savagery, but it seemed to fit too. The first day I saw him, I remembered him smelling of roses. Was that what the cathedral in the Plane had symbolized? Had Lirra been trying to tell me that he was the one all along? "Someone told me that the one who rescued me from the lake would be Kurama's vessel. I've been looking for him for so long." A few tears fell and I huddled up, trying to make myself feel safer.

Suddenly, I felt a hand brush aside the tears on my cheek, and I looked up to see Shuiichi with his hand cupping my cheek. Though I still didn't believe that he was Kurama, I let him touch me. It felt so much more concrete, and so much fuller than his touch had felt in my dreams. "Who knows," he said. "Maybe it was just a false, pseudoprophetic dream."

"You want me to move on so that you can have me," I said roughly while he embraced me.

"Maybe you won't have to move on," he said, and brushed back my inky black hair.

Though it wasn't like my fantasy of the time when we would be reunited, it still felt right. I didn't look like my old self, but this seemed to fit so perfectly. Slowly, I let the disguise melt away, and he saw my original form in my original outfit. Smiling, Shuiichi looked me up and down, stopping on my face. "It doesn't matter what you look like," he said softly, kissing me briefly on the lips. "You look beautiful either way." The compliment made me blush, and then I smiled demurely.

"Both of us changed," I said. "You used to be so different. If only I could have you as the original spirit fox, the one who used to be so forward."

"I can't change who I am," he replied, wrapping an arm around my waist, and I shifted back to my human form. Still wearing that ridiculous orange jacket, I felt a little awkward, but he just gave me a reassuring smile when I looked down at it.

"It fits you just right," he said. "You should keep it. As a gift."

"Thank you," I said, and wrapped my arms around his neck. I was pressed close to him, letting him feel every contour of my body, feel the passion that had been consuming me since we were separated. Always I had known that he would find a way back to me. He had loved me too much not to.

"You're welcome," Shuiichi replied, holding me in that delicate manner he seemed to have retained. Finally I was home, where I belonged. How could it have taken me so long to realize that it was him? When Shuiichi touched me, it was familiar, and his kiss was so delicate that I knew he must be the one. There was no mistaking it now.

Stars were in the sky, and I gazep up, remembering that there had been no visible stars in Hell's Grove. There had only been thickets and a broad, open sky. Taking in the whole scene, I gasped in awe and then smiled, thinking inwardly, _These were the sort of things we should have been able to do all along._ Now his passion had cooled down slightly, it felt so much slower, a much more comfortable pace. "I only hope that appearances cannot change hearts," I whispered to him as I found myself leaning into Shuiichi's chest. Honestly, I wasn't quite ready to call him Kurama just yet. I wouldn't be for a while.

"They only change shallow hearts," he replied, and I turned my head around to look at him. There were his eyes, such a captivating emerald green that I was spellbound.

I felt as though I were looking into very deep emerald pools, those that were unaffected by the hardships around this world. Now that I had found Kurama, my life was complete. Nobody could make me feel guilty abouut my own death anymore. I had seen him, felt his touch, even borrowed some of his clothes. The jacket came up just above midthigh as we stood up, my hands clasped in his. Standing on tiptoes, I leaned up and kissed him tenderly. Soon, he let my hands go and wrapped an arm around my waist, then another around my neck. Both of my arms were wrapped around his neck, and I could feel the cold sweat that ran down the back of his neck.

"You've always been so wild," Shuiichi said, letting me rest my chin on his shoulder. Hard, lean muscle caved slightly to the shape of my jaw, and one hand fell to his arm.

"Before, I thought that was the only life for me," I said. "Now I know the other path, and it's much more satisfying. I've met people like you and Tina, and I hope that I'll be able to find Jakiri soon. Everybody I ever loved is here, and I think I could end up living here."

"Would you let me take you in for a while?" he asked. "You don't seem to have much of a home."

"Of course," I replied, and then I understood what Lirra meant. I loved with rationality and passion. Demons would love with violent lust. Since coming out of the lake, I felt a little more of my power emerging.

Before I knew it, we were lying next to each other on the ground, and he hugged me close. That was when his hand crept over to the jacket, unzipping it so that I was bared to him, but little enough that the wind didn't nip at my skin. Laughing giddily, I settled in, and the rest was history...

Morning came all too quickly, and I found myself lying next to Kurama, pressed very close to him. His arm was wrapped around my waist, and I felt so peaceful there. Zipping up the jacket, I decided it would be best to wait until he woke up. For now, I looked at his face, which was so peaceful when he was asleep. Even though I couldn't see his eyes, it looked so innocent the way his bangs covered them with mysterious shadows. I brushed the hair aside and kissed his forehead, breathing in the scent of roses. Burying my head in his hair, I smiled and waited.

It was only a couple of hours before I felt him stirring beside me, and I was face-to-face with those pure green eyes. "I see you're awake," he said, and tightened his grip on me.

"Last night was beautiful," I said, and kissed him on the cheek. Blushing furiously, he kept on stroking my hair and kissing me briefly. "The night is beautiful as it is, but I loved last night. The stars were so bright...and we were able to be alone...without worrying about anyone bothering us." My eyes opening wide, I remembered that my uniform had been left on the cliff where my clothes still were, and I needed those for school.

"Well," he said, "would you like to come along and get some breakfast?" Hearing my starving stomach, I nodded in agreement, and he let me go off and find my uniform. Without looking, he also allowed me time to change into some suitable clothes. I still wore his jacket, though.

The place we ate breakfast at was a very small cafe. The tables were a clean, hard, synthetic-looking surface, as were the benches that were attached by metal arms. Picking one, we sat down and Shuiichi ordered for us both. Waiting on us was a rather buxom woman who looked like she had been through quite a few years. When she smiled, you could see that she was missing a tooth or two. Everything she did was done in a tired, haggard manner. For a moment I felt guilty for enjoying myself so much while she suffered, but then the food came out, and we started talking.

"So what have you been doing all of these years?" I asked. "The Kurama in my dreams told me that he needed roughly seventeen years to recuperate."

"When I couldn't find another way to return, I had to enter a human embryo before it truly acquired a soul," he replied, and smiled at my curious nature. Every time he had seen me, I had been hurrying to get away from him or worried about something else. Now, we had just slowed down, and I was so ready to admit my love. Shuiichi was attractive, even if he wasn't as handsome as his old form, but I could get used to this.

"Now," Shuiichi said, "I believe it's your turn to answer the question. Where have you been this whole time?"

"I was looking for you," I said softly, "but I know why you were hiding. For now, never mind. I want you to come with me and meet someone who was very instrumental." Quickly, I dragged him away and found myself at Tina's. Luckily, she was still there.

Looking up, she smiled to see me with a companion. "So, you found him, did 'ya hon?" she said, flashing a toothy grin.

"Mmhmmm," I replied, and sat next to Kurama on a bench. Tina was grinning at us both after seeing the blissful look on my face. The radio was playing again, but it wasn't a country song. It was something much different...

_The dawn is breaking,_

_A light shining through._

_You're barely waking,_

_And I'm tangled up in you._

_Yeah._

Slowly, I put my arms around his neck and leaned against him, feeling the toned muscle that lined his arm. It had taken so long to find him, and now it felt like my utopia to be in this dark little bar...

_I'm open, you're closed._

_Where I follow, you'll go._

_I worry I won't see your face_

_Light up again._

As usual, ever so true. If I ever knew that I'd never be able to see him smile at the way I looked, at the beauty I knew I had always possessed. It had just taken a little motivation to unlock it. Now, I could tell that he was captivated with me entirely.

_Even the best fall down sometimes,_

_Even the wrong words seem to rhyme,_

_Out of the doubt that fills my mind,_

_I somehow find_

_You and I collide._

We were so close, so intimate right then, and I heard the calm acoustic melodies, playing the delicate strings of my heart that I had come to know ever since Kurama died. They played a happy tune now that I was reunited with him.

_I'm quiet you know._

_You make a first impression._

_I've found I'm scared to know_

_I'm always on your mind._

_Even the best fall down sometimes,_

_Even the stars refuse to shine._

_Out of the doubt that fills your mind,_

_You finally find_

_You and I collide._

We kissed, and fire ran up my spine. For a split second, the world only encompassed the two of us, and there was no angry Jakiri to worry me or interrupt us. Nobody could use their disparaging remarks. And, through all his attempts at being a gentleman, I felt his arm around my middle, longing to feel the girl that had been lost to him for so long. Such euphoria flooded me that I just let the deluge carry me. I could see every part of him...his gorgeous green eyes, his brilliant red hair, his strong arms. All of it was visible as I tasted him, felt him, saw him in my mind's eye. For that entire minute, it was paradise.

There was no doubt in my mind at all anymore. It was obvious from the passion in his kiss that he was Kurama. He was the one I had been searching for all along. Now I didn't have to wonder if Shuiichi was playing a prank to satisfy his lusts, playing along so that he could have me. This wasn't Shuiichi; it was Kurama. This was the Kurama that I had waited so long to return to, and now I was home, in his arms, where I belonged. Nothing had ever felt so good before...

**Well, the end of another chapter. I figured there had to be some sort of fluffy chapter to illustrate how deeply they really felt for each other. Thanks to all my reviewers for staying with me. Hopefully, I'll be able to utilize my study halls well enough to finish this story before winter. I'll be going away for Labor Day weekend, but after that I'll be back in full swing. For now, Au Revoir!**

**Miari**


	11. All That's Left

The next few days, I was staying at Kurama's house, and we did enjoy that time together. There wasn't too much to do, but I felt so at peace that it didn't matter. We would sit in the back yard, lying on our backs and gazing up at the clouds while we talked. Or we would do something more simple, like sitting up in his room. When that was the scenario, there were so many different ways that it could end. I would simply flow and let him hold me tenderly, loving me as wholly as was possible.

We were on his couch, and his mother, Shiori, was out of the house. The TV was on, and I felt as though I was going to doze off any moment now. Leaning against Kurama, I was incredibly comfortable. Everything about him was so handsome, and I knew I was the luckiest person in Ningenkai. "It's nice to know that we can just be here and...love each other...without interruption."

"You are the only woman I've ever truly shared myself with," he said softly, whispering in my ear, and then he wrapped both arms around me and pulled us closer together.

I was at home in his arms, and he knew it. Closer we came...closer...until we met in a kiss. He stroked my hair, massaged my back, and stared at me longingly. When we broke apart, I gazed at him for a few moments before almost tackling him and forcing him into another kiss. I was on top of him, straddling his hips, and my hands were buried in his abundance of beautiful red hair. He was my Adonis, and it didn't matter if anyone else thought we didn't belong together.

That one continued for what seemed like hours, and I smiled down at him as he placed a hand on my lower back. Since moving in with him, I had acquired some new clothes. Today I was wearing a red halter top and a pair of dark blue jeans. My hair was up in a half-ponytail, and Kurama was dressed ever-so-stylishly, as usual. He held my gaze for so long when I became stupefied by that emerald gaze. Sometimes, it seemed too unreal to believe, that this gorgeous youth had chosen me, of all people.

However, he did have to go to school during the day, and I had told them I had to quit for...personal reasons. So, having this free time, I decided to roam around his neighborhood and get to know the people around here. Most of the houses had a very rough crowd but there was one that seemed decent.

It was very large, and very white. Everything about it was so simple, but it was pretty at the same time. The windows would have been so clean they were sparkling, but it didn't show against the pale white curtains. Somehow, I knew there was something behind those curtains. Upon closer inspection, I saw a slender figure of middling stature. From the extraneous lines, I could tell that she wore a small sundress that had a very ruffled bottom.

Since this was the only place I had even liked with all my wanderings of the block, I walked up and rapped on the door. Slowly, it creaked open to reveal a very familiar face. The rich golden hair flowed down her back freely, and I remembered those beautiful blue eyes. It was Jakiri! She was wearing a sundress that expanded and gained more ruffles farther down the skirt, billowing out at the very bottom. It fell just above her knees, and created a pleasant innocent look. The garment itself was white, with a design in dark blue. "Kaiina," she said, her jaw gaping. "You've...changed."

"It must be because I finally found him!" I exclaimed, and threw my arms around her neck happily. Nothing had changed between us, and we still had the bond of two close sisters.

"What did you do all this time?" I demanded, and she smiled.

"I've had company," she replied. "She's definitely quite interesting. I think she'll be in the parlor right now if you want to meet her." Shaking my head, I let Jakiri lead me into the main sitting room, where we each took a soft chair.

"It took so long," I said, smiling at my former servant. We just couldn't keep having such a distant relationship. "When I dove into that lake, on the outskirts of town, it showed me everything I needed to know, and I woke up with him next to me."

"So," Jakiri said, "did anything happen?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I said slyly. It was always fun to make her run in circles, searching for the answer.

Jakiri glared and then crossed her arms below her breasts, pouting for a short while. "Look," she said. "If anything like that happened, there could be a child, and what will a child from the two of you end up like?"

"What in hell is that supposed to mean?" I demanded, seething a little.

"You're hardly responsible enough to handle raising a child," Jakiri chided. "You're even more broken now than you were then. Don't even try and deny it."

"I could raise a child if there _was_ one!" I shouted. "You don't have the power to dictate whether I have a child or not anyway!" At that, Jakiri leaped up from her chair, and light blue energy glowed at her fingertips.

Before anything could be done, a voice came from the kitchen. "Jakiri, do you want any sugar with your-" A petite girl with pale blonde hair and misty blue eyes walked in on the makings of a fight. "What are you doing?" she demanded. "I thought you didn't know where she was!" I stared at her for a moment and then smiled.

"Hi," I said. "I'm Jakiri's old master...I know I was gone for a while, but now I'm back. I live down the street, with the Minaminos. Shuiichi's at school now, so I thought I'd wander around a little bit."

"I graduated from Meio high school last year," she replied. "Shuiichi was a junior. Still, he's so unusually smart. Why would you have any cause to like him?"

"I don't know," Jakiri said, "but for all we know, his seed's in her right now." She finished sullenly and shot me a glance that seemed to chill the whole room.

"So," I said, ignoring my servant's sullenness, "what's your name?" The girl raised an eyebrow at me and set down a tray she had been carrying.

"I'm Ithryl," she said. "I've never met you before, but I do believe that you're Kaiina, the one who behaved like a harlot. Some royalty you are! I heard about your little incident in the hall!" My eyes opened wide, and I imagined Youko Kurama trying to take me, but the new Kurama had been so soft when we had come together. They were different, but I was starting to see some improvements.

"I wasn't about to throw myself away that easily," I said, glaring at Ithryl. "You shouldn't point fingers with what you've gathered through secondhand information."

Ithryl was the most stubborn thing the earth had ever known, and I hated her. She glared at me as if I were some sort of criminal. Feeling entirely infuriated, I stormed out of the door, cursing under my breath, and broke into a run toward Kurama's house. Thankfully, Shiori wasn't home.

Free of that monster, I dashed upstairs and into his room. It was hinted with the scent of roses, just as he was. On the shelves were pictures of him and his mother, and a few of him with some friends. My anger morphed into sadness as I realized that I didn't have any friends to have pictures taken with. There was nobody left who supported me. Jakiri was mad at me for my behavior back at Kurama's mansion, and, of course, mad that I left her behind.

Tears ran down my face, and I buried my head in his pillow silently, feeling as if he were there, wrapped around me. It smelled like him, and I wrapped both arms around it. The poor pillow was squished together as far as it would go, and I lay there. Slowly, I went underneath the covers and made myself comfortable. Even though it was warm, I liked feeling as if Kurama was here with me. Surrounded by him, I felt more peaceful by far.

Images of Jakiri's pouting face and Ithryl's disparaging looks came back to me, and I dug my face deeper into the pillow, crying desperately. Wasn't there anything I could do to win back the friendship of the woman I had once been closest to? A feeling of hopelessness closed in. How could I live on like this? Was Kurama's love just a ploy that I used to run away from my own weakness?

Slowly, green energy sprouted around me, and I drifted off to a place that I had never been to before...

_The entire sky was black. Dark ground was below me, and there was very little vegetation for miles and miles. 'Where am I?' I wondered to myself, and a gust of wind blew by, kicking up plenty of dust. Darkness threatened to consume me, while I was alone and vulnerable. Beat. Beat. Beat...nothing. My heart was as it was when I was a demon once more. Smiling, I stood up and looked down. Naked, I was standing out in the middle of this vast desert. The desert sand was so hot to the touch. When I laid myself down, I felt vulnerable indeed. Jakiri walked by, but she was accompanied by someone besides me._

_There was Ithryl, dressed up in the garb of a forest warrior...the clothes I had once worn. The black slitted skirt seemed to fit her body, and the cutoff light brown top was enhanced by her pale blonde hair. Here there was no Kurama, no comfort to hope for. 'Please,' I thought. 'I don't want to live like this. I don't know what to do!' _

_Suddenly, Lirra appeared, dressed in a flowing white gown with sleeves that brushed against the sand. Even though I had last seen her in a grand cathedral, she seemed at home in the desert, too. "Remember the time when you jumped into the Pool of Luminescence," she said. "The cathedral...it holds all the reasons that you are sad. If you don't have the companionship of Jakiri, your life will end shortly enough. Watch out for Ithryl too. Though she is friends with Jakiri, she is not entirely trustworthy." Gazing at my new friend, I smiled, admiring the way that she could be so strong and levelheaded where I was confused and erratic. _

_"So what do I do?" I asked._

_"Enjoy what you have while you still have it," Lirra replied. "You never know when something could happen, and then you wake up alone, knowing that he's really gone. Try not to worry about your old life. He started over, so why can't you?"_

_"That was forced," I said, defending my own stubborness. "Kurama was reborn in a body where he was unable to fully emerge for several years. I've been here, looking for him for so long, and yet I let my whole life fall apart around me."_

_"And that was your own fault," Lirra replied, giving me a warning look that told me off so perfectly._

_No matter how I denied it, she was right. I had let my life crumble, and now I was left with nothing except for my love. It was the world where I didn't have to think about anything...just how to please him in new ways. It was so simple to do it that way instead of living in Lirra's world. Whenever I visited that place, it always ended up giving me some sort of cryptic hint at the future. Was this whole conversation another one, or was it just more nonsensical babble? Next to me, Lirra was stretching her snowy-white wings, letting the soft breeze ruffle the feathers. "I can't help you anymore," she announced sadly. "My master...he has given me a new assignment, and it does not involve you. Forgive me, but there is much work to do, and a lover who waits faithfully for you."_

_Slowly, I watched her fade away, her words lingering in the sterilized air, making it choke in my throat. Dust in the air brought tears to my eyes. Or was it something else that made me cry. Just as slowly as Lirra had faded away, I sank back into my own world, embracing the familiarity of it all..._

"Katie?" A hand was on my cheek, and I saw a vivid red see, so soft and beautiful. Stretching out my arms, I closed them around him, taking him down with me. Clumsily sliding my boots off, I felt a nervous sweat break out on my calves. Here I was, with him, and he wanted me to use him, to take full advantage of what he had to offer.

"Yes?" I whispered, and smiled loftily, closing my eyes and relaxing.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I was just...dreaming of you. You know, you're a wonderful lover, and an even better friend."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No, but if you know how to love me _and_ listen to my problems, then you're the best package deal I ever got."

"I try," he whispered into my ear, and kissed my neck, then my cheek, and then we met full on the lips.

Light had been sapped out of the sky, and now dusk was setting in. My fingers worked along his back, and I unbuttoned the first couple buttons on his shirt. "Sometimes you can't find a better escape," I said.

"It's alright," Kurama replied, stroking my hair affectionately. "I understand." Kissing me briefly, he pressed us close together. Instinctively, my stomach drew in, but when he ran a hand through my hair, I relaxed entirely. Seeing that part of my stomach was bared as I lay next to him, he turned over so that I was below him and straddled my hips with his knees.

Slowly, he kissed my stomach, inching my tanktop up further and further as he continued to kiss where few had seen me. As he reached the curve of my breast, he looked up at me, asking permission. Just wanting to satisfy my lonely desires, I nodded, and he pushed it up further, running a hand along the part that wasn't covered by my bra. Wherever he touched me, goosebumps sprouted up, and I sank underneath him, scared. Nothing we had ever done had been this intense.

For a while, he ran a hand up and down my stomach. Then, he felt the part of my leg that was bared. Carefully, he undid my grey pants and slid them off, feeling me sensually as the cloth came away. Feeling that it was unfair that I hadn't responded, I made quick work of unbuttoning his shirt. When he leaned in close, I could smell his heavy scent, taking in everything I could. It was like the first time all over again. It was as though his passionate side had come back. Lying there in my underclothes, I knew that his eyes traveled first to my bra, which he probably wanted to take off. His red hair fell onto my bare shoulders, creating a warmth that I was hardly used to.

I almost thought of simply giving in, until I gazed into his emerald eyes. Rolling skillfully onto the floor, I smiled and gave him a look that was more than seductive. He gazed at my mostly-exposed body and sighed, running after me. Dodging, I avoided, only to find myself tackled. His shirt hadn't even come off yet; it was just unbuttoned, hanging off of him. We rolled around on the ground like it was a wrestling match, and I ended up on top this time, gazing down at him while my breasts hung down, providing him with an even better view.

"Now let's get rid of this silly thing," I said, pulling off his shirt and casting it to the side. My hand slid ever so lightly over his torso, feeling the contour of the muscles as he tensed at the sight of what he had wanted for so long. Green light emanated from my body, and vines enveloped the two of us.

"No room for cowardice now, Kurama said, feeling my skin. He was so smooth for a human. If I hadn't known that he was a demon, I would have been more impressed.

Twilight grew ever darker, and I knew that with the darkness, other things would come. Shiori had to come home eventually. With his fingers in my hair and his other hand on my back, I didn't worry about those things. "Even the dark, mysterious moon can't measure up to you," he whispered, and kissed my neck tenderly.

"Well," I said, "do tell in what way I'm better."

"In this way," he said, and he slid down my small white underwear...

Morning came, and we were still on the floor, murmuring words of devotion. Neither of us had slept the entire night. Remembering that Shiori must have come home through the back door, I threw a blanket over both of us, and we lay together. I was pressed against his bare chest, sinking into every curve of toned muscle. Lirra was right. It would be a desolate world without Kurama's love. Still naked under the sheets, I at least put on my underclothes and snuggled in closer. "I love you," I whispered softly.


	12. Forbidden Desire

Many more days passed in the same fashion, and honestly, I was glad that they were quite uneventful--as far as fighting, that is. Kurama and I went out a lot, since we had some spare time during a break. Several pictures were now hung on his wall. When I slept in a sleeping bag on the floor, I would stare up at the ceiling, where some of the pictures had been placed. There was our picture on the roller coaster. Kurama wore a bright smile while I clung to him for dear life. At the mall, I had come forward so that he looked like the background to a headshot of me. Now that we had made so many memories, we didn't have to do so much for each other all the time.

Of course, that didn't mean that the romanticism faded. No, he always loved me like that, too, and I knew that he always would. A picture taken in the park showed me planting a little kiss on his cheek while perched atop his knee like a graceful child. Looking at it then, I realized that he had blushed a little in being so open, but then it was fine. I was enjoying settling in. Lirra was right, and I had always known that she would be. For this time where we just hung out, I was truly happy.

Since there wasn't much to do around the house, I returned to school. Clever as he is, Kurama said that I had been ill with an unexpectedly serious case of the flu, but I wasn't contagious anymore. After a while, he let me meet his friends. Most of them went to different schools, but I found them to be interesting. Yusuke Urameshi was the one who always asked how I was. If I didn't know better, I would have hit him. Kazuma Kuwabara was a wannabe tough-guy, but he was really quite the gentleman. We had a lot of fun together. Once in a while, we went to the arcade, laughing at Kuwabara and Yusuke's anger at the video games while Kurama and I played air hockey. Usually, I could tell that he was letting me win.

However, despite the time we spent with his friends, we spent even more alone. Other favorite haunts were Tina's little western bar, and the lake where he had found me. Whenever we went there, both of us would take our shoes off and let the gentle tide wash in on our toes. It was always cool, and we would talk about our times together. Sometimes we would sit there for hours, and I would lean against his shoulder. Those were the times when we both looked out into the deep waters in contemplation and thought how such a vast plane could have been below there. At times it just didn't seem possible, but then there were days when I could feel the enlightenment, and I figured a few ways it could have been there.

Since it was raining, me, Kurama, Yusuke and Kuwabara had retreated inside to the cafe. It was an incredibly small place, but I had considered trying to get a job there. Most of the staff was agreeable, and I could use the money. Most often, Kurama was paying for me, and I felt guilty for draining his wallet so many times. The decor was quaint but pretty in its own way.

"So what now?" Kuwabara asked, feeling pretty restless. I understood that feeling perfectly. I couldn't go to the lake with Kurama afterward if this kept up.

"I guess we should order something," I said wearily. Thoughts of Jakiri and Ithryl living happily together had been taking their toll on me.

"Ah, they won't care what we do. We're customers, they should be happy that we're even here in this hole in the wall!" Laughing at Yusuke's brusque comment, we saw a waitress approach. Kurama, who sat close to me, wrapped an arm around my waist and then ordered some drinks for the two of us. By now, we had been here enough times that he knew what I liked.

"Well, don't you look cute?" Yusuke scoffed, and I shot him a look of disdain. Kurama shook his head, knowing that all that was on Yusuke's mind if he met a girl was whether or not he was going to get laid. Even though he was a good friend and a lot of friend, I tried not to get too mixed up with Urameshi. He had problems of his own, after all.

"Glad you think so," I scoffed, and he pouted jokingly. Both of us had fun pretending to fight.

The waitress brought out drinks, and I sniffed at my very light-brown coffee. It smelled sweet and lofty, so tempting. Looking over at Kurama's, I saw that his was dark brown, almost black. Deep as his emerald eyes, it had a heavier scent than I had expected from such a substance. One sip, and warmth flooded through me. It created a certain peaceful euphoria that I didn't want to leave me, but it wasn't just the drink. Kurama had his arm around me, and I only had time to notice that the room was empty before he kissed me. Both of us set down the coffee, and he slid a hand down my side, noticing every curve of me that he had seen so many times.

"Oh, get a room!" I heard Yusuke shout, but I was on Kurama's lap, and when we broke away, I gazed up into his eyes. Not a day went by that we didn't kiss, enjoying each other as much as we possibly could. Leaning my head against his chest, I drank deeply and drained the cup, running a hand up and down his chest.

"Did I miss something?" Kuwabara asked stupidly, scratching his head.

"Nothing at all," I whispered softly, nuzzling my head against Kurama's chest.

"Yeah," Yusuke retorted sarcastically. "Nothing but our two resident lovebirds schmoozing, nimrod." At the angry glare Yusuke gave me, I wrapped both arms around Kurama's neck and smiled, winking.

For some reason, Yusuke got up and walked out, storming out the door and then running down the street. Looking up at Kurama, he had a concerned look on his face. "He's mad at me," I said. "I'll go talk to him." It didn't take long to track Yusuke's huge energy signal. I found him leaning against a building, his head between his knees. "What is it?" I asked. "What did I do?"

Instead of replying he got up and took me forcibly in his arms. "I've known you for only a month, and you seem so familiar," he said. "Just wanna see you and Kurama get hitched so I can get these crazy thoughts out of my head." With the same roughness, he forced me into a kiss, making me open my mouth so that his tongue intertwined with mine. Realizing what he wanted, I pushed him away, making him fall down onto the pavement with a thud.

"No," I said, choking back the tears. "You can't be."

"Sorry," he said. "I'll leave you alone. Just stay happy with Kurama." Sighing heavily, he walked away from me and I stood there in the cold, pouring rain.

It was a shock, and yet it shouldn't have been. The way he fought with me, sometimes it could have been called flirting. Whenever me and Kurama were showing affection, he seemed to be even more cynical than usual. Thoughts fluttered around in my head. Never before had I known that others would be attracted to me, and it seemed so strange. Usually Yusuke was so harsh and coarse, so I had never thought him capable of true love. I suppose everyone is, even him.

Sinking down against the building, I shuddered, both with cold and sadness. Emotion overwhelmed me and I wrapped my arms around myself, hoping to stay warm. There was no other way to calm my mind. Nobody else was there, and my energy had been cloaked. There was no Kurama there at the moment to help me through, though I wished there was. How could Yusuke dare to do something like that? Such things as he wanted would destroy everything I had worked so hard to achieve. Yuki would take him away after that, laugh at me, spit in my face.

Rain plastered my hair to my face and made me feel so inferior. Sweat slicked down my cheeks, then it was mixed with silent tears. Yusuke had just asked me to betray all my feelings for Kurama, and he had gone so far as to kiss me. It felt more like he had raped me. Sitting down on the pavement, I stared down at the ground and waited. Nobody was there for me. Kurama wouldn't be able to find me in such a remote location, and I wasn't ready to go back yet. Yusuke would be with him. We would go on laughing together after a while, but then it would be uncomfortable, for me at least.

Mustering all the courage I possibly could, I got up and started walking down the street, toward the forest that I had come to know well. It was dark there, and I fled until I hit the cliff, then bounded off in an a swan dive, my spread-eagled arms folding into a straight line as I entered the water. It was time to revisit the place that I had been to before he met me...

_The first thing I saw was Lirra. She smiled down at me, her wings shielding the both of us. "Why are you back?" she asked. "It seems not to long ago that you were here." Utterly distressed, I looked up at her and then sat up, realizing I was on the floor of that chapel. Rose petals were scattered across my body, and I watched them fall as I erected myself._

_"One of Kurama's friends," I managed to say while holding back the tears. "He...he wants me, too, but I cannot forsake the one who has always loved me."_

_"I cannot help you with this dilemma," Lirra said. "It does not involve me. Kurama and yourself have a destiny of your own. My master has spun a very intricate plot that I intend to see play out."_

_"Well, then," I said. "I see you're no help."_

_Lirra shook her head and wrapped her wings around me. After the white feathers had faded away, I saw myself..._

_**I was running, more scared than anyone could ever know. They had killed my father, and my mother had been poisoned. Soon enough it would be me if I didn't leave. At the bottom of the steps, they were there. A dark figure, taller than the rest, was barking out orders in his smooth, low voice. "Kill everyone here," he said. "Be sure that no one escapes." Having given the final verdict, he vanished into thin air.**_

_**Now there was no question about it. There were some very brutal things they could do to me, and I didn't want any of them to happen. Torture was not a thing that I thought I could survive, so I morphed into the only form I knew: Yaga, the wolf of old. She had a sleek, beautiful body, and was the strongest of her kin. Bounding down the stairs, I found myself in the courtyard. Nobody paid attention to the various creatures there. They were all keen on killing the me that they would recognize. Yaga's guise worked perfectly, and I smiled in triumph as the palace faded behind me.**_

_**With my home went my old lifestyle. I would have to start anew, and the only other place I was familiar with was Hell's Grove. It was a start, so I went there, unsure as to what I would find. Settling down on the grass in that darkened place, I fell asleep as a wolf, waiting to see if destiny had any more in store for me...**_

_"Why?" I asked, dumbfounded. "What's the point?" Lirra wasn't there anymore, though, and I began to shift back to my other body, the one that I was familiar with._

Beside me, there was a quick splash, and a wet red head of hair popped up. His arm wrapped around my waist, and I followed him blindly to the bank of the lake. Water came out of my lungs whenever I coughed, and I thought how lucky I had been not to drown. Before it had been raining; now it was pouring. Droplets splashed down on both of us, and since I had dived into the water with my clothes on, they were thoroughly soaked through. "How'd you find me?" I asked weakly, feeling a little sniffle in my nose from the chill.

"It was easy enough to track you," he said. "You obviously don't have too much experience in cloaking your energy."

If not for my weakness at the moment, I would have flustered at his comment, but instead I sank into him, striving for warmth. Smiling, he took off his jacket and wrapped it around me tenderly. The outside was soaked, but the inside was dry, and warm. "Everything is so complicated," I said. "Yusuke...he tried to make a move on me. Of course, I warded him off, but I realized that just because we're in love doesn't mean the world is going to stop spinning, or the sun is going to stop setting. Before, I was so lost, and then I found you, so I guess I thought that you could be my world."

"I understand," he said. "For a while, there was an empty void, so large that if it was filled it could consume you. However, you can just enjoy it for now."

"Glad to know you don't think I'm obsessive," I joked, and let him drape an arm around my shoulders.

All of a sudden, the rain stopped, and I swept a hand over the grass, feeling the soft dew. It was so gentle, and then I brushed one finger along Kurama's cheek. "Finally," I whispered, heaving a huge sigh of relief. "I thought this rain would never end." Kurama didn't answer; he just looked at me and then drew me into a deep kiss, feeling my hair as he enjoyed being with me.

How sudden it was that he would just forgive me on the spot. There were very few explanations involved, and he didn't question my word at all. I took that as a sign that we would stay together for a very long time. Pressed up against him, I smiled gently and then we just laughed. It had been so silly to think that he would be angry at me for something I didn't do. Really, I should have known him far better than that. "Sorry," I said softly, brushing up against him, "for suspecting you of even coming close to being inconsiderate."

"I forgave you before I knew what you did," he said. "It was a spur of the moment thing. Why would you leave after waiting for so long anyway?" There was definitely plenty of truth to that. It would have made my whole world pointless.

Aside from that, I couldn't just go from lover to lover, changing whenever I pleased. There would never be anyone I could count on, and it would be such an empty existence. Looking into those deep green eyes, I wanted to be able to stare into those forever. "I-" I was about to say something, but then I turned my head at the sound of distant footsteps.

"It must be Kuwabara and Yusuke," Kurama said, standing up and wrapping an arm around my waist. "They probably got worried and came to check on us."

It wasn't them, though. In the distance, I saw something much bigger. Huge wings spread out from it and I could see claws in the shadow. Whatever it was, it wasn't much taller than I was. Bracing myself against Kurama, I held my breath, waiting in utter silence...

**A/N-Hey guys! It's only fair to give you a cliffie after making you wait so long for me to update. Yes, it took a while, but I've been busy. Hope you all contine to read this story, and even if you don't, I'll probably keep on writing it! You don't know how many times I've rehashed this idea, and how good it's turning out now. The first one was such a horribly short, poorly-written piece that it got deleted off the site. Glad to know this is doing better!**

**Yuki Amida: Yup, it always keeps marching on! I realize that I am a painfully fluffy writer! Still, you're only one who has reviewed chapter eleven so far, so I commend you for that! ;)**

**C y'alls later!**

**Miari**


	13. Confrontation

Stirring only slightly, I waited for the figure to approach us. My human heart stopped beating, and I stared in awe at the beautiful figure that appeared before me. Kurama's grip on my waist tightened, and I felt as if I might suffocate if he grasped me any harder. It was Lirra, but she had changed. Her eyes were an emerald as deep as Kurama's, buut even brighter. Long, sinuous golden claws replaced her delicate fingers. When I looked at her hand, it was contorted in several ways that only made it look ugly. Bright, corn-colored hair still streamed down her back, fluttering in the soft breeze. White, angelic wings beat slowly, creating a small gust.

"It's been so long since last I saw you," she said, approaching us. "Katie...Kaiina...it's all the same. You've become a weakling and that's why my master has sent me here." She came up to Kurama and whispered something in his ear. In turn, he turned on his heel and smacked her directly across the face.

"What do you want?" Iasked. "Whho is this 'master' you keep talking about?"

"I just want to fulfill my dear master's orders. He knows my power...he taught me how to use it properly."

"Well," I said, closing my eyes and sparing her a short laugh. "Let's see if he taught you how to use this properly!" As I charged forward, green light enveloped my fist. The claws disappeared from Lirra's hands as she rose into the air, dodging my attack. Instead, two crystalline blades ran down the length of her forearms, curving slightly for about two feet past her knuckles. Looking up, I saw them gleaming gloriously in the sun. It was almost as though Lirra controlled the world for that moment. We were just pawns, wandering, lost, alone.

Swooping down, Lirra smirked as she swiped one blade at me. I jumjped up and landed on the flat of it, smiling at my own ingenuity. Her face snarled at me as the other blade came toward my chest. Fortunately, I was able to dodge that one too, and I ended up behind her. Both our backs were facing each other as I drew my saber, fueling it with part of my energy, part of myself. Vines twisted around the blade, blending in as though they were meant to be there. Lirra watrched me, her two blades gleaming as she let her arms hang at her sides.

'"You aren't anything without him anymore," she taunted.

"No," I quavered, "you-you're wrong!"

"All you think about is him."

"Liar!"

"If he wasn't her anymore, you'd be as good as dead."

"Leave 'us' alone! If you want a fair fight, let me fight alone. Not me and Kurama...just me...alone."

One crystalline blade flashed by, and I ducked, feeling a few strands of hair come off. Falling to the ground, I threw my saber out in front of me and felt the full impact of one of those blades. While I was absorbed in one, the other sliced across my stomach. Blood flowed to the ground in in several large rivulets. There was no time to find a bandage; I would just have to end this quickly. Kurama clenched his teeth as he watched from the sidelines, staring anxiously at my wound. He felt my pain, saw that I was hurt, but he knew I wanted to finish this alone.

Panic, and then the vines that wrapped my sword tightly flashed green. Swiping the blade at Lirra, I watched it cut at one arm, denting her blade. How I'd done it, I didn't know, but it had saved me from certain death. "I thought you were a worthy ally for a while," I admitted. "Now I see you're just another piece of demonic scum." Lirra smirked at my ignorance, her vivid green eyes sparkling with delight. It seemed as though I had just displayed my boundless ignorance, and she meant to kill me for being such a fool.

"I'm not a demon," she said. "I'm not a ahuman, or a spirit, either." She glanced at Kurama, who defied her with a cold, hard glare. "I am an Avatar, a being created by another. My master has given me the breath of life, so I must obey him. To do otherwise would be ungrateful."

"But that's no reason to kill me," I argued, gritting my teeth. Lirra was still backed away from me, but my loss of blood was quickly tiring me out.

With a flick of her wrist, Lirra and her weapons were entirely mended. I squirmed a little as she prepared to lower a blade on me. "Your death is long past due," she declared victoriously, giving me her most arrogant grin. "My master has wanted your life in payment for his for a very long time." Rolling to the side, I just managed to avoid the attack. My saber glowed faintly still, and I drove it forward, into her shoulder. Clutching it in pain, Lirra reeled back in her anguish. It must have seemed so impossible that such a thing could happen to her. The shock on her face said everything. I was supposed to be the pitiful weakling, nothing more than a pathetic half-breed. My mother was no demon...she was just a lost spirit of the woods.

"Not bad for a weakling, eh?" I challenged, pressing my saber against her throat.

Lirra glared mercilessly at me, and then used her wings to beat the saber off of her throat. Flying up, she took quite a bit of effort to do so. White feathers fell down to the ground, creating a soft carpet as she beat her wings heavily. Kurama gazed up, and then took a fighting stance. "Katie," he said, "watch out. She may not look it, but she still has plenty left." When I actually tried to read her energy level, I realized he was right. It was still of the charts, far more than I could ever counter. There was no way in hell that I was going to beat Lirra like this.

"I could kill you," she mused, "but I suppose you'd like an exhibition of my powers." Raising one hand, she summoned black energy until I couldn't see any of her hand. Kurama stood beside me, ready to face whatever it would be together. A single rose was in his hand, and I closed my eyes for a moment, remembering that scent. If nothing else, it would givbe me something to remind me of what he had been like if either one of us were to die.

"If it comes down to it, I'll always love you," I whispered to him. Slipping him arm around my waist, he squeezed tightly.

Up above us, that black orb was hovering, but soon the world changed around us. From all my visits to the Plane of Luminescence, I was used to it, and Kurama buried his face in my hair. Lirra disappeared, and we were in the barren world of ice. No matter that it was cold, though, because I could still feel blood drizzling steadily down my body. Kurama noticed and found a dry patch of ground to lay me down on. "Now don't move," he said softly. I did as I was told, and soon he took off his shirt. Feeling the chill set in on me through my jacket and my thin t-shirt, I tried to tell him not to, but he pressed a finger to my lips.

Each half of the shirt was torn again and again, until I had several strips of cloth covering my wounds. "That fight made me think," I said softly while he sat there, trying not to look bothered by the cold. Already his lips had turned blue though, and I saw him shiver slightly. "Either of us could die any day, so we shouldn't have to wait. Some people want to wait for years and years, but by the time that's over, we'll be too old to enjoy each other, and we might get sick of each other. You have to nourish love while it's still alive. Otherwise, it'll end up being too late."

"You're right," he said, bending over a little to stroke my cheek. His red hair fell over his bared chest gracefully, but I still doubted it was enough to keep him warm.

Lying down next to me, he got settled beside me. I was surprised to feel just how cold he had become, but soon my warmth had flooded through him once more. "I love you more than I'll ever love anyone," he said, wrapping both arms around my neck and gazing into my eyes. It was always so transfixing when he did that that sometimes I didn't listen to what he was saying. "Kaiina...will...will you...allow me to take your hand in marriage?"

Glorious shock swept over me, and he produced a small white box. Opening it, he revealed a beautiful diamond ring. Roses stood out on the band, and I took it in awe, slipping it onto my finger. Once it was on, I admired the beautiful diamond and then embraced him with all I had. We kissed more passionately than we had ever kissed before, and didn't break it for what seemed like hours. "I guess I had to do it before I had to up and leave again," he said. "Besides, we've really known each other for longer than they know."

"Not quite," I said, "but it's a good enough explanation."

A day or two passed before we left that spot, and strangely enough, we soon found ourselves in a balmy, shady woods. This place seemed so like the spot where he had died the first time around that I hazarded a glance down at the ring. Lush greenery surrounded us, and the shade moderated the humidity of this forest. "I remember this place," I said quietly, casting my eyes down. "This is where we met before..." Suddenly, he wrapped his arms around me from behind.

"Don't think about that now," he said. "I'm here. I'm not dead."

"Not yet," a voice whispered from the shadows. Letting me go, Kurama surveyed the area, the rose still clutched in his hand. Lirra was perched on the branch of a nearby tree, balancing upright with the help of her wings. White silk bound her feet, blowing in the gentle breeze. The two crystalline blades still extended beyond her forearms, and I could feel her power everywhere. It was so overwhelming. For a while there didn't seem to be one source, but a thousand different ones.

"So," I said, "you want me dead again." I reached down to unsheath my saber, but it wasn't there. All I had to fight with were my hands and feet.

Immediately, a green aura enveloped me, and beside me, Kurama flourished the rose, turning it into a long whip. Thorns covered its length, and I fingered the place in between my breasts where it had stricken me before. Pain flashed there for a moment, but then I refocused on the figure in the tree. "It's so entertaining to play with you two," Lirra said. "Both of you are insecure without each other...two parts of a whole that cannot be complete without the other. If I kill one of you, the other will take care of itself. Now which to tear apart first?" Eyeing my ring, she smiled, making her decision all too easily.

"I see you have something to remember him by," she mused, staring at the intricate design. "Now where does such a young boy get the money to buy that beautiful jewel? He must love you greatly...to waste his money on a wretched whore like you. All you're in it for is the pleasure...your own personal gain."

"Shut...up," I snarled, my aura getting larger and brighter. "You wouldn't know about those things, being such a monster."

"You don't even know what you are," Lirra said teasingly. "You're just a bastard child...the product of a scared spirit and a lust-filled wolf king. Your father, Fehreil, would never have wanted a child as pathetic as you...a simpering pup crippled by such a weakness as _love_." Raising my hands, I summoned up several vines, sending them at her in my fury.

For a couple of seconds, it looked like I had her trapped, but then the vines came apart of their own will, severing themselves. Laughing at my attempts, Lirra only smirked. "You're in the Plane of Luminescence," she said. "You're in my world, living with my rules. You are both at my mercy...the players in a play, pawns in a chess match." Kurama leapt forward and challenged her in a series of martial arts moves, flying at her like a maddened bull. Each time Lirra managed to dodge with the grace of a swan, shifting only slightly to avoid his swiftest attacks. Finally, they stopped, and all was silent. Though she was unscathed, Lirra looked slightly drawn.

"What exactly is it behind this world?" I demanded. "What makes it yours?"

"It is me," she said. "I sustain it...I am the Plane of Luminescence personified."

Gazing at her in astonishment, I waited for a couple seconds and then thought of an idea. If she was sustaining it, then all I had to do was distract her with many attacks, sap her energy slowly until she would be easy to kill. Sending out several vines, I covered them with thorns, letting them scratch at her until she had several small cuts all over her body. However, it still wasn't enough. _Mother_, I thought. _Rhia, I don't know how to use your powers...please, help me save him._

Minutes passed, and soon I just went on the defensive, sending out my power to block whatever she threw at me. Suddenly, there was a tingling that ran up and down my spine. I kept on fighting while the voice spoke to me...

_"Mother?" I asked, looking around Hell's Grove. For the first time, I wondered why it still held that name. It was beautiful if you knew it, and it had always provided soft grass for me to lie upon. "Mother?" I called again, knowing that she would be here, in her natural home._

_"Yes, Lyara," she replied. "Oh, forgive me, Kaiina. I forgot...your father chose to name you something different. I, however, always though Lyara would be a lovely name for my child. Kaiina, why do you look so distressed?" Vivid red-orange hair spilled down her back freely, and her slight frame was draped with vines and leaves, its only covering. Dark shadows flitted about, but they didn't seem to bother her. Eyes as pale a green as I had ever seen stared out of her youthful face._

_"I need to know how to defeat her," I said. "Lirra is the one who stands in the way of me and my lover, and then we can live out our lives together happily. Please, mother, I don't know how to use your power yet."_

_"Find your center," she said, closing her eyes and focusing with me. "There is the answer you look for. It will kill her without fail, but you must be prepared to die if you use it. Few have sufficient power to wield it and live, but use that, and it will at least save your love." Looking into Rhia's loving eyes, I wished I had known her before. My father had always said my mother was a high-bred wolf demon like him. A while later, I had realized that his 'wife' had been nothing but a mere concubine, a woman placed in the throne of a queen to trick me out of my heritage._

_"Thank you," I told her, and then embraced my mother for the first time ever as she faded away from me forever, back to the world where she belonged..._

When I came to, I dodged Lirra's attacks. Kurama was helping, but it was mostly my fight at the moment. Surprisingly, I'd managed not to get any limbs chopped off by those formidable scythe blades while conversing with my mother.

I did as she had told me to, and tried to find the center of my being, my soul. It lay behind so many thick barriers, but I finally reached it, letting many dark secrets fall away. Inside, I saw why this part had not been revealed to me before. It blazed with power that I had never seen before. Wild and untamed, virtually untouched, it begged to be let out. Before I could though, the sound of a weapon soaring roughly through the air reached my ears. I fell backward and slowly started to lose consciousness. A scream that was not my own rang through the air, but by then I was too disoriented to tell whether Lirra was dead yet or not...all that mattered was that it was over...

**A/N-YES! I finally reached the climax of the story. Loved writing the fight scene with Lirra, and I'm sorry for those of you who may have liked her cool, rather cryptic character. I love something about every character I create, so that's no problem for me, but I like to think that there are fans for each one of my OC's. Anyhow, the last few chapters are gonna be so great! Can't wait to wrap up this story...the note on my desk kept telling me to finish this before Christmas(or it's never getting done), but I am way early! wOOt! Love to my one reviewer for chappie 12...I know you're out there guys...you're just...hiding sniffle**

**Peace Out!**

**Miari**


	14. Heartbreak Revisited

For what seemed like an eternity I slept, and when I woke up, my mind was still incredibly foggy. Spots blurred the edges of my vision, and all I could see were the most basic of colors. For those many hours that I had slept, I had dreamt of my mother. She would call to me, tell me to help her with something. As a child starved for a mother's love, I did whatever tedious tasks she required of me. No matter how menial they were, nothing was too hard for me to do.

Then I had remembered my time in Hell's Grove, the place that so many people feared, and few knew the secrets of. Few before me had felt such a deep connection to it, but I had always thought it to be mere coincidence. The way I could navigate the forest by feeling an energy from the trees had always seemed like such second nature to me, so I had never thought it unusual. My father was the only one who had ever been suspicious, and he was long dead.

After that came thoughts of Kurama, and that was what plunged my mind into turmoil. Ravaged by thoughts of him, I tossed and turned so visibly, and screamed out his name several times. Each time, my voice seemed to fade away little by little, until I knew he wouldn't be able to hear me. Creeping up to him, I would slowly outstretch my hand, and he would take it, stroking it with his thumb. However, the sad look he gave me each time did not bode well, and I looked hard into those emerald depths. No matter how deep I gazed, there was nothing telling me what was wrong exactly, so I had to guess.

The last was of Jakiri. She was striding through the forest, _my_ forest by right, with Ithryl. All of a sudden, they stopped, and Ithryl whispered a few words into the servant's ear. Smiling, Jakiri followed her and they were at the clearing where I had found Kurama dead. His body, of course, was nowhere to be seen. Jakiri knelt down on the ground and looked up at the sky. "This is the place that my master and I visited long ago," she whispered, smiling nostalgically. "We found her lover dead, and that was what brought me to Ningenkai."

"Forget Kaiina," Ithryl said, taking Jakiri's hand in an effort to comfort her. "She was just your master, nothing more. How can one who is so cruel as to take one into service be considered anything close to a friend by his or her servant? You have been opressed, and you should do something about it."

"Kaiina was no cruel master," Jakiri replied. "Despite your ideas, Kaiina took me into her service only after I told her I would do anything to repay her for unlocking me. There was nothing opressive about that."

"Except the loss of your freedom," Ithryl said softly, producing a gentle lily in her hands. Her slim fingers curled around it gracefully, cupping it firmly but supportively. "When you were with Sakoshima, you were happy, and even in love, if you call it that. Now, you grieve over a master you inwardly wished to leave for a very long time."

Jakiri looked uncertain for a little while and then gazed at the rose, slowly wilting in Ithryl's hand. Its petals fell of one by one, and then my servant's eyes were shut. She looked at Ithryl after a little while, and her old features returned. "I was once far more powerful," she said. "I was a great Iceshadow Dragon, but now I am reduced to a mere 'ghost' haunting a house. Do you honestly think I want to live like that?" And then she walked away, until I couldn't see her.

Finally, I awakened after what seemed like hours. Soft light fell on me, filtered through the dense canopy of trees. Feeling around, I found my fingers embedded in some sort of thick, wet, sticky material. Also, something heavy had fallen on top of me. Tucking in my stomach and sliding out, I felt a hammer smash my heart to bits at that moment. Kurama was there, with the bottom half of Lirra's blade embedded in his stomach.

Stirring slightly, he knew not to move, lest he shake out the blade. Blood was in his hair and on his clothes, but he was still alive, and I looked at him lovingly. "I'm sorry," he choked out, and I could see him spit out his blood.

"No!" I shouted. "You can't...you can't die!" Throwing my arms around him, I clung, as if it would stop him from leaving me here. "I don't know what I'll do...please don't give up."

"I...have to.." he said, choking once more. "Even though I know you want to save me...it's not..." Breathing heavily, he looked up at me, his emerald eyes glistening with tears of pain and agony. The muscles in his stomach clenched tightly with all the pain, and his tears ran down his cheeks. "Be...strong," he told me, clasping my hand.

Totally taken aback by his will to die, I buried my head in his mass of red hair and cried. Tears flowed like a steady river, and I felt as if my world was caving in on me. The sunlight faded in comparison to his beautiful face. Squeezing my arms tightly about his neck, I prayed to whatever being would listen that he wouldn't die. _Please don't let him leave me,_ I thought. _I won't be able to keep myself alive if he isn't around anymore._ "Lirra was right," I whispered into his hair. "I'm nothing without you...nothing." That last word was so soft that I doubted he could hear it, but he wrapped his arms around my waist and stroked my back comfortingly.

"That's where you're...wrong," he said shakily, coughing up yet more blood. What had Lirra done to him? Was this all part of her master's grand plan? Was he trying to dismantle me entirely? Sobbing furiously, I let Kurama comfort me, and he caressed me so gently. It would be nothing if I didn't have his touch, his very presence there. Life would lose its meaning...and I knew we had had a future together...if only I hadn't trusted Lirra...if only.

At that moment, I took in the scent of his sweat mixed with blood, and the smell of his body. My hands ran over every part of him as I remembered our time together...

_We were at the mall, enjoying a quick meal at the food court. A new string of aquamarine beads was fastened around my neck, and I showed it off proudly. I knew he really didn't have that sort of money to spend on me, but he had been so insistent at the time. Everything was so carefree as I playfully took a french fry off of his plate. Though he admonished me for not asking, I could tell that it really came across as cute._

_After a little while at the mall, we went to the movies, where we sat together in the dark theatre. A bowl of buttery popcorn was the only thing between us, and we would kiss whenever the stars in the movie did. It was a romance with a sprinkle of comedy here and there. Afterward, there was still time, and the night was still young. So, we went to Yusuke's house. _

_Yusuke's mom, Atsuko, is something of an alcoholic, so she's never really home to bother us. It's probably why Yusuke's so insecure. We went over there and knocked on the door only to find that Kayko was there too. She was Yusuke's girlfriend, a very sweet and upbeat person. From the sound of things, she was just the sort of person Yusuke needed to straighten himself out. After all the greetings, we were invited inside, and ended up talking the whole night._

_Kurama drove me home silently, and we just shared the beauty of the stars and the peace of that night. When we got home, it was just the two of us; Shiori, the poor thing, had taken on another double shift in hopes of paying off their house. Slowly we settled down onto the couch. Somehow we managed to lie together on that small couch. Taking one of my hands in his, he whispered comforting words in my ear. Then, his hand slipped gently under my shirt, and it was off before I knew it. Laughing at his touch, I threw my arms about him, drawing us both into a deep kiss. And the rest was history..._

"Kurama," I whispered, and he laughed gently, in spite of my pain. A smile even crept across my face, and I kissed him briefly on the lips, feeling his arms tighten around my waist. "I can't let you go yet," I whispered. "I couldn't even if I tried."

**There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea.**

**You became the light on the dark side of me.**

**Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill.**

**But did you know,**

**That when it snows,**

**My eyes become large and **

**The light that you shine can be seen.**

I could hear someone singing in the distance, and it never occurred to me to let go. If I let go, I wouldn't get to say goodbye to him.

**Shine,**

**Bright morning light,**

**Now in the air the spring is coming.**

**Sweet, blowing wind**

**Singing down the hills and valleys.**

**Keep your eyes on me**

**Now we're on the edge of hell.**

**Dear my love, sweet morning light,**

**Wait for me, you've gone much farther,**

**Too far.**

Whoever it was, I didn't want them to stop singing. I felt Kurama's arms tense around me, squeezing harder and tighter than I had ever known they could. My hands caressed the back of his neck as I whispered words of endearment...ones that were meaningless, because he was already resigned to his death...

**I've still got sand**

**In my shoes,**

**And I can't shake the thought of you.**

**I should move on,**

**Forget you, anything else would have been confused,**

**But I...want to see you again...I want to see you again.**

I kissed him passionately, and he kissed with what he had left. Somehow, I could feel his life slowly draining into me. It flooded me with a glorious heat, and then he was so cold that I threw his jacket on top of him...the one that he had given me.

**Now I can't deny**

**Nothing lasts forever.**

**I don't want to leave,**

**And see the teardrops in your eyes.**

**I don't want to live**

**To see the day we say goodbye.**

His body had the chill of death now, and the tears flowed freely over his body, washing the blood from his hair. Small rivulets ran down in the wrinkles in his clothes. I clutched at him and then pulled out that horrible blade, slipping it into the sheath where my saber should have been. Looking down at the ring he had given me, I cried even more, pouring out my soul in tears.

Finally, I heard someone come through the brush. It was a boy with light brown hair and dark eyes. He seemed to be about fifteen, and I could tell he had been the one singing. Realizing that my clothes were a torn, bloody mess, I covered myself with Kurama's jacket once more. "What's wrong?" the boy asked. I couldn't respond, but he helped me carry the body back to the Minamino household. Shiori didn't know what had happened, but I lied and said we had been overtaken by a gang on the streets. In his attempt to save me, he had died by the knife. My scabbard had been hidden away in the room we had shared.

Shiori told me to go up to his room, which I could have for the night, and thanked the boy for helping to bring her son home. On the wall, there were pictures...of _us_...of what we could have been if not for that damned woman! She had killed him mercilessly, knowing what I had gone through to get to him. She understood that I had sacrificed everything I could have had in order to find my love again. Pictures on the wall showed him hugging me tightly, and one that had been taken in one of those mall photobooths. It was a do-it-yourselfer, so I had fallen back when trying to get into position. The one thing I hadn't noticed then was how he caught me. I was in his arms, almost in a cradle position, and he looked down at me so happily, laughing goodheartedly.

Thoughts of him only brought more tears, and I could hear his voice calling to me, his scent beckoning me to come and lay with him. His eyes entranced me as usual, and I ran my fingers through his thick red hair. It was soft to the touch, and I knew that he truly did love me. We hadn't been together for very long, but it was a match made in heaven, and that wretch had destroyed it with one fell strike. So I lay there in utter despair, waiting for the day when I would see him and touch him again, the day that was hopelessly far-off...

**A/N-Hey reviewers, or any who wish to! I'm sorry it had to happen. I cried while I was writing it. The 4-5 songs used are: Kiss from a Rose by Seal; Fake Wings by Yuki Kajiura; Sand in My Shoes by Dido; and Goodbye by Hootie and the Blowfish, respectively. Hope you were moved by(not happy enough to say enjoyed) this chapter.**

**Later,**

**Miari**


	15. Visitation

Jakiri woke me up in his room, curled up wearing only one of Kurama's shirts. "I heard what happened," she said, brushing my hair back from my face. "I'm sorry I left you, but the doctor saw you to check and..."

"And what?" I asked in a monotone voice.

"You're carrying his child."

"I'm what?" My voice remained toneless, and I could hear his voice still, telling me he was sorry for cutting our romance short. It hadn't been that terrible. Pictures littered the floor...the ones that we hadn't had time to put up yet. Shiori hadn't come in here after the first night, realizing how deeply I was grieving for her son. Though I knew such a caring mother was sad for her only child, Shiori Minamino hid it well.

Why was Jakiri here, though? Where was Ithryl? All these questions zipped through my head, making me forget my sadness for a short while and replacing it with curiosity. Jakiri's blue eyes stared down at me, and a few strands of beautiful blonde hair brushed against my stomach. Lirra. She had taken away everything I was ever worth, and now everyone was paying for it. The prospect of carrying his child, though, made me think of how I had to deal with the situation. If I had another fight like that, my one remembrance of him would be forgotten.

There would be no more hard-core fights for a while, since I didn't want to have a miscarriage. It would have to be quick and silent, along with being easy to execute. "I can't be," I whispered into thin air. "I...just can't." Jakiri knelt down so that she was gazing into my tear-stained eyes.

"Just take a breath," she whispered. "Please, I know I've been a terrible servant, but there are others who want you to live." Looking up, I found that my hand had been wrapped around the ring he had given me. The grooves in it were so fine and detailed, and I looked at the stone. The diamond was a small rose, even, carved roughly in that shape. It was hard to the touch, and I smiled at the thought of being with him for all eternity.

"The viewing is tonight," she said, and took my hands in both of hers. Jakiri really was so pretty, in a motherly way. Her form changed back to what it originally had been. Snowy white hair fell down to her feet as she knelt, and I saw those icy blue eyes I had once known so well. They were like delicate crystals as tears began to form. "I'm so sorry," she said. "I was so jealous...you were able to live and love...as you chose, but I...I was confined to your service."

Though I wanted to, I couldn't offer Jakiri any words of comfort. When I closed my eyes to think for a moment, I saw those emerald eyes before me. Kurama wanted to be with me, and I loved him for it, but how else could we be together. Death was one option, but then Jakiri would be even guiltier. "Be strong, Katie," his voice said in my mind, and I wanted to so badly. Uncertainty closed in, and I clutched at my head, wishing it all away. There we were, and there I would be, if only he hadn't died. We would have been in a small, plain house together, living with a very tiny baby in our arms.

Her name was Keiryi, and she had been our most precious gift, the only thing that came close to superceding our love for each other. Soon enough, she was crawling, and then we heard her cry out her first words. "Momma!" she screamed giddily, throwing her arms up in the air. Joy flowed through me thick as my own blood, and I smiled, stroking our child's thick head of red hair. She hugged my arm, not wanting to let go of it. Kurama wrapped an arm around my shoulders and looked down at the little girl with his hair and eyes.

"Look what we've created," he mused, and kissed me tenderly, then scooped up the child in his strong, careful arms.

Instead this dream was a lie...raising my child would be so difficult without him there to comfort me. If she really did turn out that much like Kurama, I didn't know how well I would take it. Quivering, I clasped my left hand to my bosom, refusing to let go of the one thing that still tied me to him. The days when we had met were still so vivid in my mind. Picking up the orange jacket he had given me, I stared at it long and hard. How could I ever forget the way he had rescued me from drowning? That jacket had been the only thing that kept me from freezing to death. It was on that night that I had recognized who it was, and it was on that night that we made love for the first time.

Luckily enough, I hadn't had a child earlier, or Yusuke would have been really mad at me. Walking around at the age of eighteen, my belly swollen with a child, I would have been taunted to no end. Standing up, I looked at Jakiri curiously, wondering why she had come back. Surely the urge to repent hadn't been the only thing that brought her back? I realized that I was only wearing a black slip, and it was already getting dark. Using my power to alter my appearance, I gave myself some elegant, high-heeled shoes and a sweater that tied in the front to complement the simple black gown. Jakiri gave the nod of approval and shifted back into her human form.

My hair was pulled back tightly in a bun as we walked out, dressed all in black. Jakiri looked so angelic in the ruffled, strapless dress that she wore. She wore her hair down, letting its stunning golden color contrast her dress. This was only the visitation, but I wanted to go now, before the body was buried forever. The service would be in two days, and I wanted to kill Lirra before then...and give myself closure. How else could I avenge my lost love?

The funeral home was only a few blocks away, and the inside was shocking. All around was soft carpeting, colored a deep red. Roses were strewn across the pathway that people walked, and there was one at each entrance to a pew. Just as it had been in the Plane of Luminescence. Such thoughts reminded me of Lirra and her treachery. When she had first appeared, she had pretended to be a friend, an ally who would help me achieve my goals. Now, she was a traitorous wench. She had killed Kurama mercilessly, and I could never forgive her for that.

Yusuke and Kuwabara were there too, along with Shiori, of course. So many people were offering their condolences to Shiori, but not one walked up to me or Jakiri. The two of us stood in the line to view his body, to see for the last time the one who had changed both of our lives so drastically. "I wondered where Ithryl had gone," Jakiri told me in a hushed whisper as we waited. "I traced her spirit to the place where he died, and then you were there, too, but nobody else was. The only possible explanation is..."

I gasped, and thought over how this could benefit me. If Ithryl really was...then Jakiri could take care of the problem for me. The line moved, and I realized that we were almost there. Now I could catch a glimpse of his body, and it had been cleaned up. There was no more blood staining his perfect features. Eventually, they moved out of my way, and Jakiri slipped out for a while, talking with other people. Then I was alone to gaze upon him.

If only his eyes had been open so that I could see them one last time. Collapsing to my knees, I took the icy-cold hand in mine, stroking it as I wept. Hope had disappeared, and now I was alone until the child came around. "Why did you have to do it?" I asked him. "Couldn't there been a way we both would have lived...a way we both could have died?" Tears ran down my face more violently than ever, and I was bent over the corpse, staring at those arms that had caught me when I fell, the lips that I had kissed so often...the hands that took care of me so well.

It was too much to take. I looked down, feeling as though I were staring into a hopeless, empty, lonely abyss. "I searched so long...and you were it. WHY?" I slammed one fist against the side of the coffin, crying desperately. "You were always there," I sobbed, choking on my words. "I don't know what to do without you!"

Desperate as could be, I scooped up his heavy, dead body in my arms and embraced it. He had died under my watch...he had died while I only thought of my selfish desires to stay with him. Why didn't I go to get help? Couldn't he have been saved? People behind me backed away, frightened for my sanity. Tighter and tighter I hugged him, feeling the softness of his pale skin, gazing at his vibrant red hair, his closed emerald eyes. They would have been so enchanting, but now they were eternally shut, closed to all. "It can't be," I said. "It just can't!"

Jakiri came forward and let me cry into her, wrapping her arms around me. Tears stained her beautiful eyes too, and she looked sidelong at the coffin, filled with so much sadness. "Wh-where will we go?" I asked. "I can't raise a child here."

"Yes, you can," said Jakiri. "Do you want your baby to have a future filled with killing...do you want her to have what you used to?"

"Yes," I replied. "I want her to be loved. I want her to live a happy life without cares. She will be a full-blooded demon, I know, but I don't want her to grow up like a demon would." Tears still ran down my cheeks, but they were so empty now. I knew he was gone, so why couldn't I stop crying long enough to take what was mine...my vengeance?

Icy blue eyes focused on me and me only, Jakiri amiled and bent down to wipe the tears from my face. It was painful to admit my weaknesses to my own slave. She had been good to me, but few would have done that for me. Shiori came to me, looking down at the intricate diamond ring that was on my left hand. "Shuiichi told me," she said. "He told me that since it was legal, he couldn't wait. I'm so sorry, Katie...so sorry that it had to end like this." She gave me a hug, and for the first time, I felt the concrete love of a mother...a show of affection.

"Thank you," I said after wiping my tears away. "I loved him just as much as he did me, and I only wish that we could have gone or stayed together." Shiori nodded and then announced that the visitation was over. Only two days left before my love was buried forever.

Alone, I walked home in silence. Visions of Keiryi flashed through my mind, and visions of the many days we had spent. There were so many pictures on the floor, so many moments captured that were now so precious to me. My revenge would be sweet, and I knew that Jakiri would willingly help me to carry it out. For now, though, I was caught up in the whirlwind of Kurama's death. He seemed to be gazing down at me, the one who had made a fool of herself at his funeral.

More lost than I had ever been, I dashed off toward the lake where I had found him before. First, though, I stopped by the house to get his orange jacket. It fit loosely still, but I didn't care. Running off toward the edge of the city, I wrapped it closer around me. The lake was gorgeous in its own gray, gloomy way when I got there. Sitting down on the cliff overlooking it, I set my shoes beside me and let my bare feet dangle off the edge. The skirt of my dress, which was meant to be form-fitting, fell graciously down over my legs, providing some kind of warmth.

Silent tears streaked my face, leaving wet trails in their wake. How could I live on here and raise Keiryi in the place of her father's death? How could I wake up every day seeing his child? She was the one thing that would stay with me to hold me over until my own death. "You died...so young," I whispered, as if he were right next to me. For a moment, I could have sworn I saw his face, and a flash of his red hair. Emerald eyes gazed at me, transfixing my dark pools as they always had. "I'll miss you," I whispered, touching his cheek gently. Hallucination or no, this was my last chance to see him in this life.

"I know you will," he said quietly. "Be happy...raise Keiryi well and be happy that you have her. We'll see each other again someday." He kissed me, but as minutes passed, he slowly faded away. The solid shoulders that I felt beneath my arms dissipated, and lastly, those eyes that I had always loved. "Goodbye," he whispered to me, then his image was no more.

"Goodbye," I replied, kneeling and watching his spirit leave me alone on this earth.

For hours on end, I let tears roll down my cheeks unhindered. They fell down into the lake, and for a short while I considered trying to drown myself. However, there was the child to consider...I had to survive for the sake of his child, the child that would carry on our legacy. I didn't know how I was going to do this, but there had to be a way. The one thing I did know was that I would never be ready to be in love all over again. I had gotten so attached, only to have my heart ripped wide open when he sacrificed his life for mine. It was a heroic effort, but I wished I could have gone with him.

Night fell, and I still sat there alone. Suddenly, I heard footsteps and turned around, gazing at the figure behind me. "Didn't think you'd wanna come back here," a slick-talking voice commented.

"Why are you here?" I demanded acidly. "Isn't once enough?"

"I know you've been avoiding me," he said. "I just came to apologize. After seeing how you reacted to his funeral, I understood how you two felt about each other."

"That doesn't mean much coming from you, Yusuke," I shot back, and curled up into a little ball.

He sat down beside me, looking up at the full moon. "Legends always say those with the wolf's blood turn into monsters during the full moon," Yusuke joked. "I see that's still true."

"They have good right to," I muttered sourly. His eyes locked with mine, and I could see that he was sorry to see Kurama go too.

"Never knew much about the guy," he said. "Sometimes he even scared me, but his heart was always in the right place."

"Maybe," I said quietly. "He should have saved his own life instead of risking his own."

"Yeah," Yusuke said sarcastically. "Then you would have put him through this entire ordeal."

"You don't understand!" I shouted, springing to my feet. "He's stronger than I am...he would have made it better on his own without me!"

"That doesn't change the fact that you've got a kid to raise!" Yusuke shouted back, getting to his feet in turn. "I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I know you can't just leave a kid to die!"

That was the last straw. After he criticized me about my plans for Keiryi, I lunged forward and threw a punch at his face. Taken aback, he flew into a tree, but composed himself quickly. I flew at him again, but this time he seized my fist and looked into my eyes with determination. "You don't really want to do this," he said. "You don't want to hurt me again, do you?"

"I want to hurt the asshole who won't leave me alone!" I shouted, and vines leapt up about him.

Almost choking because of the vines, he grunted, writhing to try and get free. "You're just a stupid ningen," I spat. "You'll live out your eighty years and be done with life. I have to live on for thousands of years, and so does my child. There is no reprieve for me." Yusuke glared down at me, and I could see his face paling. Slowly, ever so slowly, the breath was draining out of him.

"You already have a girlfriend," I said. "Kayko would be pretty hurt if she'd seen you cheating with me."

"There's this aura about you," he replied, gasping for breath as he finished his sentence. "Once you were with us, you were so comfortable, and I saw this side that I'd never seen before. You were so...tempting." Even more furious than before, I stalked away, dispelling the vines.

"You're not even worth my time," I muttered.

Ever so slowly, I walked back to the Minamino household, since I didn't have anywhere else to go. As I went, I plotted my revenge against Lirra, and decided that there would be two funerals in one day: that of a respected and loving young man, and that of a wretched traitor...

**A/N: Well, how'd you all like it? Yuki, I'm sure you were referring to Lirra when you wanted to kill that person, but Lirra is a she, not a he...heh heh. Yup, this story's almost done(wah), and I'm so happy to have had such a great fanbase(even if it was kinda small :P) I love you guys for reading and reviewing my story, and even to those who just pop in for a second, I'm glad that you find this fic to be so worthy of your interest as opposed to the hundreds of thousands of other fics on this site!**

**Peace Out,**

**Miari**


	16. Vengeance Is Sweet

I sat on the windowsill, dressed in the clothes that I had worn when I first came to Ningenkai. Back then my life was so full of purpose, and now there was this unfillable void that ate away at me entirely. If not for Keiryi, I would have given up.

Weeks had passed, even months, and I had moved into the Minamino house...in Kurama's old room. The place was a paradox in and of itself. While I hated to look at the pictures of a time when I had still been happy, I loved to see him, so that I could never forget him. There was one picture of him alone, though, and that was the one I valued most. It stuck in my mind obstinately, and I refused to let it go. If he hadn't come along, I would have never thought I would have settled in this quiet world.

Thoughts jumbled themselves together in my mind, from the time when we had first met, until the time when he had died. I could still feel the sting that had been inflicted on my pride when he first spoke to me. Slowly, I started to hum the tune I had heard in Tina's bar. She had helped me to find him, and I didn't have the courage to go there and tell her that my heart had been broken again. It seemed so selfish to complain in front of one who had always been rejected.

Easily enough, the words came to mind, and I relished them, knowing that they were my memories of Kurama, the one thing I had left to remember him by...

_So you sailed away_

_Into a gray sky morning._

_Now I'm here to stay..._

_Love can be so boring._

_And nothing's quite the same now,_

_I just say your name now..._

Nobody was there to stop me from singing, and for the first time I felt free to mourn the one I had loved more than anything. Pictures of him around me, I visualized everything about him, from his vivid red hair to his enchanting emerald eyes...

_But it's not so bad._

_You're only the best I ever had._

_You don't want me back._

_You're just the best I ever had..._

My voice lilted as if it really was a guitar, strumming along to the beat of an inaudible tune. A smile crept across my face as I remembered his caressing touch, the thing that I would miss the most.

_So you stole my world,_

_Now I'm just a phony._

_Remembering your girl_

_Leaves me down and lonely._

_Well send it in a letter,_

_Make yourself feel better..._

Kurama's lover died with him. I would never be able to love as I had loved him, and I would never be able to let anyone else in so easily either. Stopping for a moment, I stared at the sunset and closed my eyes. For a split second, he was there, holding my hand. He whispered quiet words of endearment, clasping my left hand, which still bore the ring. I still wouldn't be able to forget my imaginary wedding to the man of my life...

_But it's not so bad,_

_You're only the best I ever had,_

_You don't want me back,_

_You're just the best I ever had..._

_And it's gonna take some time to_

_Patch me up inside,_

_But I can't take it so I..._

_I run away and hide._

_And I will find in time that_

_You were always right,_

_You were always...right..._

Grinning at my imaginary Kurama, I leaned over to kiss him, and he wrapped an arm around my waist. The orange jacket that was hung on my shoulders blew slightly in the wind, but it was heavy enough so that it didn't come off. Enjoying his company, I leaned over, only to find that there really wasn't anyone there. Tears rolled down my cheeks in small, shining rivulets. My voice was almost entirely choked up as I sang the very last part of the song with all the strength I had left...

_So you sailed away_

_Into a gray sky morning._

_Now I'm here to stay,_

_Love can be so boring._

_Was it what you wanted?_

_Could it be I'm haunted?_

_But it's not so bad,_

_You're only the best I ever had._

_It's not so bad,_

_You're just the best I ever had._

_You're only the best I ever had..._

When I opened my eyes, I saw a certain green eyed fox standing right in front of me. His beautiful red hair blew in the wind, and I caressed it, knowing that he was real. "How did you-?" He pressed a finger to my lips and then kissed me, wrapping his arms around me, and running his hands up and down my back. When we broke apart, I looked up, and there he was, smiling innocently at me. Sometimes Shuiichi, the boy he had possessed, shone through, an entirely intelligent, innocent child. Kurama, however, was dark, mysterious, and dangerous. If someone was his enemy, caution was their main concern.

The sun set on the two of us,. and we just sat on the bed for a while. He whispered things into my ear that I had never heard him say, but it pleased me nonetheless. Soon, I lay down, and he pressed a hand to the area below the base of my neck. A tingling feeling swept over me, and I lost all thoughts of doubt. His fingers swept over the outside of my thigh, and then up my lower back. Lost in this euphoria, I smiled up at him, and he kissed me, sending fire through my veins.

During the whole night we were awake, and by the morning I had a broad smile on my face. Hours were slept away, and I woke up to find that he wasn't there anymore. He must have been fixing breakfast, or getting dressed. I sat up and saw a girl who looked very much like Ithryl standing at the window. "How sad," she said distantly. "He just left you. He took everything you had...your pride, your heart, your possessions, and your virginity. That child is just an accident." Looking up at her, I snarled under my breath and waited for further explanation.

"He used you...took advantage of your willingness to submit. He took away every part of you that was ever worth protecting. Your father would be so disgusted." Bolting to my feet at such a statement, I put my fists at the ready. The feeling of nirvana from the previous night was gone, but it wasn't because of him. It was because of this filthy, lying bitch. Ithryl had always gotten in my way, and now it was time to make her pay for all the misery she had caused me. The blade was still at my bedside, and I grabbed at it carefully.

"That might be what you think," I said, and lunged forward. Ithryl looked at me and then I was frozen in place, gazing emptily into space. Strange thoughts went through my head, things that I had never thought before..._Was I really good enough to be his? Did I deserve to have such a wonderful demon at my side?_ While doubts flashed through my mind, Ithryl had begun to attack with her bare hands, throwing quick punches, but not quick enough. I had been trained by some of the best fighters in Makai, and I hadn't forgotten my training in my misery.

Steeling myself, I threw up the blade and jumped up to meet it, driving the edge down into Ithryl's arms, which were arranged in a defensive position. Blood ran down onto the floor, dripping quickly as I watched it flow steadily. "You think a little scratch can stop me?" she shouted, pushing forward until the blade was embedded in her forearms. The crystalline weapon buried itself in her pale flesh, and I twisted it until her skin was ripped open, bearing both muscle and tissue.

Enraged by what I had done to her, Ithryl charged forward, blood flying away from her body as she did so. I grasped the blade by the hilt I had made for it. Holding it like this, it felt so right in my hands. This was the blade meant to kill Ithryl, the retreat for the killer of my one love. "I saw his thoughts as he died," she screamed. "You were his torment, his escape, everything that he didn't need to screw over his life. Grinning maniacally, she stopped short when I pressed the blade to her throat. Delicate as could be, she tilted her neck back and tried to escape. The crystal sliced easily through her throat, and I held her up by the neck of her shirt. Her wings beat furiously at the air, but I had the foul beast cornered.

"You always were a beautiful fighter to watch," Lirra choked out, spitting blood onto my face out of spite. Her hands were clenched into tight fists as she glared into my eyes. "I feel honored to have died at the hands of such a great warrior." After she said that, she breathed her last breath and collapsed into me. Slowly, the world melted away around me, and there lay Lirra, naked, with only her wings to cover her. Before Shiori could come up and inquire about the dead body in my room, I spirited her off to Makai, to rot with the master she had loved so dearly.

Deep within my heart, I knew that Kurama always had loved me, and Lirra had been lying to try and get to me. I snuggled up with one of the shirts that he had worn, feeling its softness beside me, and fell slowly to sleep, welcoming the world where I knew I could see him...

_"Katie?" a voice called, and I looked over to see Kurama standing there in all of his glory. This time, he didn't look as his original form had, but he retained his brilliantly colorful hair and eyes. I looked up at him and saw that it was really him, and not the imposter that Lirra had persuaded me into lying with._

_"Are you truly dead this time?" I asked. "Isn't there any way I can bring you back?"_

_"Not yet," he said. "I'm not sure if it will be another sixteen years, but the Avatars have told me that I must simply wander this place for a while, and learn from their teachings."_

_"Can't I stay with you?" I pleaded, and gazed into those enchanting eyes. "I don't want to be without you for so long again."_

_"Come now, Katie," he said. "You're stronger than that, and you have our child to raise. Please, live on and be happy for me while you're in Ningenkai. My time to return will come soon enough. For now, live and enjoy what you have, Katie. Let our child have a normal childhood instead of one filled with war and fighting." With that, he kissed me and sent me off. Tomorrow would be his funeral..._

**A/N- Hey! Next chapter will be the last, and I can't wait to write the finale. I know this leaves a lot of questions unanswered, which is why I am writing a sequel(eventually) to wrap things up! For all of you loyal fans out there, and those of you who converted, I thank you so much for being so supportive. I love you all, and I hope you come back for the next installment.**

**Rock On, dudes and dudettes,**

**Miari**


	17. Keep Searching, KaiinaChan

I awakened the next day and realized that it was still the day of his funeral. There was no way to get out of the truth, and my desolation had not yet driven me to suicide. The blade was still slathered with Lirra's blood, and I didn't want to touch the vile weapon.

Sad thoughts awakened when I sat up to get dressed for the first time in a while, but I shoved them right back down where they belonged. Tears rimmed my weary eyes, but nothing left in this world was powerful enough to make me cry. Only the sight of those brilliant green eyes and that vivid red hair would awaken the life within me. Picking up one of the pictures, I stared at him. Wearing his dark brown jacket over the usual button-down shirt, he had an arm around my shoulders, and was looking down to make sure that I was alright.

I could remember that day so clearly that I could reach out and the softness of his jacket would be there. "Are you sure you don't want to borrow my jacket?" he asked. "You look terribly cold." Foolishly enough, I had chosen to wear a lightweight t-shirt and fitted denim capris.

"N-no," I said, my voice quavering with the cold. Honestly, the wind nipped mercilessly at my bared forearms and calves. "I don't want you to be cold. I'll be alright." He shrugged and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me in tighter and stroking my hair.

Soon enough, we were sitting down, and a man came by. Kurama asked if he could take a picture of us, and pulled me into him, letting me rest my chin on his shoulder. The man took the photograph and moved on, returning the camera to us. After several more photos, we took the film to a drug store to get it developed. On it were pictures of the two of us, and some of Yusuke and Kuwabara with us. In each one of them, I had looked so happy, free for the first time.

One picture had the four of us in it, and I couldn't help but laugh. Once we had all been such close friends, but since Kurama's death, we had all drifted. I was still the only one who knew how he had really died. Yusuke was angry because I still wouldn't let him have me, and Kuwabara had left us for other friends, probably to avoid the conflicts and the sadness. I missed being with them, and knowing that there were always a few people who would be there for me.

Kurama was the one who stood out, though. For a while, I picked up a picture of him and stared into those mesmerizing green eyes. Nothing else was left for me except a dead memory and a child. Keiryi would be my only hope, the one who would help me to make it through the next years of my life. For a while, I had just lived as a rogue, a thief, a renegade. Now, I had had a purpose, and that purpose was gone. It was gone like the body of my lover would be many years from now. For the next stage of my life, I would need something to occupy my time and keep my mind away from the very depressing options that lay ahead of me.

There was always the mystery of Lirra. Where had she come from? Were there more like her in the Plane of Luminescence? I didn't know, but I wanted to so badly. Perhaps there was a way to trace her through that plane. It would require many things, but I didn't know what the consequences would be if I failed.

Who was the master of the Avatars anyway? If someone could create beings that could shape entire worlds, what else could they do? Havoc could begin on the earth, and then there would be no one left to save it. Kurama...Kuwabara...Yusuke...the former Reikai Tantei would be too broken to go and save the world that they had fought for time and time again. The Earth would fall into a critical state, left to be enslaved by the Lords of Makai, and this presence in the Plane of Luminescence.

Jakiri came into my room and told me it was time to go to the funeral. Remembering how the visitation had gone, I doubted that I should go this time and embarass myself once more. What if they shied away from me this time? How would I be able to properly mourn my truest love? "You must go," Jakiri said. "They want you to speak about him at the end." Shock came over me as I dashed to the closet that had recently been filled with my things. I slipped into a simple black, sleeveless dress and black gloves that went up to my elbows. A black ribbon served as a headband to keep my hair back.

When we got to the funeral, many people were gathered around the grave, and a man was saying the rites up at a podium. Though I didn't weep, most of my time was spent gazing into space. The words filtered through my mind and then were lost. When I was called up to speak, I had to be told to do so by Shiori, who was sitting next to me.

I stepped up to the podium and adjusted the microphone, hearing my steady breathing amplified tenfold. "I knew Shuiichi Minamino as a friend, a true heart, and a lover," I said softly, though my words carried to the whole crowd. "When we first met, I thought he was something entirely different. Because so many girls at school thronged about him, and so many people liked him, I thought he would be just another popular boy. Then he let me in."

"I loved him so sincerely that there's now an empty void within me, a void that cannot be filled by anything. As we bid Shuiichi farewell, no heart is light. We all know that he will be missed dearly." In the corner of my eye, I saw Kuwabara and Yusuke standing off to the side. Apparently they had just arrived. "He could read into people, knew how to make you happy when you were sad, knew how to make you laugh when you needed it most. That was why I loved Shuiichi so dearly. He could have chosen any beautiful girl, but he chose to look inward rather than outward. For that, Shuiichi, I want to thank you. Farewell to a great friend and the man who I would have been willing to spend the rest of my life with."

As I said the last line, I looked down at the ring and twisted it on my finger, smiling slightly. Several people clapped, and it eventually turned into a standing ovation. They whispered words of solace to me as I walked by and offered single roses. When I got back to my seat, Yusuke was there, sitting next to me. "I'm sorry," he said, looking into my eyes.

"What?" I said, confused as to whether or not I had heard right.

"I said sorry, okay? I shouldn't have tried to make a move when you were still getting over him. It was a stupid thing to do."

"I know," I said. "It's okay."

We embraced for a while after that, and I looked up at him. He was a good friend, even if I could never come to have another lover. The funeral dispersed, and we walked home in silence. Yusuke went with us, and we stopped at the local cafe on the way back. Kuwabara was there, staring into his coffee absently. "Hey," he said. "You okay Katie?" Even if he wasn't the brightest bulb, Kuwabara cared in his own, awkward way.

"Yeah," I said softly, so that I was barely audible. "I guess so." Trying to let go of my troubles, I sat down and ordered a drink for myself for the first time, instead of letting Kurama order for me as usual. Yusuke was so silent that I was more worried about him than I was about myself.

"You wanna talk about it?" I asked him, looking into his eyes. In that usually confident gaze, I saw disappointment, but he smiled slightly and nodded. We walked outside and sat down on the curb, letting rain fall down on us. Dark strands of hair were plastered to my face, blurring my vision as I felt tears fall slowly down my cheeks. "I know you knew him longer than I did," I said. "Sorry...to see that you couldn't make the funeral earlier. I didn't see you until the very end."

"We had some personal business to deal with." Yusuke looked at me, and I could see that he still wanted me as much as he ever had.

A drop of rain fell down on my face, drizzling down my cheek, and mixing with tears. He couldn't tell that I was crying, but he wiped the water off of my face. "It's okay," I replied. "I was just happy to see that both you and Kuwabara were able to be there. Please, just be here for the next few years. I don't know how to raise a child, and even if I have inexperienced help, it'll be better than nothing." Slowly, I leaned into him, wrapping an arm around his waist.

"Whoah!" he said, giving me a look of utter shock. "Are you sure you're not gonna regret this?"

"Mmmmhmm," I said, and ran a hand down his back. "Look, I didn't know what to do after he died. Please, just help in this one way that you can. I still don't think I'm ready to take it on my own, but I'm not ready to take on another love affair just yet either."

The rain washed away my tears, and I got up to look down at him. "Until Keiryi comes, I think I'll take a break from this place," I said softly. "I need it to figure out where I'll go, what I'll do with both of our lives. Kurama...he said he might be able to come back a second time. So, wait for me. Make sure that no one forgets about me entirely. If I want otherwise, I'll find you and tell you." Yusuke smirked and shook his head, looking up at me.

"So fox-boy's goin' to come back, is he? Can't say that won't be a happy day!" I smiled gently and then walked away into the cold rain.

Honestly, I didn't know what to do with myself as I headed out to the lake that had been my window to the Plane of Luminescence. This time I didn't dive into it, but stood there and stared into its depths. The darkness gave it a dark tint as the water rippled from the perpetual rain. Something seemed to break within me, the thing that I had once been. Why had I finally been able to cast aside the darkness inside of me? I had been trying to for so long, and now the end had come.

Or maybe it was a beginning. Keiryi weighed heavily in my stomach, forming a smooth, round bump. I couldn't jump off with her in me; she would freeze to death. However, I smiled as the rain started to clear away. For a short moment, I thought I could feel Kurama brushing a hand through my hair as the wind picked up and blew a few strands in my face. It was so wet...so cold, but now it didn't matter. Sunlight began to tickle at my face, and I looked to the rising sun.

Now that there was light in my world, I knew that Keiryi could live a happy life. There wasn't much left for me to do except live out my life and be sure that she enjoyed hers. Whatever lay down the road, Keiryi's destiny was her own, and I intended to try to live a simple life. Whether Kurama returned or not, I would learn to live on my own, and teach my daughter to do so also...

**FIN**

**A/N- That ends part I, and I'm already thinking up ideas for the sequel. Depending upon whether or not I get my compy's keyboard working soon or not, I may have the first chapter up by next week at the latest. However, that's not a definite deadline. Thanks to all of you who stayed with me. I was looking at my stats today, and though this story only got 20 reviews, I feel like I earned the loyalty of my reviewers, rather than telling them to review or see no update. Here's to you, my reviewers...**

**Sonya-White-Angel: I know you didn't review much toward the end, but I was happy to see that there was one person who was there since I started the story. Luv you always, and I hope you come back for the sequel.**

**4-Is-Lovely: You added the word "wicked" to my vocabulary through your ecstatic reviews. I was glad to see you all the way through the end, and I know you'll love the sequel and the surprises in it.**

**Yuki Amida: Heh. As a Silent Mobius fan also, I liked your name to start with. However, you submitted intelligent reviews and you were always very supportive. Good luck in whatever you do or write and may the wings of fortune carry you gently.**

**The sequel will have many new characters for sure, and I can't wait to start writing it. I hope that I'll see you all come back, but I can't force you, so enjoy yourselves and enjoy the last chapter of The Midnight Rose.**

**Love You Guys Forever!**

**Miari**


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